The Funny Farm

Completely Divorced From Reality

^{Friday, 19 Promise 2006}

Many of the denizens of The Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan^TM have linked to this set of fifty questions to ask any Reich Wing Repugnican'ts. I have seen quite a few slight variations on the Norquist BlaastFaxx standardized responses to the questions (which came out very quickly after the quiz was released, don't you think? Amazing what a large number of interconnected relational databases can do. And to all the folks at Echelon and Carnivore, keep banging the rocks together, guys...), but I don't think I've seen one closer to the original than what I read in the replies to this post over at the Hollywood Liberal's blog.

Now, I think (as do many others) that these aren't the best fifty questions you can ask today. But, hey, that's just me. YMMV.

Anyways,... you can read each of the original questions below, and each of the Reich wingnut's answers below each question. I will also be providing some rebuttal of some of the more outlandishly incorrect of the answers, and of course the award winning commentary you've all come to know and love. Enjoy!

original questions, Reichwingnut answers, and rebuttals designated as shown here.

[# Buck Says:(July 13th, 2006 at 4:11 pm PST)
I live for this!! Here is 50 easy answers for 50 dumb questions!!

(: Tom :) says: Well - I have a varied life with many interests. But I often find it amusing and somewhat helpful to others to sum up the jist of my thoughts on the subject at the time.

I would also suggest, as I have to many of the more rabid wingnuts, that Buck considers using spell check before he spews forth his Repugnican't propaganda. You'll be glad you did!

Okay - here we go!

1. What are the Top Seven best things that the Bush Administration has done?
#1.a.(my favorite) Deployed National Missile Defense
b. lower taxes rates for everone
c. increased military pay substantialy
d. subtract Afghanistan as a Al Qaida sanctuary
e. subtract Iraq as an Al Qaida sanctuary
f. no more assault weapons ban (my 2nd favorite)
g. Bigest aids package for the world to date (my least favorite)
Oops! Some of the slight (cough) deviations from reality here:
a) missile defense doesn't work, and is a waste of taxpayer dollars, which are getting stuffed into corpo-weasel pockets for this boondoggle
b) actually, when you figure in all taxes, not just income taxes, only the richest 1/2% got any tax breaks at all
c) unless and until you retire, then you're screwed, plus any raises are substantially just beyond the increase in inflation
d) in the immediate area of the capital city only. The rest of Afghanistan now has the Taliban / Northern Alliance back in charge, and producing record crops of poppies and sending out record amounts of opium and heroin to the rest of the world
e) yeah, right! Maybe in the few fortified areas where the occupiers have holed up, but otherwise we've caused a tenfold increase in al Q membership
f) so terrorists of all stripes will be able to get the weapons to murder innocents that much easier. Yay!
g) actually, the U.S. contributions to aids packages, foreign aid, and the rest of that whole helping others stuff that Reich wingnuts hate, is less than 0.1% (that's one tenth of one percent) of GSDP, ranking it 21st among developing nations. Plus most of the aids and much of the medical relief is tied to the promotion of abstinence only education and the implementation of therofascist anti-choice policy in the countries getting the money

2. Is the Iraq War is going well?
#2. Yes, because Al qaida in Iraq is under attack!
I mean, just because we're worse than the corrupt rascal we got rid of, and things are worse for Iraqis than they were under said corrupt rascal, that's no big deal.

Seriously, this sort of non-sequitur stuff lets you do just about anything in response.
"No, because al Q is bigger now than when we started attacking it!"
"No, because it sucked the life out of our economy!
No, because gas is way more than what it was before we started murdering our children for their oil!

3. After three years thus far, when do you think Iraq might be able to "stand up" so that America can "stand down"?
#3. We should NEVER give up in the war on terror, and we never will!!
Why can't you answer the questions that are asked? That's two in a row of nonsense answers that have no relation to the question asked.

It looks like Buck might be the sort of guy who considered himself a warrior in the wars on Drugs, Terror, and Morality. Along with all the rest of those devout christians like Jim and Tammy Faye, Jimmy Swaggert, Dobson and the Homo Hater Baptists, Betting Bill Bennett, and the Reverend Skank Swank. I guess everyone need a hobby. Especially when they live to put together a bunch of crap and give a bad name to true conservatives everywhere.

To honestly answer the question (which of course is what the exercise is all about) it looks like Iraq in the form that it currently exists will never be able to stand up on its own. Thanks USA for destroying a country half way around the world!

4. For his part in the event, how would you rate the job the President did protecting New Orleans from devastation?
#4 Not goverments job..so…A+
This guy gives out A+ grades for not showing up! Must be one of those titans of industry (or someone who wants to be one) Plus, he is not answering the question again. Sorry, Buck. The correct answer is DNW*.

5. How do you think the rebuilding of New Orleans is going?
#5 Bad spot to rebuild city so dont do it!!
Wow! Let's get rid of Venice, Amsterdam, Jersualem, and a host of other places that are bad to build cities on while we're at it!

Buck fails to answer the question again. Good thing we didn't ask him to take it under oath...

6. When Dick Cheney and the oil company and energy executives met in private to plan America's energy policy, how much of their goal was to benefit consumers?
#6. They have SOLD them products and services they were in NEED of ..Ha ha ha
Just another example of compassionate conservatism, and those good old family values in action. I wonder if you're okay with the increased heating and electricity costs under the Pinhead in Thief, too... Well, hopefully in a few years you'll be able to blame it on the Democrats again

Buck doesn't answer the question again, but we would have to say the general jist of his answer is that none of it was (or needed to be) part of the goals of the office of the Vice pResident and his taxpayer publicly funded reward to his cronies for buying him the election energy task force meeting in the early days of this junta's illegal occupation of the WhiteWash House.

7. Do you believe in the President's call for an Era of Personal Responsibility?
#7. Yes, and then some!!
As long as we don't have to hold him to his own standards. Funny how there's no need to put him under oath about any of the messes he's gotten us into, and how we shouldn't worry about holding him accountable (or even bothering to know what he's been doing). I seem to remember different standards about this sort of thing when we had legally elected pResidents (the last three elections he and his party stole shouldn't be questioned either, right?)

Buck gets a right answer here, though. As long as he has honestly and accurately expressed his beliefs, and isn't just paying lip service to what he thinks he's supposed to believe.

I'm willing to give Buck the benefit of the doubt.

8. Since Republicans control the White House, Senate and House of Representatives, how personally responsible are they for conditions in America today?
#8. I like whats going on, so why would I want to change?
I'm guessing he was trying to say that he thinks that they are personally responsible, since he likes what's going on and doesn't want it to change. So this individual is glad that Abramoff, Cunningham, Janklow, and Delay (I'm only mentioning the ones currently indicted - I wouldn't want to unfairly lump Frist, Hastert, Boehner, Hatch, and any of the others in the same category until they've formally been prosecuted) have been committing crimes for his benefit. This is what some people live for, I guess - criminal activity, murder, and corruption. Doesn't sound at all like most of the stuff this Jeebus fellow was pimping...

9. Why do you think they haven't been able to find anyone who can verify that George Bush ever showed up for National Guard duty in Alabama?
#9. It matters not..thats why
It's $10K per person. That's a lot of coin for some. But it matters not to Buck. Yet another non-answer. Perhaps the Invisible Sky Fairy put it into this vacuous melon.

The correct answer is: it matters quite a bit, because it is a perfect example of the way the Texas Souffle has been able to get away with everything for all of his life. Funny how this compassionate conservative is not even concerned with the evil that his choices are responsible for.

10. Would you want Donald Rumsfeld to plan your daughter's wedding?
#10. No, my wife would not dig it!
This moran thinks he would have a choice if Don Rumsfeldo decided he wanted to do it. Plus, IMHO this is a dumb question and I would get rid of it and put in a different question

11. Are you aware that no government in the history of civilization, other than the Bush Administration, has lowered taxes during a war?
#11. Yes, its about time
Actually, I slightly disagree with the original question here. Many governments have distributed the booty from their wars of conquest during the wars themselves. This faux tax break nonsense is just another form of that. New and improved, so that Buck and his ilk aren't even aware that they're not getting any of the spoils... Doesn't matter - he's still given the incorrect answer.

12. Are you married?
#12. Yes!
Set up for the next question, and I can somewhat see a reason for it being asked, but I would have put it in together with the next question, and saved room for a better question all on its' own.

Still I guess I would have to say that, providing this clown has made sure all the forms got filed and he's legally married, he actually answered the question honestly and correctly.

Then again, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while...

13. Do you personally feel threatened by gay marriage?
#13. Yes!
Because over 50% of marraiges (YMMV - over 60% in Red States where I'm guesstimating Buck hails from) end in homosexuality. Oops - back here in reality, those marriages end in divorce. Thanks for playing Buck, but we can't accept your answer...

14. Since getting elected, do you think the President has been more a uniter or a divider?
#14. Neither, Clinton had screwed the puppy already!
Ding ding ding! We have gotten to the Clenis Corollary of Godwin's Law in only 14 questions! With an added bonus of the answer having no relation to the question answered.

Since the wingnut's head would explode if he actually answered the question honestly, we will tell the studio audience that Drinky McDumbA$$ is more of a divider than a uniter here in the U.S., and has united more of the world against the U.S. than anyone in history.

15. How do you explain the President's approval rating going from a high of 90% to the current mid-30%?
#15. False polling samples and only GOD could hold 90% for ever!
And we come to the creamy theofascist core of this Reich wingnut. If the results show that the Cokespoon Cowboy is unpopular, then the results are wrong? MY Invisible Sky Fairy told me so...

16. Do you like the government collecting personal data on you without a warrant?
#16. No!
Then why aren't you pissed at this junta for doing this? Doing it illegally, no less, and trying to proclaim that they shouldn't be forced to testify under oath about it. How come you're okay with forcing a president to testify under oath and asking him about his personal sex life, but you refuse to allow this president to be asked to testify about this, or any other issue that he has potentially engaged in criminal activity?

17. How much money do you have in your bank account, stocks and investments?
#17. Only a communist would want to know!!!
Only a criminal would refuse to answer the question.

That's gotta be at least five non-answers to questions already. Dude, you'd be next in line to be waterboarded if they had Gitmotized your a$$ and were asking you these questions...

18. What's your partner's favorite sex position?
#18. her legs behind her ears!!
Thanks for the confirmation! Now I know at least one of you is not a complete liar...

19. If you have nothing to hide, why aren't you answering?
#19. Yo ma ma
I would have lumped this question in with the previous one. The non answer here points to the frontal lobe advancement level. A better answer might have been "Git R Done!"

Definitely could have made a better use of the questions here. Plus there's an out for the questionee if they give a detailed (if smarta$$) answer to the question (trust me on this one).

20. Should we build a wall along the Mexican border?
#20. No
Another correct answer! But again, I'm not too happy about the question - it is a variant in Reich wingnut philosophy, plus it is somewhat subjective (you could argue that there is no right or wrong answer here).

21. Why isn't anyone building a wall along the Canadian border?
#21. Not enough heating gloves????
Another exposed nugget of wingnut amusement. Another subjective question that does allow a good skewering unless you are dealing with a particular flavor of Repugnican't insanity. Another opportunity for some better questions...

22. Does that terrorist gang arrested in Canada count as a threat?
#22. Yes.
A threat to the United States is what I'm guessing the unsaid assumption is in this question. In which case, we're up to seven (subjectively) correct answers. He must have sat at the front of the short bus...

23. If you shot someone in the face while drinking, how fast would the police show up to arrest you?
#23 Probably not as quick as If you shot someone in the face then lied under oath about it!
At least some are willing to go under oath when discussing these sorts of things. And get breathalyzed and incarcerated, even just for normal processing, when they do it. Another non-answer to the question. I'm thinking that the testicle electrodes would be coming into your peripheral vision very soon, Buck...

24. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding three years ago, would the guests still be there?
#24. Yes
Not the correct answer - traditionally wedding feasts went on for a lot longer than they do today, but three years is at least two years and eleven months longer than the longest on record. Jeebus told me so!

25. Even if no laws are broken, do you think it's okay to reveal the name of a covert agent?
#25. yes
As long as it's a Repugnican't traitor that's doing it. Any Democrat who would dare to do such a thing should be lynched as soon as we think he might have done it.

This is very much the wrong answer, and one of the main reasons that people like me are upset with people like Buck. If anyone gave him a similarly flippant answer regarding the criminals in power right now, he would get somewhat upset until the voices in his head drowned out what was said to him.

26. During your lifetime, approximately how often have you changed your mind?
#26. 1% of the time
Another part one of two that should not stand on its' own as a question in this quiz. Since this could be correct, I could consider it to be another correct answer to the quiz - and it was designed so that Reichwing heads would explode if they got to ten correct answers. Hope Buck can still get his head through the door...

27. Why shouldn't people dismiss you as a flip-flopper?
#27. I have shown no such traits!
Except for the supposed 1% of the time that you admitted you flip-flopped in the last question. Wrong answer! They should consider you a flip-flopper, wespecially if you said that about Kerry. For shame!

28. Where do you think the Weapons of Mass Destruction might be?
#28. Well, the 500 shells of WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION were in Iraq where they found THEM! So the US military moved THEM and its anybodys guess.
Isn't it a good thing Saddam kept them where we left them when Rumsfeld sold those WMD to them back in the eighties? And isn't it a good thing that their time of planned obsolescence has come, so the American military can't use them to gas the Kurds, or any of the other Iraqis, now? then we wouldn't have to look the other way again, the way we did when Saddam used our gas on the Kurds in the eighties. Gotta pay back those international favors for getting Ronnie Ray-Gun installed in the WhiteWash House a few years before that...

But this is the wrong answer to one of the few trick questions in this quiz: there were no WMDs. The last legally elected president eliminated 90+% of them in the late nineties with a surgical strike while some Repugnican't arseholes were airing out his private life instead of focusing on bin Laden and solving the Iraq and Afghanistan problems.

29. Where do you think Osama bin Laden might be?
#29. In Tehran, Iran with the prick Ahamadinijad hiding him!
So let's nuke them all, and let the Invisible Cloud Being sort them out!

Once again, you have given the studio audience an incorrect answer.

30. Is it fiscally responsible to cut taxes, increase spending and create a $9 trillion federal debt?
#30 Fiscally responsable or not its the right THANG to do!!
As long as I think I'm gettnig mine! This one should count as two wrong answers, it is so far from approaching reality. Let's hope Buck's kids don't hold it against him when they have to pay off that debt. Another non-answer makes me wonder if you're even paying attention any more...

31. Are you glad liberals passed such programs as Social Security, Medicare, the Civil Rights Act, women's suffrage, federal deposit insurance, unemployment compensation, rural electrification, child labor laws, minimum wages and the 40-hour work week?
#31. I disagree with that premise!!
Without providing any sort of reason why, or telling us what the premise it is that you disagree with!!! Because it's the AmeriKKKan THANG to do!!!

32. What are the Top Ten best things that conservatives have given to America?
#32. a. preserve the 2nd amendment
b. secure freedom from tyranny
c. secure freedom from communism (REAGAN)
d. secure freedom from socialism
e. missile defense support
f. lower taxes support
g. freedom from radical Islam.
h. fox News Network
I. Nascar
J. DALLAS COWBOYS (Americas team)
a. so that terrorists can get guns easier. Yayy!!
b. except for the tyranny of the current junta. We used to do that, but this thug acts l;ike royalty, not an electorated official. Wonrg answer.
c. Wonrg wrong wrong! The Berlin Wall can down under PapaDoc Putsch, not Ray-Gun. and it was a fifty years effort by both parties and many presidents. Thanks for re-affirming that you have no clue what you're talking about!
d. Wrong again! We're still not secure, and never will be unless we are continually vigilant
e. which still doesn't work!
f. lower taxes only on the richest of the rich, everyone else (including Buck) pays more! Wrong again!
g. but not freedom from radical theofascism! Yayy!
h. you forgot the Conservative News Network, MSGOP, the American Babbling Conservatives, the Capitalist Bull$hit Network, the Nationalistic Babbling Conservatives, the Excretory Inane Bollocks network, the conservative print media, and Clearly Conservative Channels. Oh, and you spelled Faux Snooze wrong!
i. wonderful to give hundred of thousands of rednecks carbon monoxide poisoning, while polluting the atmosphere. Yayy!
j. may Koresh have mercy upon your soul for rooting for America's Pimps.

33. If you were on life support, would you want a doctor you'd never met making a diagnosis about you via remote television?
#33. It depends.
An imcomplete answer at best. Depends on what? What your Special Sky Fairy tells you?

34. Do you think man-made greenhouse gases have anything at all to do with depleting the ozone layer?
#34. No!!!
Wrong again. And, since you haven't even offered a reason why you hold this incorrect belief, there is really no reason to get into it further, except to say, yes, they do.

35. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding three years ago, and guests were still there, how many factions would they now be split into?
#35. Multiple factions like there were to begin with.
Silly redneck - once again you answer this question with some unrelated noise.

Then again, it's a silly question to begin with.

36. How good is it that the terrorist Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi was killed?
#36. Yes
The correct form of your answer would be "very good" or "excellent" - so you actually get one wrong that you should have gotten right. Such a silly ka-niggot...

37. Are you aware that in 2002 the Pentagon knew where al-Zarqawi was and presented three separate plans to kill him, but the Administration refused to act each time?
#37. I disagree with that conclusion!
But I don't feel like explaining it to the likes of you, you smelly lib-rul! And I can put my fingers in my ears and yell Lalalalalalala until you stop talking about it...

38. Is George W. Bush the kind of guy you'd want to sit down and have a beer with?
...
Buck must have forgot to answer this question, but I'm guesstimating that he would've said "Hell Yes!!"

39. When he started talking about being a Born Again Christian, would you want to stay or leave?
#39. Stay!
Hallelujah praise Jeebus - it looks like we got one of those religiously insane theofascists here...

40. Is Ray Romano the kind of guy you'd want to sit down and have a beer with?
#40. Who the hell is that??
Somebody off the teevee - but not a NASCAR dude. Somehow I'm not all that surprised you got this one wrong.

41. Would you want him to be President?
#41. No
...unless I can be sure he's a Repugnican't arsehole like me...

42. Does the Administration have an environmental policy that benefits the environment?
#42. No and Im glad!
I'm sure your children will know just how to thank you when they can't breathe any more. Unfortunately there probably won't be any ice floes for them to lweave you on by that time, but I'm sure they'll be able to think of something...

43. Since George Bush campaigned for President strongly against nation building, in what ways are our actions in Iraq not nation building?
#43. Well, killing terrorists on a daily basis is not nation building! Thats positive!
...unless you create five for every one you kill, lunkhead. The correct answer to this question would be that the actions of this clueless cabal could be considered nation destroying, but not nation building. Another question where the answer has no bearing to the question asked. Praise Koresh that Reich wing melons don't explode when they do that sort of thing.

44. What's the maximum amount of time you'd want to spend alone with Dick Cheney?
#44. As much time as he wanted to chit chat!
A subjective question which should not be in the quiz - but we have to, in all fariness, hand over another correct answer to Buck the ignorant Fire Truck.

Damn you, George Steinbrenner!

45. After dismissing Saddam Hussein's old Iraqi army, was it a good idea to let them keep their rifles?
#45. No.
They don't need to get those second amendment protections Buck was so concerned about earlier. Funny how that works in what passes for intellect in Buck's household...

46. Would a policy that allows torture be something that makes you proud as an American?
#46. If I was real pissed!! Yeah!
Hmmmm... I know a whole bunch of people who are real pissed at the answers you've been giving, Buck. It sounds like you would be okay with them Gitmotizing your sorry a$$.

47. Has the Mission been Accomplished?
#47. Yes, with more missions to go!
As many as the Chimperor can screw up in the next few years, at least...

48. Do you feel comforted that Dick Cheney is a heartbeat away from being President?
#48. Yes.
A subjective question which could be considered correct. If you make the assumption that Buck can feel comfort in the first place. His answers point to that being an answer not based in reality, so we're going to have to give him no marks here.

49. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding, and guests started fighting and were killed, would you expect to be allowed to view the caskets when they were returned home?
#49. I doubt they would let me view the caskets of people that I had killed! Id be more concerned with the APB. out on ME! HA HA HA HA !!
Nice to see a supposed compassionate conservative delighting in the misery and suffering of others. Truly people like Buck are what gives many pause when trying to communicate with the religiously insane.

50. How glad do you think George Bush is that he's no longer active in the National Guard?
#50 . I dont think it matters.!!!
Oops! Buck couldn't answer the question once again. So of course he fails to answer the quiz and the vast majority of the questions in it with honesty, integrity, or any of those other things that people like him say they are the only ones to possess. What's that word again? Hyp-, hypo-, Repugnican't! Yeah, that's it.

We hope you have enjoyed this exercise, and are slightly better prepared to deal with idiots like this on a daily basis.

* DNW = Did Not Write.

Posted by (: Tom :) at July 16, 2006 10:18 PM