The Funny Farm
Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats...
Adventures of a Basic Force For Good in Our TimeTM
Yes, I have been a bad blogger of late. Trust me, you don't want all of the details of the mindCheney I have been dealing with of late. Let's just say that this one is covered in the Messiah's Handbook (Reminders for the Advanced Soul) on one of those pages that weren't shown to us in the book...
So please accept my apologies for interrupting our little discussion. and please take a look at a few things when you get a minute...
Everyone's favorite Suburban Guerrilla shows us a fine example of the limited mental capacities of the current Mouth of Sauron, Scotty McClellan. Dude, I hope yer mom didn't catch you Cheneying up this one!
Everyone's favorite Talking Dog seems to have lost his archives. [tinfoil helmet] This coincidentally occurred just before his promises of lots of insider dirt on the Repugnicant lovefest currently infesting New York City. [/tinfoil helmet]
And everyone's favorite liberal web host, Marc Perkel, shows us yet another example of the Torturer in Chief's lies misrepresentations about his military service (or lack thereof).
We see (care of uber-blogger Atrios) that long time Funny Farm inspirational idol Al Franken proposes that we all have a Great American Shout Out to celebrate (cough) the Torturer In Chief's nomination by the Republic Party Of Amerikkka on September 2 at or about 10PM Eastern Daylight Time. We couldn't agree more. Any and all of ye wanting to join the Coalition of the Wild Eyed on this mission - let us know about it in the comments section below, and stay tuned! More details will be forthcoming.
Also: special note to my buddy the American Stranger over at Blah3: the store is empty! I would like to talk to you about a joint venture to be hosted over here at the Funny Farm. Please email me so we can discuss this further.
...there's usually nothing much to talk about. At least, that's (more or less) the way the saying goes around here. And things have been very, very good around here of late. New traditions established, birthdays celebrated, unique adventures experienced. For starters. I could tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you...*
Plus, there's some kewl Olympic happenings happening, and here in the metro Motor City we just went through the tenth annual Woodward Dream Cruise. Life is good. Knock on wood!**
* - As the other saying goes around here...
** - with immense props to Timbuk3 and their song Sunshine Is Dangerous.
Bogart On Siesta |
Liz Is Almost Approachable |
Cleo Prowls Around the Living Room |
The big news around here (besides it being our sweetie's birthday today - Happy Birthday Ally!) is that Liz (the Twenty-First Century Schizoid Cat) might be willing to interact with the rest of the occupants around here. Over the last few days, Liz has managed to co-exist with Your Humble Narrator long enough to start her purring motor - eight months after she was brought to her new home.
Random guerilla blogging may take place over the weekend from various locations in the North American midwest. Enjoy yourselfs this weekend!
The world would be a much better place if we didn't return a low blow with a low blow - if we instead would restrain the miscreant and hold them accountable for breaking the rules as well as the blow itself. I believe that I can confidently say that, if low blows were grounds for disqualification, none of the sitting officials in Washington would be sitting in Washington. And we would have a much more civilized political debate. Sure, the wingnuts and the moonbats would be at the debate, but the wingnuts wouldn't be running the show - the big money elite would have to find another set of stooges to do their dirty work. Somehow they always manage to...
But I digress. And of course I realize that in the real world, sometimes the elite the rich the powerful some people can get away with breaking the rules. I could give you quite a few examples (coughcoughOxycontinKidcoughcough) (coughcoughCriscoJohnnycoughcough) (coughcoughPencilDickcoughcough) off the top of my head, but I'm pretty sure I'm preaching to the choir in this case.
Anyways,... I haven't been making the rounds through the Funny Farm links zone like I used to. For some strange reason (coughcoughSummerOfFuncoughcough) I've been a bit busy of late. There should be just about enough mind candy over there to get you through your web surfing experience on a daily basis. And the only ditto monkeys you'll see are the trolls in the comments zones.
Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to recharge the outrage meter a bit. The irony alert siren has gone off once again after seeing pResident Bass Blaster can find the time to go on a fishing show. He probably spent more time with the fish than he did with the 9-11 commission. And I'll bet the fishing show got a lot better ratings, too...
Any time Tom Tomorrow says that Atrios is linking to required reading from the Mighty Reason Man and The Daily Howler, and you go out there and realize that these guys are almost BartCoppian* in their anger at the Kerry campaign, you realize that it's something you should post at your site too, so that it might echo along The Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan.
Have a good weekend, fellow campers. We're off to enjoy the unseasonably cool August summer in the Windy City for a bit. See you next week!
* - Is it BartCoppian, BartCopic, or BartCop-like? We ain't grammarticians, so we're not quite sure...
Bogart In A Box |
Cleo In A Box |
Liz In A Box |
Extra special credit goes to Funny Farm Staff Photographer Snoozie Q for her excellent pictures!
Stop calling me at work! Especially when I never gave you my number in the first place.
Not to infer* that someone might have sent a list of Kmart email addresses to financial predators or anything like that...
* - or
Special Bonus under the covers: there is much more to the Kmart story than I am able to divulge at this time. I could even potentially be bought off - if the executroids would act like civilized gentlemen and do right by their employees...
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
sorry, I tried to keep a straight face as long as I could. Let's just say that I do not have confidence that the management would be interested in hearing, much less considering, someone tell them they should think about something besides the extra millions they will pocket at the expense of thousands of regular people. And leave it at that.
The Funny Farm has been busy of late with matters of the heart (and brain farts about our worth in the grand scheme of things). But we're feeling much better now...
But that's not what I want to talk about today. As you may know (if you have read this post) I have a dark secret within my family - they be Repugnicants for the most part. I had the opportunity to talk to them over the weekend at our family reunion.
To begin with, I had no cojones on Sunday, and chose not to confront my older cousin and his Repugnicant hypocrisy about the Torturer in Chief. Hey, there were other things on my mind, and quite frankly it wasn't worth the time. There's no use discussing things with a closed mind.
On an encouraging note, there were a number of my conservative cousins who expressed their disgust for the Chimperor. I think the Repugnicants are going to have to resort to some pretty blatant vote fraud to get close enough to steal this one.
The discouragement came from finding out that even more of my cousins than I originally thought are rabid ditto monkeys. In a five minute discussion I heard every conservabot talking point except the one about the first and fourth most liberal senators in Congress. And only because I beat my cousin to it - I could not believe that a respected and respectable architect could be so willfully ignorant of the situation, and so unwilling to even consider the validity of other points of view.
The discussion ended with:
My cousin : the way you are arguing, you don't seem to be concerned with trying to change my point of view.
Me : that's because I have tried to point out some inconsistencies in your position, and you refuse to even consider the evidence. Why should I remain civil when you aren't, and you aren't even willing to acknowledge the possibility that you might be wrong?
My cousin : well, maybe you better shut up then.
And this is one of (what I thought were) the more rational of my cousins - not the one I haven't been speaking to since the Chimperor was installed in the Oval Orifice. So I guess you take the good with the bad. And one of us is quite possibly going to be in full bloodlust rage mode when the new year rolls around. I sure hope it's not me!
Kmart Cuts More Than 200 Jobs At Headquarters. No, mine was not among the ones cut - but my department lost 2 employees (out of six total in the department). A stressful time was had by all!
Hey, hon - if you're reading this before I get to see you, get that bottle of Eisbock out of the back of the fridge. I'll be drinking early tonight...
The Funny Farm is very pleased to announce the opening of our Country Store. Feel free to browse and especially feel free to buy lots of merchandise. We particularly recommend the Coalition of the Wild-Eyed Dog T-shirt and the Coalition of the Wild-Eyed Classic Thong - but you go on ahead and get whatever you want! Get another one for your best friend!
A pic of the Dog T-Shirt. We love the wondrous irony inherent in the juxtaposition of canine and feline!
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This is another in the seemingly neverending series of things that the media whores will not focus on. Intrepid web journalist Bob Harris has put a lot of interesting pieces together about the pResident Tax-Ass Souffle show and how your tax dollars will be spent to further inflame your fears (warning: link goes to a PDF file that requires Adobe Reader) just before the election. Not that we would ever insinuate that that sort of thing would be even considered by the greedy corpo-weasels that have taken all of the Social Security lockbox funds we heard so much about in 2000, or anything like that.*
It's too bad we don't have a real independent media anymore, and The Daily Show gives us more infotainment per advertising dollar than any other television broadcast feed.**
* - Really, we wouldn't. We'd rather just say it out loud and be done with it.
** - We don't get the Beeb or the Ceeb here at the Funny Farm, so we're allowed to say that.
You don't need to worry about John Kerry's sperm suit when the Torturer in Chief gives you photo ops (cough) like this one eating uncooked, unpeeled* sweet corn:
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I do believe that I owe Get Donkey and Iowa Populist a shout out for catching this most delicious picture!
Cross posted from yesterday's Open Source Politics.
* - the correct term is unshucked corn, but I'm not sure if pResident Gentleman Farmer would be able to use that word correctly in a sentence...
Update: Rob links to the original Reuters article where they confirm that pRezNit Prozac was eating raw corn. The article goes on to say that some people like eating their sweet corn raw. With a straight face. pResident Trying To Be A Common Man walked up to a sweet corn stand, pulled an ear out of the pile, ripped it open, and dug in. Just like he thought the base constituency that he was trying to appeal to did it.
[ Ed. Note: This post has been augmented over time. ]
Tomorrow I will be attending my annual family reunion. This year it's in Holly, Michigan (population : 200 more when the family's in town) (it would be more, but not everybody goes to the reunion any more). And this year it appears that only my parents and myself will be representing our branch of the family tree - only 3 of the 12 family members (my parents and my siblings and their sig-o's) of my parents' generation and my own that would normally have attended the festivities.
My personal experience dealing with the elements of wrongwing nuttery began four years ago, at the 2000 version of the reunion. I talked to one of my cousins, and asked him if he was going to vote for the cokehead (the Chimperor) or the pot smoker (president-in-exile Gore). He proceeded to fill the air with conservabot takling points from that time, and spent fifteen minutes telling me about how wrong I was about pRezNit Prozac, how dare I call him a cokehead when there's no proof, yadda yadda yadda. He then finished off the conversation by saying that, yes, Gore is a pot head so he can't be trusted. And that he couldn't believe I was so ill-informed about things - he told me I needed to start looking around the internet before I spread wild, unsubstantiated rumors about the Torturer in Chief.
Needless to say (but I will anyway), I was somewhat taken aback upon basically hearing the opinions of El Chupa Cabra coming out of my cousin. Especially coming from someone whose opinions I respected since childhood, and whom I considered to be a respected elder in my personal circle. Even then I was aware of the hatemongering and hypocrisy emanating from that particular orifice, and I was upset that what was coming out of my cousin's mouth could have been copy for PigBoy's show (maybe not in its' more, um, logically inconsistent moments, but still...). And I was upset because it seemed to me that my intelligence was being challenged by my cousin's assertions as well. But, more than anything, I was upset because it seemed to me that what I thought was a pillar of my world view was now shown to be a minion of the Dark Side.
So, anyways,... it's now four years later. I feel honor- and duty-bound, as a card carrying memeber* of the Forces For Good In Our Time, to ask my cousin once again about his feelings in the matter of our current political situation. I don't think I'll be asking him if he is voting for the cokehead or the pot smoker this time, but I will hopefully have the cojones** to say that I was wrong when I talked to him four years ago.
I should have asked him if he wanted to vote for the drunken cokehead who deserted in wartime or the religiously insane pothead who actually went to Vietnam. And I should have been reading Rush Limba-Lying Nazi Whore before I talked to him about pResident Do As I Say, Not As I Do.
* - yes, this was a Freudian slip. But it seems somewhat appropriate as I have been stretching my talents (cough) as a sloganeer within the grounds of the Funny Farm these last couple years.
** - pronounced co-(as in cold)hone-ays here at the Funny Farm.
[Friday cat blogging will return next week]
Which is why, now that I have (more or less) jettisoned the religious superstitions that have been drummed into me since birth, I still wonder about karma / fate / coincidence when it smacks me in the face, like it did yesterday.
I had just finished my nasty taunting of XOverboard (because I finally managed to catch onto something before somebody else!), and then went to open my mail. If you can believe this (and I have to - it happens to me all too often) I found these in the big envelope in my mailbox:
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Thanks to John for the lovely gift! Dude, in yet another nice coinkydink, red is my favorite color. And welcome to the weird karma that is the hallmark of the Funny Farm - yet another snared into the web of being good to your fellow man (bwa ha ha...)! On the flip side, everybody thinks you're getting laid a lot more than you actually are, because they can't understand how the ladies can be so kind to you all the time...
P.S. The deck of cards are the deck of Repugnicant Chickenhawks. Maybe you should get a deck or two yourself!
This scoop is just in the media whores will never cover this category, but still...
Juliusblog put together a Timeline of Terror Alerts which will hopefully be standard reading for the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan before too long.
Thanks to TBogg for pointing us to this valuable resource.
[Ed. Note: we note that our scoop has scooped our good friend XOverboard by a few hours. Neener neener neener!
But we also note that John seems to have the mystical ability to blog during work hours, while we have to focus our energies on combatting inefficiency within the business practices at Kmart (trust us, it's not as easy as it sounds) during the working day. Damn you, George Steinbrenner!]
I'm wondering more and more if the Onion is a real news source. This could very well turn out to be a true story...
 Above: Bush adds an entry to his blog |
But here's the scoop: they got the wrong blog. Here at the Funny Farm we have known about the Torturer in Chief's blog for some time. It has been inactive ever since the Chimperor tried to tell us about his respectability responsibility (or lack thereof) for any of the many clustercheneys that have occurred while he's been usurping the White House.
Will the Onion admit the error of their fake news reporting? Or will this serve as yet another scandal to impugn the reputation of the evil liberal media? Inquiring minds want to know...
[Ed. Note: This post has been temporally enhanced. It's a school night, and I'm going to catch up on some z's]
I am among the luckiest of sentients in the multiverse right about now. Why, you ask? Because the lovely and talented Ally the Roulette Queen has brought me this nugget, which I would like to share with you!
Today's gift is a palindrome (no, not that palindrome)*:
Dubya won? No way, bud! |
I'm sure there are many others, but this one just has that ring about it, you know?
* and we mistakenly called it an anagram (which, technically, it is - all palindromes are!) - even after our baby told us it was a palindrome! We regret the error. Can you see how red our face is from your monitor?
Top U.S. prosecutor quits post, joins Detroit law firm after mixed tenure. Guess he was too much of an embarrassment to Crisco Johnny and the Injustices. You know, because it was all his fault that (emphasis and heightened emphasis courtesy of the Funny Farm Editorial Staff)
[snip]
Arab-American leaders praised Collins' efforts.
"It's always hard to lose a good friend in government," said Imad Hamad, Michigan director of the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee and cochairman of BRIDGES along with Collins. "We in the community are losing a champion of dialogue and an open-minded leader, and a person who worked hard, since his first day in office, to build trust."
Collins' office also tried the nation's first terrorism casearising from the Sept. 11 attacks, winning two convictions. But the case turned into a fiasco after attorneys challenged the convictions amid allegations of prosecutorial misconduct. One of the assistant U.S. attorneys on the case, Richard Convertino, is under investigation for his role in the case and is suing U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft and Collins, accusing the Justice Department of gross mismanagement in the war on terror. In November, Collins' office dismissed criminal charges against two former Kmart executives charged with securities fraud after the prosecution's star witness waffled on the witness stand.
Collins' office also suffered a major setback during the recent acquittals and dismissals of charges against 16 Detroit police officers who were indicted for violating the civil rights of crime suspects. Three other officers pleaded guilty to lesser charges and cooperated in the investigation.
Collins said that case did not influence his decision and emphasized that U.S. District Judge Avern Cohn said the officers should never work on the force again. Collins noted that his office prosecuted five Mt. Clemens officers in June in connection with the beating of a 24-year-old college student. Four of them were convicted.
Cohn, who last week dismissed the charges against the remaining Detroit police officers, called the prosecution of that case "well conducted." He praised Collins in other areas, too.
[snip]
I see. So because AssKKKroft and his goons Cheneyed up this investigation - let's get rid of the guy who gets along with the oppressed minorities of the moment to set an example!
There goes that damn irony alert again, too. No, wait - this time it's the alarm telling me it's time to go to work, behind the sound of the irony alert. Talk to you again soon!
With a wave of his hand, Pope John Paul II causes every Catholic nun on the face of the earth to simultaneously orgasm. (The Miracle of Immaculate Ecstacy)  |
Thanks to XOverboard for the pic of the Pope getting down to biznatch wid his beeyatches.
An ad from the Repugnicant Party of Floriduh  |
It is so interesting to see that the Repugnicants are blaming the Democrats for the things that they themselves have been doing. But so typical for these two faced lying bastards. I wonder if you could possibly find a way to get to the official Democratic Party Absentee Ballot Request Form if you were to contact these people? That's okay, though. If you really need to get one, you can click here (warning: PDF file - Abode Reader required) and get a copy of the form to send to the Florida Democrats to request one of their absentee ballots.
Apologies, dear readers, but you might be seeing a couple of pieces providing some slight insight into some personal reasons for my outrage at anyone who can continue to mouth Repugnicant talking points after seeing the carnage that pRezNit Prozac has wreaked on the country since he usurped office in 2000. And that's all I'm gonna say about that right now. Time to get ready for another week in the working world...