The Funny Farm

Comedy Gold

^{Saturday, 21 Promise 2006}

Time to start the week off right with yet another gem from the same gold mine over at our good friend (and hopefully fellow Pokerfest competitor) The Hollywood Liberal's place.

In typical conservative compassionate conservative fashion, someone disdains from answering the original fifty question quiz, publishes a list of fifty questions of her own for all the uppity lib-ruls to answer, and then gets upset when she gets exposed to about one-tenth of one percent (there's that magic number again) of the attitude that Repugnican'ts have been heaping on those who fail to See Things Their Way. After, in response to a lot of serious and realistic questions on the abuse of presidential power that some refuse to even consider, we see a bunch of non-reality based questions that could border on libel if their inferences are fabrications.

This is the original attempt at reverse jujitsu by someone claiming to be a Democrat until the shameful and unjust attacks against our Noble Chimperor caused her to see the Light and become a zealous Repugnican't Putsch supporter. Our responses (once again, just as in the original attempt by a critic of the current cabal, the author puts way too many subjective questions in the quiz) are displayed in this manner (sometimes with feeling).

# Anita Says: (July 16th, 2006 at 9:00 pm)

Progressives spend lots of time thinking about nuanced things, so they should
have no trouble at all answering these easy questions, which are by definition
simple since they are asked by a Republican:

(: Tom :) says:

As I heard many times in the last responses, I must question those premises. Republican't questions are not simple by any definition that I have regarding them; even Republican'ts deserve the benefit of the doubt, and should not be assumed to be simpletons who blindly follow their Leader and their God. Likewise, once they display the traits and the logic of a simpleton and/or spouting religious nonsense as a substitute for rational thought, it would also be incorrect to deny the reality of the situation. Unlike our last contestant, who baldly asserted that the untruths he was spouting were gospel without backing up his theories with facts, I feel I must explain why I give the answers that I come up with, in order to supply you, dear reader, with more than just my opinion of the matter. Possibly (cough), once in a while(cough cough), my opinion and interpretation of the facts as reality shows them to me will creep into my answers. But hopefully, in those cases, there is some shred of reality-based backing to those opinions.

Okay - here we go again!

1. Name ten charities to which you made cash donations last year.
I donated to no charities. They are largely a way to shift the conscience of the rich onto the shoulders of the poor. And often the rich use them to get their useless scions some unearned cash, which I do not feel obligated to support.

2. How much time did you spend last year forwarding e-mails asking people to write to congress to demand funding for social services? How much time last year did you spend doing hands-on work with social services organizations that provide direct service to the disadvantaged (eg, Meals on Wheels, homeless shelters, etc.)?
None! I work for a living - I do not have investments to "earn" my money, nor time or money to spare. So I do not forward any emails to anyone else requesting that they demand funds for social services. Nor do I encourage others to do that sort of thing. Plus, the organizations performing those types of services usually come with religious baggage which is repugnant enough during the frequent unwanted daily intrusions of it currently being thrust into my life.

3. What amount in taxes did you pay to the federal and state government on account of your household help last year?
None. I have no household staff. I do all the work in my home myself.

4. Would you let Ted Kennedy attend your daughter's wedding?
For as long as he behaved, sure!

5. What is the last name of the man who mows your lawn?
It is my own last name - I mow my own lawn.

6. Would you keep a Guantanamo detainee in your home if that would hasten the closure of the prison at Guantanamo?
This is an irrelevant question which can be subjectively answered in any manner by those questioned, and construed as right or wrong by the questioner no matter what answer is given. This is the sort of thing that a Gitmotized mentality would conceive of.

This isn't Lynndie England, is it?

7. One of the tenets of Islam is that non-believers are inferior. In order to show proper respect to your detainee's culture and beliefs, would you and your family convert to Islam?
Why should I be forced to live by anyone else's superstitious fairy tales (if that's what I consider them to be)? Why shouldn't I try to convince those who believe that people who have certain beliefs are inferior of the error of their ways?

I would no more do this than convert to any of the North American theofascist beliefs. Even though they think that I am inferior because I don't agree with their superstitious legends either!

8. If you and your family would not convert to Islam, would you and your family (a) provide your detainee with separate dishes and eating utensils from those used by your family (b) provide your detainee with his/her own separate bathroom and living areas (c) wear gloves when handling any item that belongs to or is used by your detainee (d) learn Arabic (e) provide all of the items listed in (a) through (d)?
Well - I'm already providing tax havens to religiously insane pagan occult ritualists right here in the United States. Without my active consent, and in opposition to my beliefs on the subject. So, if my government mandated that I pay for their holy relics, too, I would fight as hard as I could to not have such laws enacted, and then, if the laws were passed, follow them until I could find a way to have them rescinded, or get away.

But I would allow them (and anyone else from any other cult, from that matter) to have and keep their own items (instead of taking them away when I illegally incarcerated their a$$es, as the U.S. did when they Gitmotized their "enemy combatants") if I had to detain them and keep them until I could try them in a court of law, and make sure they really were the bad guys, and not some unfortunate redneck who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, or had a long standing grudge with one of the locals who was sucking up to the invaders.

9. Barbra Streisand makes her movies in Canada, where there are no unions and costs are cheaper. Explain how this helps the American worker in the quest for a "living wage."
I destroyed this one in the comments to HL's original post - there is an actors' guild in Canada, just as there are many unions (some would say too many) up in the Great White North.

If I could only get my hands on a copy of The Canadian Conspiracy (if anyone has a copy - please Please PLEASE can I get a copy from you, or can you tell me where I can legally acquire a copy of this mockumentary?) - I could provide the Chimpquisitor with myriad examples of the Canadian talent that has, is, and probably always will be, so prevalent in the Hollywierd scene. As it is, let's just say that the history of american producers demanding that Canadian actors break their picket lines is a long and storied one. And, like, whichever one is the conservative actor in Hollywierd these days, like, probably makes their movies in Canada, too, eh?

10. List the reasons why you would or would not invite the Democratic Party to take pictures of your grandmother's casket for the purpose of producing a fund-raising ad. Would it make any difference in your answer if Howard Dean showed up uninvited with a video camera and started filming the service?
They would actually be the reasons why I would not invite the Republican'ts to take them. The Democrats would probably ask if they could take photos, and respect my wishes in the matter no matter what decision I made. No matter what Democratic politician it was that made the request. Even Her.

Based on their track history, the Republican'ts would barge into the funeral, demand to take pictures, and refuse to pay anything for using them. Another question worded incorrectly, biased towards providing only answers that the questioner wants to hear (which are all incorrect), and intended to generate a non-sequitur to drag the conversation off-topic.

Someone might even consider asking why Republican'ts continue to use pictures of flag draped coffins and any of the host of other smear tactics even now, while actively persecuting any Democratic ads (even just on the internets, say) that get within one tenth of one percent as bad as a standard Republican't ad in any of a dozen current federal congressional races around the country. Mike DeWine of Ohio seems to be coming to mind right now for some strange reason...

11. Name the total number of months in which you were personally responsible for meeting a payroll, describe the business(es) in which you were personally responsible for meeting the payroll, and state whether the business is still in operation.
Unfortunately, I have sold my soul to the company store.

I have written payroll programs, and run weekly payroll and other financial reports under deadline, and maintained many areas (including payroll) of many computer systems, but I have never been a rich Republican't member of the top one tenth of one percent that has all the wealth in this country, and fires and hires according to arcane rules that I cannot even begin to fathom.

I tried to start a small business, but like most of them, I went belly up before I could pay myself any salary at all. It's even tougher to try and do that now that the era of peace and prosperity is over in american business and the CEO In Chief is large and in charge...

12. State the total number of years and months you have drawn a paycheck. Of that number, how many were in the employ of a governmental unit, NGO, or organization that was funded by tax money?
Wow! That's a rather personal question. I'm sure that at least one of Cheney's government agencies can provide that information to you.

As for the second part, I have never drawn a government paycheck (other than taxable UI benefits for an extremely short period of time) in my life.

13.Would you allow Ted Kennedy drive the bridesmaids to the church for your daughter's wedding? Estimate how many bridesmaids would arrive at the church alive if they were so chauffeured.
If he still has his license, and would want to drive, and I needed a driver, possibly. I would probably just find someone to do it myself if someone planning the wedding couldn't find a rented limo to hire for the occasion.

This is a nonsense question which is intended to infer (for the second time during this quiz so far) that Ted Kennedy is a drunken lout, and quite possibly some other more ugly insinuations about the character, actions, and behavior of a sitting senator of the united states. Which (besides bordering on being legally actionable libel) is a subjective question, and totally inappropriate for this sort of quiz. More offensive than the inappropriate questions in the first quiz, but still not the right thing to ask if you want to get to the truth of things. I wasn't all that big on the Rumsfeld imageries in the original quiz - even though I could see that the original questions were comparing Rumsfeld planning a hypothetical wedding to the actual plans for the war (which is my guess, again I'm reading into the original author's intent here). And that somewhere along the line somebody found footage of Rumsfeld saying that planning the war was like planning a big wedding with a number of factions amongst the guests - or something along those lines, I'm guesstimating here. I still don't like the way it was done in the original, and here the Chimpquisitor uses Teddy Kennedy as a placeholder for the Unholy Eeeevul Limousine Librul who gets blamed, scattershot, for every opinion that this sheeple doesn't approve of.

Ted Kennedy is a cypher for these people, a myth that has been transmorgrified into an unholy sacrament. We shall see more of this.

14. Your brother-in-law calls you to tell you that as a result of the flood of Birkenstocks manufactured in Indonesia, he has been let go from his job the Florsheim factory. Do you (a) call all your contacts and get him placed in another job which may be somewhat different than what he was used to doing or (b) direct him to a government program where he will receive training in efficient assembly of Florsheim shoes?
a. if he knew how to make shoes, and I knew someone who needed a good cobbler, then of course. Otherwise I might help him refine his job search if he asked for my help.
b. I know of no government programs such as these which you speak of.
c. You're taking gabble (and here I'm speaking as a professional) when you try and present the business case - and it's set up wrong, so that there is no correct answer based on any equation that can be derived from the data provided.
d. Take off the tinfoil Tilly, and speak more rationally next time.

15. The 2000 census reports that between 8 and 11 million illegal aliens resided in the United States, versus 2 million illegal aliens counted by the 1980 census. In 1980, 46.5% of the federal and states' prison population was black; in 2000, 65% of the prison population is black. Describe in detail how the increase in cheap illegal day labor has positively impacted economic
opportunity for young men in the African-American community.
Wow! Who cuts your hair, man?

I don't seem to recall that there were any essays in the original quiz. And I could write volumes of gibberish conflating all sorts of unrelated stuff with the unconnected tripe I see in this question. I would personally look towards the increase in DWB* arrests and racially biased police work from the more fervent Republican'ts among the authorities. I don't quite seem to recall when you electorated yourself as scolding schoolmarm.

Pickles, is that you?

16. You are at a stop light and are rear-ended by a young Hispanic man who has glassy eyes and speaks little English. He also lacks insurance and a valid driver's license. Should you (a) lock him up (b) impound his car or (c) apologize for taking over "his" continent and let him go because he did not "know" that he needed insurance or a license,due to his inability to read and understand English.
Is this a trick question?

The question lacks the choice of the correct answer, which is (d) call the police, take down as much information as possible without getting into a confrontation with the other driver, inspect the damage as much as you are able, and wait for the cops to show up.

Of course, one needs to be vigilant about where and when such "accidents" occur. If I was in white Trash Trailer Park land, and a good ole' boy rear ended my vehicle with his truck because he wasn't paying attention when he was backing out of his driveway, and he and his posse decided that I didn't need to press charges, I sure would have to work on a good way to get the cops to show up before any of my person and effects got appropriated by Bubba and Cletis (who got mad because his beer spilled when they backed into me).

You don't mind if I don't get back to you on that?

17. A requirement of naturalized citizenship is the ability to understand, read and write the English language. Explain in detail why ballots should be printed in any language other than English, and describe what you would do to assure that voters are citizens of the United States.
Go look it up, and come back to me. If those be the rules, then spell them out. Whatever. Make a standardized set of requirements and enforce them for all. Don't put in anything silly - like they have to believe in Jeebus, or believe they have to vote for the Republican'ts in every election if they want to stay in the country - and publish it for all. It would be interesting to see if you and yours would all be able to pass the test, or if some of your family had to be deported, too. If we're idly engaging in thought exercises or something like that...

Can you believe that someone who refuses to answer the original quiz has the gall to ask for this kind of crap here? Trying to create some sort of subjectivity test to draw the reader of the original quiz away from the knowledge that the questions asked there had real meaning, and real answers.

Keep it short and snappy, long on facts and short on opnion!

18. Bilingual education provides (a) opportunity (b) diversity (c) a perpetual serf class.
(a) and (b). The american taxation system, as it has been warped by over six years of outright Republican't rule, and thirty years of implicit Republican't conservative control and covert corrpution before that, has created the perpetual serf class.

19. Without going to Babelfish or a similar service, translate the following sentence:
" Me gusta la educacion bilingual porque me gusta que hay mas criadas baratas."
"The Republican't is asking a meaningless question in order to distract from the fact that Republican'ts have screwed everything up since they've been the ones solely in control of the United States government."

20. Nationwide, the cost of educating the children of illegals is estimated to be $7.6 billion per year. Should progressives who sympathize with the Aztlan movement pay a special tax in order to help out with this cost? Why not?
No. No one should be forced to pay any sort of special taxes at all. Because progressives shouldn't be singled out to bear this tax burden, especially when rich Republican'ts aren't paying their fair share of taxes as it is.

21. In the 1950's the average family paid 24.6% of its total income out in local, state, and federal taxes and user fees. In 2006, the total tax burden was 31.6% for the average family, meaning that 32 cents of every dollar earned went to pay taxes at the state, local and federal levels. Over that same period of time, inflation rate was 743.83%, meaning that a dollar is now worth 13 cents. In order to keep up with inflation and the tax burden, more households are two-income households. The top 25% of households yearly income is $50,000 or higher. Explain in detail how a couple consisting of a security guard married to a doctor's receptionist, each making $25,000 per year, is "rich."
Well - that couple used to be rich back in the fifties. But now they're just trailer trash who can't even put together a full rebuttal quiz while lazing around the mobile home all day.

Back in the fifties, the rich paid a lot more in taxes on the extra income they made over and above what the average worker got (while still getting the same share, and paying the same taxes, on the first $50K, just like everyone else. The tax rate increases kicked in, getting gradually higher and higher, when you started making insane amounts of coin). And it was a lot easier on the working stiff as a result. I wonder who it was who changed those rules?

[Editors' Note: Oops!! It seems our original author got a bit confused while writing the questions. Due to some statisticamal strategery in the previous question, our original author skipped a few questions - Ten - a full fifth of the quiz - I'm afraid!!

Praise Koresh that the authors of this quiz got sidetracked, making our exercise a bit shorter this time. But we are compelled to take some serious marks away from the quizmeister for this greivous error. Although it is in perfect harmony with the Repugnican't habit of leaving the job (half-a$$edly) undone.]

32. The children of all the Kennedys, John Kerry, Al Gore, Bill and Hillary Clinton all attended private schools. Explain in detail why the children of Taniqua Jackson and Jose Villalobos should not also attend private schools, and how remaining in public schools will provide the Jackson and Villalobos children the same opportunities enjoyed by the Kennedy, Kerry, Gore and Clinton offspring.
I'd rather explain why they don't get the gentleman's C that GeeWhatADumbA$$ got during his schoolin' days, or the free passes that the Putsch family got, or the opportunities of the Cheney, Frist, Hastert, Lott, Hatch, Janklow, Cunningham, Abramoff, and Delay family's children, thank you very much. They don't even have to work for their grades like the Clintons, the Gores, the Kennedys, and the Kerrys do - and the former get much better opportunities than the latter, even when they're not qualified for them..

Once again this Republican't strumpet presumes to hand out a subjective essay question in order to distract from the screwups of the junta in charge today.

33. It was discovered after 9/11 that several Islamist "charities" made millions in puts on American corporations. Explain in detail how the New York Times publication of the details of the SWIFT program for tracking the movement of terrorist money abroad will prevent a similar windfall to al Quaeda.
It was also discovered that a number of Republican't businessmen did the same thing. And it's been reported that there was some serious pullback from conservatives, upon learning that the Chimperor was about to be installed - enough to cause one of those cataclysmic market index drops just before he illegally crowned himself for the first time. Why don't you want to talk about the traitors in our midst, instead of the straw men you've spun out of superstitious nonsense?

34. Name six Christian leaders of the past decade who have taken (or ordered the taking of) non-Christians hostage, beheaded non-Christians, or have preached that it is the duty of Chrtistians to kill all non-Christians or force their conversion on pain of death.
Pat Robertson
Earnest Angley
Pat Dobson Fred Phelps and the Homo Haters Baptist Church of Kanses
Reverend Swank
Two Catholic deacons I heard gossiping in the coffee shop the other day**

[Editors Note: the wrong religiously insane theofascist was credited as being the head of the HomoHaters Baptist Church in Westboro, Kansas. The Editors regret the error, but, unlike Republican'ts (who can't ever admit that the possibility exists that they might make a mistake), the Funny Farm feels that any errors on this web site should be corrected as soon as they are found.]

35. In 1994, then-president Bill Clinton (acting through former president Jimmy Carter) negotiated a trade pact/treaty with North Korea whereby food, oil, technology and a nuclear reactor would be provided to North Korea in exchange for North Korea's promise to use the technology solely for civilian purposes. Explain in detail the "civilian purposes" of North Korea's nuclear weapons program and the long range missiles tested by North Korea in early July of 2006.
heat light and electrical power usually comes from the newkewlahr tech we sold them. When they still trusted us somewhat, we got the chance to try and make sure that's all they did with it. As with all of that sort of stuff, IMHO the civilian purposes are to help the people that the dictator oppresses so that they can survive his brutal reign.

There are no civilian purposes for the military applications you mentioned - which of course have no relation to the other humanitarian efforts you try to lump them in with. I thought that we used that sort of relief in order to discourage said dictator from developing military applications in the first place. And we used that relief as a sort of wedge to try and monitor them - when we could still be trusted around the globe - from using the tech in military applications of any kind.

As opposed to now, when we know nothing about nothing, and that's the way our Chimpy likes it! Heh heh heh...

36. The first car bomb exploded in the World Trade Center in 1993. In 1996, terrorists attacked the military complex and Khobar Towers in Saudi Arabia, wounding hundreds of Americans and killing 19. In 1998, the American embassies in Dar-es-Salaam and Nairobi were bombed, killing 258 people. In 2000, 17 sailors were killed in the terrorist attack on the USS Cole. All of these attacks were linked to al Quaeda. Osama bin Laden was offered to the Clinton administration for capture by Sudan in 1996, an unidentified Arab country in
2000. Neither Sandy Berger nor Clinton ever responded to the offers. 2,000 New Yorkers are dead today because bin Laden remained at large. Explain why Clinton did nothing to take Osama bin Laden into custody.
You ask me to explain why you have come to a false conclusion, and ask me to argue a logical inconsistency? Again? Gee, I wonder why you think that lets you win arguments. Oh right - because it's a tried and true Republican't tactic that you feel you have perfected?

Somebody else recently pointed out what some of us have known for quite some time: when you let Republican'ts frame the question, they set it up so that all of the answers they allow promote their point of view. The correct answer is not one of the choices allowed. Which tries to bias the axiomatic assumptions that the question is based upon. This is the bread and butter play for Reich wingnuts. How can it ever be countered?

Here's the answer I have chosen to illustrate the manner of questioning this author imposes on her readers:

Clinton tried to bring Osama bin Laden into custody quite a bit while a bunch of Republican'ts in Congress (and the God Squad) (and the media) (and the DINOs like Lie-berman) were sniffing a blue dress.

It was the outgoing Clinton administration that implored the Republican'ts to focus on bin Laden and consider him their highest priority. And the incoming Republican'ts were too busy divvying up the spoils and handing out the favors at the Secret Cheneying Energy Task Force to pay attention, while Pretzeldent Most Vacation Ever took his first month off after a whole half year of presedentialing! It's hard - it's hard work!

He seemed to be getting ready for a new product release a bunch of his friends had been working on for some time already. I believe he had already gotten presidentially pissed off that reporters would dare to question him and his policies.

Where's the short and snappy questions? If I was the scion of this individual I would be quite distracted with all of the schoolmarmish gibber gabber. But glad to note the inability to count on the part of the questioner

37. Your daughter's wedding reception has commenced. Will you allow Ted Kennedy to tend the bar? Explain in detail why you would or would not.
If he were a guest at the wedding, I would not expect him to do so, I might allow it, if it was my decision, and he asked me.

If you are inferring that Senator Kennedy would want to fix himself a drink in order to slur his character and distract (once again) from the original questions, and the original intent of the questions, I would ask why you put such a subjective question in your quiz. And ask why should it matter to me or to you? Why distract us with this meaningless idolatry?

38. In the mid-1960's, Daniel Patrick Moynihan warned that the programs in War on Poverty would likely result in the destruction of the black family. All of the War on Poverty programs are in existence today, and the rate of illegimate births in the black community has gone from 23% to 69%. The rate of kids in living poverty in 1965 was 21%. The rate of kids in living poverty in 2006 is 21%. Aside from providing government jobs, and causing progressives to donate less to charity, what has the Great Society/War on Poverty accomplished?
Bore-ing!

Ray-Gun gutted them all, all of those programs - all those welfare queens, don'cha know? - during the eighties. When he was sorta still in control of most of his marbles, and just using atrologers to aid in making policy.

Ah, the good old days!

39. Your mother is in a coma after suffering a stroke. Since her quality of life is obviously not what it was, do you (a) slip some cyanide into her IV tube or (b) simply tie her to the bed, remove the IV, and have her slowly die of thirst and malnutrition?
(c) if she's in a coma, I keep her on life support, monitor the vitals, and all that medical stuff.

If she's a brain-dead vegetable that's being turned over by nursing staff, I pull the plug - if that was her wish before she got in to the hospital and became a mindless husk in the first place.

Once again I seem to see some superstitious pagan occult beliefs slip in where ration and logic should be, and an incomplete question with an incomplete set of choices.

40. Former Vice President Al Gore has made a movie which claims that climate change is caused by gas and the burning of fossil fuels. Should he cease traveling in his private jet and his SUV, or should Michael Moore eat fewer nachos?
Hmmm - he's the only rich person who might, in this instance, be considered to be altruistic and personally focused (for over twenty years) on this issue. and a gratuitous Michael Moore is fat to boot! You are teh kewlsest evarrr!

He's also trying to be carbon-neutral, trying to help others be carbon-neutral, and trying to get his message across while Republican'ts make Michael Moore jokes about the movie he was asked to help make, which they judge without seeing. Plus - if his SUV is a diesel-electric hybrid that gets 40 MPG, I might just ask him if he knows where I could get one just like it.

41. When was the last time you read the Koran, particularly books 9 and 15? Explain why the Koran is superior to the Bible, and why the public schools' teaching children to be Muslims does not violate the First Amendment, but having a memorial cross on Mount Soledad does.
I do not read any of the pagan occult ritualistic texts that any of the religiously inane*** insane selectively hold dear. They're all very nice collections of often useful fables that many take waaaaay too seriously. Plus, I believe that anyone is free to believe what they want, as long as they don't require others to believe as they do. That goes double for religiously insane bible thumping card carrying members of the God Squad, who seem to think that they have the right to shove their superstitious babble in my face mostly all the time mostly every day. Even after I ask them to get it out of my face.

42. We all know that we all should do our share to help lessen the US's dependence on foreign oil, particularly for electrical generation. Explain why Teddy Kennedy (and a whole lot of other rich progressives)should not have to share the burden by having the view altered by installation of electricity-generating windmills off Martha's Vineyard.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop responding to your fervent belief in the Kennedy as the Anti-Jeebus, and call you out of bounds on any more of this kimchee.

If it's a government sponsored wind farm put in the right place (after some taxpayer dollars being spent on a government study, I'm afraid), then anyone affected should STFU or get eminent domained out of the zone. Especially if it could provide reliable power for the houses whose view is impacted. And I would argue that the view would be enhanced, not harmed, by the windfarm so I disagree with yet another of those biased assumptions you cavalierly toss into your (poor excuse for) questions.

43. Progressives have blocked drilling for oil off the US coastline in the Atlantic. The People's Republic of China has just signed a pact with Cuba, and will be drilling for oil in the Atlantic. Explain how the Chinese will be environmentally responsible in the drilling and transport of the oil, and why it is more desirable that the Chinese have the oil than it is for the US to
have it.
Explain what again? Maybe you could get in a super duper double secret communique to the Pretzeldent and ask him what he's doing about it on his record sixth straight month (and a bit extra on each side) of vacation while occupying the WhiteWash House.

44. It has cost upwards of $24 million and three years of investigation into who leaked Valerie Plame's name to Robert Novak, who found her name in Joseph Wilson's biography in Who's Who. Explain why the leaking of Ms. Plame's name to the press is more heinous than the leaking of the details of the SWIFT program for tracking terrorist funds in foreign accounts to the New York Times.
For the factually challenged, we'll repeat something that most understand about this situation: Novakula's crime was not to mention the name, but to mention that the name was a covert operative for the CIA. Which had the potential (probably now an actuality now that this cabal screwed it up so badly) to endanger the lives of innocent (and not-so-innocent) americans around the world.

Because it has potentially compromised billions of dollars of american assets and personnel across the world, and dismantled the CIA unit that was keeping tabs on as much of the WMD as they could find around he world. One would think that they could find, and keep track of, a lot of the WMD around the world - being a covert CIA operation and all. So in effect this has dangerously disabled the U.S.'s intelligence capabilities in an extremely crucial area of terrorist prevention.

This treasonous crime took out one of the best anti-terror units that the CIA had. Worldwide. Because one diplomat wouldn't buy the junta's lies for a change. One diplomat stood up, and this executive took out a top-notch CIA unit and all of its' human assets worldwide in petty retaliation.

Why don't you feel like the people of the United States should investigate this potential misuse of government funds? Why do you refuse to even discuss it? And how can you sink so low as to blame it on the last legally elected president of the united states?

45. If you were in a serious acccident and could not speak or move without assistance, would you want Michael Schiavo to be your nurse? What if it were your child who had been in the accident?
I have no idea if Mr. Schiavo is a registered nurse, and your wingnutty occult superstitions are peeking through your logic (cough) here.

If I were in a serious accident I would hope that the person(s) who is/are able to handle my needs at such a time are competent, capable, and care about their work.

46. During the last great immigration, immigrants debarked at Ellis Island and were uarantined for communicable diseases and general physical fitness. Those who were diseased were sent back to their country of origin. Few of the immigrants could initially speak English. The immigrants who made it past Ellis Island learned English, and most were European. Explain why it is not racist to allow people who have deadly diseases and who refuse to learn English
to walk across the border and take up permanent residence in the United States.
Explain why sphinctersayswhat?

It could be racist, if the race of the person was a determining factor in the rejection of the applicant. Which should have little to no relation to the disease and language thing - unless you make an automatic and unfair assumption that a particular race would not choose to learn english, have a deadly disease, or jump through any of your arbitrary little hoops. Or ask long winded, politically loaded, and irrelevant questions about yet another issue that Republican'ts have screwed up since they took over all the levers of power over six years ago.

47. Explain why Andrea Yates' drowning of her five children was not a late-term abortion. Would your answer be different if she had simply driven sharp scissors into the bases of the childrens' skulls?
Why, I do believe she thinks her God told her to do it. Right after her religiously insane husband took her off of her medication because his God told him it was the Right Thing To Do.

I also believe her chilluns were popped out of her womb with her full consent. Which can in no way be compared to any pregnant woman's fetus, which you seem to try to imply are equal human beings under the law. We don't even want to get started on that discussion, because it will only lead to heartbreak and sorrow.

It was her choice to birth them, and she made it. What a beautiful choice!

48. The wedding guests are now departing. Another Kennedy is in attendance as well, and wishes to escort some of the more fetching guests to their cars. Do you tell Mr. Skakel (a) "not on your life" or (b) "after we lock up the golf clubs" or (c) "why don't you catch a ride home with Teddy?"
(d) there's a Republican't female (at least, that's what she claims) who's been fixating on you all night, dude. And it's that Fatal Attraction kind of fixating, if you know what I mean...

49. Explain why progressives spend so much time on sexuality and sexual issues, but don't appear to get any.
They usually don't bother telling prissy Republican't busybodies about the personal details of their sex lives, and thus the morally crippled Republican'ts seem comfortable in their superstitious ignorance. Can you believe how they freak out when they try and reconcile their spirituality with their sexuality?

It's when they think they have the right to enforce their twisted occult superstitions on others that I start to have a problem. And when they try and inject it into a rational argument as if it's some sort of logical tautology, it's time to get ready to pack it in.

50. Explain whom you would prefer accompany you in a dark alley in a rough part of town and why: (a) Dick Cheney (b) Harry Reid (c) Howard Dean (d) John Kerry
Hmmm. Kerry actually served, and IMHO knows how to take care of that sort of thing a lot better up close and personal than the rest. Plus he seems to be in pretty good shape.

Cheney dodges drafts and shoots his companions in the face. I don't know about Reid or Dean, but Reid's kinda old to have to ask to do that sort of thing, and Dean would probably rather be a medic and prone to helping those who emerge from dark alleys in need of medical attention.

So I'm going with: Kerry, another irrelevant and frivolous question dissembling from the real issues brought up in the original fifty questions as your last feeble attempt at something resembling coherence, and a general failure to comprehend, much less get close to, making a mockery of, the original.

The judges have to give this attempt an utterly inept rating, and inform the contestant that even podunk unrenovated one-stops on the internets have their standards.****

* - DWB = Driving While Black.

** - it's an inside joke. Seriously, cousin Mike - I'm joking! You too, Rev.E.Paul...

*** - a typo too good to miss while wondering about the name of the ?footnotes?***** in this post.

**** - and why is that frelling Irony Alert Siren going off again? Damn you, George Steinbrenner!

***** - is there a specific name for these sorts of footnotes? Inquiring minds want to know...

Posted by (: Tom :) at July 18, 2006 06:59 PM