The Funny Farm

Bush issued the plea alongside his moderate conservative beard onetime rival for the presidency Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), who actually listens to Democrats once in a while has a better working relationship with Democrats than does the White House.

"I believe there will be a bad political consequence for people who are unwilling to sit down and talk about the issue unless they're Publicans," Bush told taxpayer-funded supporters during one of his "conversations" on Social Security, appearing with McCain and New Mexico's Republican senator, Pete V. Domenici. "I think the American people expect people from both parties to stand up and take the lead and solve this issue especially considering we have no solutions of our own."

McCain, who was pimping with Bush on Monday and Tuesday for a swing through New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado, pointedly addressed AARP, the 35-million-member lobby that has galvanized opposition to Bush's plans among seniors. Choosing his words carefully watching for the knife in the back if he said the wrong thing, McCain lied accused opponents of wanting to wait on developing a financial fix for the system until 2042 — the year its reserve funds are projected to be depleted, leaving it with more financial obligations than money (coughcoughwhateverhappenedtothemoneyinthelockbox?coughcough).

"I want to say to our friends (cough) in the AARP — and they are my friends (cough): Come to the table with us," McCain said. "We not only have an obligation to seniors, but we have an obligation to future generations, and we can't screw them all without your help."

His remarks, which through an amazing coincidence echoed statements made Monday by Vice pResident Dick Cheney (R-Halliburton Whore) and House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Bill Thomas (R-Arrogant A$$hole), reflected a recognition by White House strategists that unified Democratic opposition to the Bush-backed handjob overhaul and the continued popularity of AARP are contributing to a decline in public opinion on the president's non-handling of Social Security.

Bush wants to let workers born after 1950 divert a portion of their payroll taxes into individual, privately managed by a bunch of BFEE stooges retirement accounts invested in stocks and bonds controlled by a bunch of BFEE stooges. In return, workers would have to accept learning to enjoy the taste of cat food in their golden years indentured servitude unto the twelfth generation a cut in the traditional Social Security benefit. Sounds like Bush wants to cut Social Security benefits today, not 30 years down the road, to us.

Bush concedes that the accounts alone would not solve the retirement system's problem in handling the coming wave of baby boomer retirements but steadfastly refuses to concede that they will make things much worse and cause another three trillion in national debt. But he casts the accounts as part of a larger plan, which has not yet been spelled out, to shore up the system's shaky finances (coughcoughgiveusallyourmoney!coughcough).

Opponents charge that creating private accounts would drain money from the system, putting current and future beneficiaries at risk while leaving them vulnerable to the vagaries of the stock market. Critics also disagree with Bush's claim that the system will soon be in crisis. They suggest that only minor fixes are required, such as adjusting benefits or raising payroll taxes.

"We share an interest in resolving this problem sooner rather than later, but we have pretty profound differences on how best to solve it," said John Rother, AARP's policy director. Of the group's opposition to private accounts, he added: "We're not budging on that."

Tuesday's conciliatory language by McCain was a stark contrast to efforts by another group that supports private accounts, USA Next, which recently launched a campaign to paint AARP as a liberal front group (coughcoughgoodcopbadcopcoughcough)..

AARP backed Bush's 2003 legislation creating a prescription drug program as part of Medicare and has regretted it ever since. The organization remains popular and pervasive, and is a formidable opponent to the White House message machine.

AARP launched its third wave of advertising against the Bush plan over the weekend, with ads in newspapers and on radio and television nationwide. One features a plumber telling a woman that the only way to fix her clogged sink is to demolish her entire house, suggesting that Bush's plans for Social Security are out of proportion to the problem.

The group claims that its members have made 500,000 contacts with Congress by phone and e-mail.

Bush, annoyed that his imperial diktats are being questioned aware that such lobbying has left lawmakers wary of alienating seniors before the 2006 elections, has been traveling the country trying to snow convince older people that they don't need to fear his insane evil plans and that he does not want to change anything for people born before 1950. "I'm not interested in hearing from any focus groups."

"A lot of people rely upon the check especially if their rich well connected daddy can't 'fix' all their messes," Bush said. "It's an important part of their life (but not for rich snotty idiots like me!). That's why none of us want to put a system in place that touches that check unless you were born after 1950. It's essential that you hear that so that you'll buy into my BS and let me and my rich friends steal even more from you."

* - well, actually, Republican leaders say they are chucking the open town-hall format. At least until they can get enough of those ACTROID robots programmed to parrot Publican talking points.