The Funny Farm

Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ?
Neither did I

What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?
Homeless ..

What's the definition of a minor second?
Two oboists playing in perfect unison.

How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?
Evidently all of them.

What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.

What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.

What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, and the neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawn mower and don't return it.

How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much better they could've done it.

What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."

A sax player dies and goes to the pearly gates.St Peter says sorry 'too much partying you have to go to the other place. The elevator doors open and he goes into a huge bar.All the greatest are on stage on a break.He goes over to Charlie Parker and says .Hey this can't be Hell all the best are playing here.Charlie say's hey man 'Karen Carpenter is on drums!

What's the range of a tuba?
About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on ?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones.

What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.

How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. I'm better than you."

How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
The doorbell shrieks!

Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
He's too sensitive.