The Funny Farm

End Of The Month Roundup - Family and Friends Edition

A few things to get to in order to tidy up some more loose ends around here at the Funny Farm...

First off, a warm note of thanks to Brother Joe and Sister Sandy. We have had a nasty cold over the past few days, and they suggested we take something they have up there in the Great white North for colds. Due to their kindness and assistance we were able to get a dose of Cold FX into our system over the weekend. This must be one of the first times that we have ever heard something wise come out of Don Cherry (don't look directly at the blazer - either you'll go blind or slowly become mesmerized...), because we can almost breathe again, and we feel a whole lot better. We're still a little bit sick, but for the most part have gotten through the worst part. We would highly recommend that you find some of this to take next time you get a cold or the flu. Of course we can't be certain that this is FDA approved yet (it works, it's cheap, it's largely natural, it seems to be in the hands of someone who is not a wholly owned subsidiary of the pharmaceutical corporations, and it's not American - all signs pointing to it not being allowed to be consumed by the general population here in the States. so how did we get some? None of your frelling business, that's how...), but we're here to tell ya that it should be, and next time we get sick like this we'll be dragging our butts down south for some medicine.

Secondly, it seems that if you didn't think that yesterday was one of the greatest days in history for the advancement of democracy, you must be some sort of cheese-eating surrender monkey, or you boil babies for breakfast, or something like that. Well, we know that a sham a farce a poor substitute for an election took place in an occupied country halfway across the world over the weekend. We're reasonably certain that the wave of propaganda oozing from every orifice of the media whores is about as close to the reality-based world as a Rush Limbaugh Oxycontin hallucination. And we expected all of the rancid pond scum in the wrong wing would spooge their exultant jism all over the place, and denounce everyone who isn't busy wanking themselves over the Iraqi (farce of an) election as being enemy combatants who deserve a holiday in Gitmo. Oh yeah - and Instacracker seems to think that some American native historian who has blamed the white man for everything for years now is the voice of the left. This Reynolds guy is what kind of perfesser again? How big is the Department of Fraudulent Historical Revision at the University of Tennessee, anyway?

Finally, we were informed that an acquaintance (a good friend of a good friend - we'd be proud to call him our friend if only we knew him a bit better) from days gone by has started up a movement to Free the Stanley Cup from the clutches of the NHL (since 1947 only NHL teams have been allowed to compete for it) and turn it into a challenge cup once again. Zoots and his friends suggest a tournament between the winners of the Memorial Cup, the Allan cup, and the best minor league hockey team in Canada (from leagues like the AHL and the ECHL). We would like to expand it a bit and invite the winners of the World Cup of Hockey and the International Ice Hockey Federation World Hockey championship to compete for the Cup as well. Lord Stanley's Cup was originally supposed to go to the best hockey team in Canada every year. We think that the intent was for it to go to the best hockey team in the world (with Canada being considered the place where that team would normally reside - at the time the Cup was originally donated, Canada was the only place where hockey was being played, so the best hockey in the world was played there at the time), and that opening the competition up to all those foreign devils would possibly light a fire under the NHL player/owner negotiations currently stalled underway.

We didn't really want to put too much of a political element into the game we love so much until we saw this gem (cough) coming from a bloated (self-described) capitalist pig in America:

Free Stanley? You hosers are losers, eh? I guess if you had a decent team in your socialist country - you wouldn't need to waste your time. I'm sure Lord Stanley meant the cup for the best team in North America, that team is the Tampa Bay Lightning until it is proven otherwise. What ever happened to the French-Canadian international spirit of tolerance, sympathy and justice? Go cry to the international court, while I laugh at your effort in futility. The Cup stays in Tampa Bay - until you win it back. Regards, A Capitalist American Pig

With so many tauntings coming from an empty-headed food trough wiper capitalist pigdog, it is hard to know where to start. Many Canadians would find the idea of a French-Canadian international spirit of tolerance, sympathy and justice to be highly amusing (especially the non-French ones who have to deal with Quebecois intolerance quite a bit); the country isn't socialist (unless Great Britain is, too - Canada runs the same type of parliamentary government as they do); and Lord Stanley most assuredly knew about the arrogant, intolerant iceholes living in the country next door. He probably thought that the only thing Americans would want to do with sticks is use them to carve each other up (which, come to think of it, is pretty much all they want to do these days when they're on the ice) and would never imagine a team of Americans who would be able to compete for the Cup. Now, go suck at your large American Capitalist Teat before we give you such a nasty taunting that you will soil your clothes at the mere thought of it...

Posted by (: Tom :) at January 31, 2005 07:37 PM