The Funny Farm

Why We Don't Write About Everything Under the Sun

Short answer: because everyone else does.

You didn't really think you'd get off that easy, didja?

For example: recently we couldn't believe our eyes when we saw that a Kansas Prosecutor Demands Files on Late-Term Abortion Patients. We had a pretty good spiel all worked up. But then we decided to take a look around the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan first. And we found a few others who had already seen this story and made progressives aware of it*.

We tend to try and bring some of the more obscure stories (as far as we can tell) to light, or make some sort of connection that we haven't noticed others pointing out regarding a particular story. And provide original commentary on things we deal with in our lives. Among other things designed to delight and amuse those who visit, as well as ourselves. We have been reliably informed by some of those whose opinions we value that we have realized those goals from time to time within these pages. So there's that... and it's enough for us.

Sure, we'd like huge hit counts, linkage from everyone under the sun, and Koufax Awards every year (we think). But since we're a part of the reality-based community, we realize that life doesn't always work that way. Hopefully we'll continue to appreciate the cheap thrills that we get from posting things here for your viewing pleasure.

* - and that's just the main players in the left blogsphere. We're not even going to link to all of the lesser known bloggers who waxed eloquent on this topic (who are legion). We are glad to note that this stuck in the craw of an awful lot of the left - it makes us think that we're not quite as, um, eccentric as we have been led to believe by some.

Salute

The Funny Farm thanks The Poor Man for controlling his inner Beavis and refusing to succumb to the continual temptation to make 8+ cut refernces to JD Guckert every other sentence. We'd probably end up dying of laughter by the third post, and then we wouldn't be able to hear any more transcriptions from The Editors' ongoing conversations with the Invisible Cloud Being. Who knew that the All-Being, Master of Time, Space, and Dimension, had such a potty mouth? and was so interested in the mistakes made by mere mortals when selecting players in the annual NFL draft?

Update: shortly after writing this, we managed to make our regular rounds to visit some of our fellow progressive bloggers. And found out that Digby has also been admiring The Poor Man's restraint - albeit for different reasons.

Plus, he said flogging. Uh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh...

The New Journalism

We sure hope that some others will come to the same realization that we have of late: the true journalists are no longer a part of the mainstream media (MSM). If you haven't been paying attention, or been looking for some semblance of investigative reporting to show up on the Conservative New Network, Faux Snooze, or any of the regular broadcast networks, we think you should consider checking out some of the more obscure sources of information available to you these days. It seems improbable to us, but people like Molly Ivins are no longer heard, or their voices are minimalized, in the MSM when they have something to say. In one days' worth of blog posts over at Suburban Guerrilla, we found numerous posts about things ignored or downplayed by the MSM. And we haven't even linked to half of the real stories* Susie pointed out. In one day.

Plus, we are still amazed at the one story she actually broke - the number of dead American soldiers in Operation Iraqi Liberation is actually about four times higher than the official count. Funny how that little factoid is being scrupulously (cough) downplayed by the MSM. Or is it?

This is just one of the worthies we consider to have more journalistic chops than most of the illicitly government funded rich corporate shills who parade the latest Republic propaganda throughout most of the media outlets available to the average infotainment consumer. Can you imagine what a dozen of these people could do if they received a fraction of the MSM money being handed over to the vile Pigboy? Or Spammity? Or the Coulterbeast?

It's thoughts like that, running through our crazy head, that manage to keep us hoping against all odds that somehow the Giggling Murderer, along with the brain dead hordes who think he's the model citizen that we should all hope to be like someday**, will find their just reward.

* - not counting all of the little inside gags, kewl web toys, and cross-links to other blogs who are infotaining to her (and probably would be to you, too!).that she posted about on Friday. Granted, the day in question is a little, um, excessive, as far as her regular bloggy goodness goes. But there's still more real news pointed to here than you would get in twelve hours of watching Faux Snooze...

** - not to bring up any lying, thieving whores, or the a$$holes they married, or anything like that...

We Are Feeling Extremely Honored Right Now

...because we finally noticed that we are one of the Essential Reads over at Rook's Rant. Worth more than a Koufax in this neck of the woods (at least until we get some sort of recognition from the mighty and powerful Wampum). Rook (aka Guy Andrew Hall) has been on a tear lately about the corruption of the big boys in the Fahionable Left Bank of Blogistan by corpo-weasels. And he has a valid point - if you start to become beholden to corporate interests, whatever they may be, you start to change your attitude in order to stay in their good graces. For that matter, we have managed to bite our tongue, and remove all of our Putsch bashing cartoons and articles, from our work zone since pRezNit 100,000 Dead stole the last election. Considering the hostility and retribution against some bloggers for merely posting candid photographs* from their place of business, we think we can't be too careful these days**. Especially considering the nose-tweaking we have done (in our own small corner of the blogsphere) to some of the more rabid wrongwingnut sites of late. but as we discussed recently, we aren't quite sure how we should handle this situation - we're really not all that interested in making waves (especially considering how many closed minds will refuse to listen to anything we might have to say), but we're not going to let Republics exploit our good nature any more either.

Anyhoo,... we're sure that some day soon we will find a way to resolve the conflicting demands on our psyche. In the meantime, you're just going to have to deal with posts like this that start out with us puffed up with pride, and end up with our angst over dealing with the horns of a dilemma in our everyday life***. Hopefully there will be enough mind candy strewn within our meaunderings to infotain you enough to keep coming back...

* - snap, snap, grin, grin, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more! Know what I mean, squire?

** - but then we go ahead and be reckless anyways. Go figure!

*** - as well as our penchant for mixed metaphors, obscure references to ancient well-worn hand-tooled classical comedy bits, and many things unfamiliar to the average bear. And our use of the royal "we" when we write about life, the universe, and everything here...

Infotainment Time

[the following is a public service announcement from the Funny Farm News Burro]

Ted Rall has offered a challenge to wrongwing bloggers everywhere (yes, we're looking at the melons over at Powerline, the Instacracker, the Rot-Filled Whiner and the vile Coulterbeast - who supposedly has a blog*, although it's really just a bit of pretty white space that costs a lot of money) to prove to the rest of the world that wrongwingnuts get more violent and threatening remarks and insults than progressives.

We here at the Funny Farm wonder sometimes if we resemble that violently threatening and insult-filled liberal that frightens Republics so. Of course we have been incessantly told by any Republic within earshot that we are; however we have become aware that getting liberals to feel guilty about expressing their anger at their mistreatment is a staple of Republic behavior. We've also scrupulously avoided profanity within these hallowed (cough) webpages, and try to make our insults of the highest quality and greatest complexity (so as not to offend any regular denizens of Free Republic or Little Green Fascists Footballs that might find their way here). In other words, we have given it the old college try to make it as infotaining as possible around here without resorting to continual trashing of the ethically challenged members of the right blogsphere.

We haven't received very many emails of violent, threatening, or insulting nature here at the Funny Farm. We haven't received very many emails at all as a matter of fact - but most of those that we have gotten have been very positive. So we're reasonably certain that we have engendered some respect and adulation, at least in the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan. We have never been told to tone it down by one of our fellow progressives, although we have been notified that we were coming close to skirting the edges of civility from time to time. And we have received a very few emails and comments that disagree with our points of view. They haven't been to the level of virulent negativity that Mr. Rall gets - and they haven't been very threatening or filled with violence. Profanity, yes. But nothing to discuss with the local authorities, or worry about someone stalking us. We have sent off an email to Ted himself, and eagerly await a response from him on his opinion of our level of conversational toxicity, since he seems to have had much more experience in this area than we have. Stay tuned to this station for further developments...

* - we've been particularly amused from day one that, next to AnnThraxx's pic, we see the tagline Ann Coulter speaks her mind... - and then we see nothing but an ocean of white space. It's almost as though Ann is purposely trying to let us all see that there is nothing inside the skull-like object perched on her shoulders.

Stupid Question

Why? Because one of the media whores on the Conservative News Network is asking it, that's why:

We would add SUV drivers, Hummer drivers (who are in a class of their own), and Republic drivers (look for the W '04 sticker on the back) to the list. For some strange reason a lot of the members of first two categories seem to be in the third one as well. It also seems that those in the third category feel that they own the roads, and that others only use them at their sufferance. Especially any others that might have a leftover Kerry/Edwards bumpersticker on the back of their vehicles and show some reluctance to being cut off by said Republic drivers...

One For An Old Friend

...if you look at it from our perspective as proprietors of bloggy goodness since 2002, that is. We stumbled onto this list of the Top 100 gadgets of all time over at the web zone of our favorite mental health care services provider, Follow Me Here. We know the link is almost a week old; but we couldn't help noticing the promotional blurb for item number nine on the list refers to the name of one of our favorite places to visit on the web. While we never got to check out the original (we were hooked on number ninety-seven on the list), we're sure it was every bit as much fun as its' reputation makes it out to be.

This Also Just In

Wampum has just announced the 2004 Koufax Award winners. While our prognostication skills were practically nonexistent somewhat (cough) lacking not as good as we hoped (we only got one right), we wish all the best to all the big wieners winners this year. Plus we have been reliably informed there will be some (non-Woot) boobies showing up at one of the big winners' site. Woo-hoo!

Another Quick Question

Is it just us, or does Ed Schultz sound like Rush Limbaugh with, like, reasoning skills, and without the Oxycontin? Sort of like Rush's non-evil twin?

We mean no offense to Ed in making that statement, by the way. But, as one fellow progressive put it to us the other day, when Ed taps on the desk with his pen, I almost instinctively start to change the channel. Plus, Ed is fairly conservative himself. Maybe the cognitive dissonance will cause some of those FReeper melons to spontaneously combust or something. We can always hope…

Quick Question

First and foremost, thanks to Aislin for this cartoon:

Which brings our thinker to consider this question: In light of the Chimperor's recent proclamation that Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles are specifically most not welcome to come to the WhiteWash House as long as he's illegally occupying it, we wonder if there are any countries on Chimpy's European Vacation tour who might say that they don't welcome murdering usurpers who kill innocent soldiers to line their pockets, then lie about it on the international stage. And can afford to endure the wrath of the Giggling Murderer if they dared to question his morality (or lack thereof). We're kinda looking at our ancestral home of Belgium here. Are you Phlegms up to the challenge?

This Just In

There is a petition online to demand Brit Hume resign from his post at Faux Republic Propaganda News. Apparently it is in the process of being FReeped.

Anyone want to do something about this? We would suggest a nice profanity-laced message using A$$Reamer's Hindrocket's email addy to counter the responses put up online by FReepertrash purporting to be Teddy Kennedy, Michael Moore, Al Franken, and Bill Clinton. And then one from Instacracker. Any other conservative luminaries (cough) you feel should comment here?

Well, Isn't That Interesting?

When we tried to access the lying, hypocritical ad that defames the AARP, we were told that we couldn't go there - the web page it directs us to (http www hypertracker com /go /usanext /SpectatorSkyScraper/) is classified as Spyware by a popular web filtering service.

We would strongly recommend that anyone who has had the misfortune of enduring the hate-filled screed by USANExt linked to at the American Spectator check for spyware on whatever PC you accessed the ad from.

This has been a public service announcement from the Funny Farm News Burro.

Update: For some strange reason (coughcoughgettingcaughtlyingtheira$$esoffcoughcough) the AARP ad is no longer showing up on the American Spectator's web page. Imagine that...

Swear To Koresh, It's Not April Fools Day Yet

But it sure feels like it after I saw this article from the Associated Press:

Vatican University Debuts Satanism Classes. Seriously.

So what happens when the rest of our family tries to get us into a program to exorcise the demons so obviously (in their eyes) corrupting our soul? Or will we merely be considered to have some sort of mental problem, and get committed to the facility of their choice? What happens when pRezNit 100,000 Dead decides that it would be a good idea to spend tax dollars and create the United States Exorcism Corps (the new Peace Corps for the New Millennium) to drive Satan out of America? And what happens when your local theofascist decides that you need to be brought into the light and have your demons cast out?

Is anybody else scared yet?

Standard Bearer For The Right

Does anyone else remember all the Republic torque coming from Instacracker (no, we don't link to trashy blogs like that one around here) about how Ward Churchill was the voice of the left? Just a typical liberal saying typical liberal things. Never mind that his piece written shortly after 9-11 was briefly mentioned in progressive blogs, his viewpoints were noted (as opposed to the distortion of them by the Hordes of Instacracker) and thought to be a little on the radical side of the progressive spectrum, and the left moved on. No big deal - his point was made a little more, um, intensely than most progressives (even those here on the Funny Farm News Burro staff) would have handled it. But not the sort of thing to go ballistic on - at least from this side of the blogsphere. We remember Jerry Falwell making much more incendiary comments blaming just about everyone for 9-11 except those who blindly followed his interpretation of the Invisible Cloud Being's message to its' creation. We don't recall Mr. Falwell being held up as the voice of the right at that time, or any other for that matter.

Anyways,... we do seem to recall certain (coughpowerlinecough) blogs (coughpowerlinecough) who seem to consider themselves (coughpowerlinecough) the standard for all of the blogsphere ('cause liberals don't count, don'cha know, and they got Time's coveted this is the first blog we found Blog Of The Year award). We're reasonably sure (cough) that they don't speak on our behalf, but we're also confident that won't stop them from claiming to if it suits their purposes.

So it was with great interest that we saw a link to this blog post over at Daily Kos. Apparently a Minnesota blogger (Powerline is at least partially run by a lawyer in that state) emailed Powerline and asked them,

and received this lovely response:

[Warning: profanity has been altered but should be fairly obvious even to our younger viewers. Parental discretion is advised]

Now we gots to ask you: have you ever seen such an awesome command of the Englitch language? And from a lawyer, no less. Wouldn't you love to have this guy defending you in court? Although we have to believe that farging iceholes like this would prefer to torture defame and insult prosecute others instead of defending them. Possibly defend corpo-weasels, but that's another kettle of fish altogether (coughcoughlotsofcoldcashcoughcough). We have also been reliably informed that someone writing for the Powerline blog has called former President Jimmy Carter a traitor. So we have to ask the (largely rhetorical) question: does the right blogsphere have no shame? Will any of them denounce these clowns and say that they do not speak for the right blogsphere, or conservatives in general? Will Instacracker recant from his obviously inaccurate statement that Ward Churchill is the spokesman for the left? Will Glenn disavow the statements made by Powerline, and ask for a public retraction and/or apology? Will Hugh Hewiit even notice that conservatives have made statements of this nature, and will he denounce either of Powerline's obscene email or their remark that a former president is a traitor to the United States? Just like the MN Politics Guru, we won't be holding our breath here at the Funny Farm waiting for any conservative to admit that any other conservative could possibly have said anything wrong at all.

Someone Please Tell Us What This Means

Thanks to LO (there's so many players it's hard to tell who is who without a scorecard), over at The American Street for letting us know that Writer Hunter S. Thompson Killed Himself yesterday. Was the BFEE about to deal with this horrific danger to the American psyche? Did Hunter find out he was in for a few years of crappy life, and then a horrible death, due to some sort of illness? The world may never know...

Yin/Yang

We had a pair of interesting encounters the other night, happening back-to-back, as it were.

First we got into a discussion with someone who is aligned more towards our own progressive tendencies - but much farther advanced ethically, so to speak. We were trying to get a grip on our current personal dilemma: how do we handle things when our good nature is being deliberately exploited? The answer we received boiled down to assuming the best in people, not getting upset ourselves when we get exploited, and avoiding situations were exploitation is possible. In other words, basically work on not letting the way we see the world cause us to lose our way and our principles. Which does not to seem to address our difficulties when we have to deal every day with a society where exploitation seems not only to be expected, but also to be approved of. Definitely something we need to work a little more on as much as possible - but side-stepping the question somewhat from our viewpoint.

Shortly thereafter we experience the flip side of the coin, so to speak. We got embroiled in a political discussion with a conservabot. The following conservative torque was applied to our psyche during the brief conversation that followed:

To begin with, we were told that we had our chance to speak, and now it was our turn to listen after the points we were trying to make were constantly being interrupted with standard conservabot torque points;

We were then informed that unemployment was at its' lowest since the Giggling Murderer usurped office. We were conveniently (cough) not allowed to point out that the record number of discouraged workers, along with the record number of those who can no longer qualify for unenjoyment benefits might have something to do with those low numbers;

We were also informed that our governor, Jennifer Granholm, was responsible for the economic mess that the state of Michigan is in. At this point we were also conveniently not allowed to point out that both the Michigan Senate and the Michigan House of Representatives are controlled by the Republics, and they might have something to do with the government policies being put into place since Granholm became governor;

We were also told that the previous governor did wonders for our state. The fact that he almost bankrupted things with corporate welfare and tax breaks for the rich couldn't have anything to do with that in this conservabot's eyes, of course;

We were also told that Republics always have to clean up Democratic messes when they get into office, which is why the economy is typically worse during Republic presidencies as opposed to Democratic ones;

And finally, we were told in no uncertain terms that it has only been during the latest Republic junta's reign that we have been able to start cleaning up the corporate malfeasance that blossomed during the Clinton years. We tried to tell this individual that the only ones we saw getting sentenced were Tommy Chong and Martha Stewart, and that Ken Lay and the rest of Pinhead's pals seemed to be getting no attention at all. This point was studiously ignored during the rest of the discussion, which ended shortly thereafter with us saying I think it's best we agree to disagree, and leave it at that. Which of course couldn't be done by the other side of the debate (such as it was) - he had to get a couple of parting shots in just for good measure.

That's what we're up against, gang - we try to play by the rules, we are willing to admit that we might share in the responsibility for things going to hell in a handbasket, and we are willing to compromise for the good of all. And they are more than happy to exploit all of those positions, they are never willing to concede that anything might be their responsibility, rules are for suckers, and compromise is okay as long as we are the only ones doing it. We wish that there was some way for us to be able to live by our standards and still be able to come to an understanding which is of mutual benefit to all. But we just can't see it. And we're tired of (what we consider to be) running away and letting them do as they please - because all we see is that they are expecting that sort of behavior in anticipation of exploiting it to suit their needs. We don't want to have to stoop to their level - but we can't see any other way of contesting their exploitation of the situation. So we're open to suggestions, because we won't be letting them exploit us any more - and we don't want to resort to (for us) unethical tactics in order to get through our everyday life. We'd love to find a place where there is a level playing field, Republics are held to the same standards that they impose on everyone else, and those who don't play by the rules are held accountable for their actions regardless of their wealth, power, or connections. Any ideas?

Another Quiz That Seems To Have Us Pegged

Courtesy of Tina's Shark Tank, we went and took a quiz. In one of those mind-boggling coincidences which permeate our everyday existence, we finally got around to watching the third Harry Potter movie earlier this week. And we're very pleased to show you the results:

You scored as Sirius Black. You are a gifted wizard and very loyal to your allegiance. Whilst you have a big heart and care very much about those around you, you can be a little arrogant and reckless at times. Harry Potter 100% Sirius Black 100% Remus Lupin 100% Severus Snape 80% Ginny Weasley 65% Hermione Granger 60% Draco Malfoy 60% Albus Dumbledore 60% Ron Weasley 50% Lord Voldemort 20% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

Some would question the use of the adjective little with regards to our arrogance. Especially if they haven't talked to us in a while (we've toned it down a bit in the last few years. Just imagine how bad we used to be).

Quick Note To CNN

You forgot to give us a real choice in this poll:

We would humbly suggest that, if you would have added Putsch to the list, he'd be the runaway winner of the poll...

We also noticed that Wolf Blitzer (R-Lying Hypocritical whore) wants to know:

We humbly request that you go go here and vote Yes. Or at least we would have suggested it if we had gotten this post up while the poll was still active over at CNN.

It's Official

Game Off! NHL season canceled. For the second time in over one hundred and ten years, the Stanley Cup will not be awarded. The first time, World War One had just ended and a significant portion of the population, including most of the players in the series to award the Stnaley Cup were really sick from the flu (and one of them that we can remember off the top of our head - yes, he was a Montreal Canadien - they're everywhere in hockey history and nowhere to be found in the playoffs for the last ten years - died of pneumonia brought on by his bout with influenza). So, after playing four games, the series was canceled with each team having won two games in a best-of-five series. That's right, kids - the only other time the Stanley Cup was not awarded, they played every game but one that season. So, in the history of professional hockey, we have one Stanley Cup final series left tied 2-2, and one season with no games played because the greedy owners and the greedy players couldn't decide how to divide the spoils. We hope that Bettman and Goodenow are banned from ever being associated with the NHL again. Corksockers...

And, speaking of which*, we always wondered where Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute went. Apparently until recently he was a male presstitute for the Giggling Murderer. Way to go, Fred!

* - like, beauty segue, eh?

Gary Bettman Is A Farging Icehole

[A Day Late and a Dollar Short post from the Funny Farm]

Players agree to salary cap but two sides remain distant. The NHLPA finally decides to compromise with the league owners, but like the fatcat elitist bastiches they are, the owners want to make sure the players know who is in charge and who is going to be whose beeyatches. Not that we've seen this type of behavior before by any other fatcat elitist bastiches (coughcoughrenominatingradicalneoconjudgescoughcough)...

Update: as amazing as it seems, (coughcoughrevisionisthistorycoughcough) the article which we read yesterday and wanted to show all of you has been replaced with a new article entitled NHL makes final offer, sets Wednesday morning deadline. But you already knew that if you clicked on the link above. These bastiches can't even stick to the same story for more than a half a day. Now the story is: the NHL has put a take it or leave it offer on the table. But the main point of this post remains the same - the NHL has the hammer, and the NHLPA better bend over and take it up the bum like the good little beeyatches the NHL seems to think they are. Not that we're suggesting that the NHL owners are acting like arrogant spoiled fatcats or anything like that...

No Retreat, No Surrender

It seems that we may have gotten on some Republics last nerves over at Talk Left. What do you think?

Koufax Votes

We finally managed to make it over to the finalist voting for the Koufax Awards. There were an awful lot of tough decisions that had to be made. So here's who we finally decided to vote for:

Best Single Issue Blog:
This was a relatively easy one - almost no contest for the Daily Howler.

Most Deserving of Wider Recognition:
This was a tough category - most of these blogs should be on everybody's must read list. In the end we decided on Suburban Guerrilla because she is a daily read, while Dohiyi Mir, Bob Harris, Majikthise and Sisyphus Shrugged are almost daily reads.

Most Humorous Post:
Even though we can't see it anymore via Wampum's link, we have to go with Poker with Dick Cheney by the Poor Man. Although had one of Norbizness' funnier posts made the list, we probably would have voted for it...

Best New Blog.:
Gots to be Bob Harris. Nobody else has made as much of an impact right out of the gate.

Best Blog by a Professional :
Another tough category - we like a lot of these guys. But in the end, Political Animal usually gives us the widest variety of topics, gets to things fustest with the mostest, and introduced Friday Cat Blogging (which we fondly remember being a part of, and would still want to do - if only we still had a cat around the Funny Farm) to the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan.

Best Commenter:
We guess we're a little too, um, intense to be considered for this category (notwithstanding our nine month haiku duel with The Talking Dog over at Busy Busy Busy, our occasional caption contest entries over at Norby's zone, and our frequent comments at many many other blogs). So we voted for our good friend NTodd.

Best Post:
Another very tough category. In the end we had to go with Digby's Evolutionary Theology because it strikes a chord with us on a personal level. All of these posts should be required reading for any progressive. So get comfortable, and start perusing.

Best Expert Blog:
We seem to have run out of easy choices. All of these guys (and gals) are mondo excellent in their field of expertise. The main reason we're going with Orcinus this year is because we went with Talk Left last year and we like to spread the love...

Best Blog:
Aaarghhh! We can't vote for all of them, dangnabbit! So we have to say that the dart came up in Hullabaloo's part of the board.

Best Group Blog:
Welly well well. Pandagon is no longer into the group thang, so they're out as far as we're concerned. Tough choice amongst the rest has been made: we're voting for Corrente in this category.

Most Humorous Blog:
We value humor very highly here at The Funny Farm (coincidence? Sadly, No! we think not...) and we think all of these blogs are a laugh riot on a regular basis. We're throwing a monkey wrench in things (especially if somebody wins by one vote) and voting for Happy Furry Puppy Time with Norbizness here. The proffered bribes from Norby had nothing to do with our decision (especially considering that we know he'll never come through on them...).

Best Writing:
Tough tough tough - in the end we went with our first repeat vote: David Niewert of Orcinus

Best Series:
All very good series, but we really like the way Jeebus' General tweaks the noses of the powers that be, so we voted for him.

And that's all the finalist categories we could find. Let us know if we missed any (especially if you can provide a link to the missed post). And go vote yourself!

Conservitard Alert

Take a look at what we found in our emailbox this Sunday morning:

This CONSERVATIVE ALERT is a special message for The Funny Farm from the Conservative Book Service: Misconceptions about the Crusades are all too common. Generally portrayed as a series of unprovoked holy wars against Islam, they are supposed to have been the epitome of self-righteousness and intolerance -- a black stain on the history of the Catholic Church in particular and Western, Christian civilization in general. Since September 11, variations of this theme have been used to explain -- even justify -- Muslim terror against the West. Former president Bill Clinton himself, in a speech at Georgetown University, fingered Muslim anger at the Crusades as the "root cause" of the present conflict. But the truth is that the Crusades had nothing to do with colonialism or unprovoked aggression -- and in A Concise History of the Crusades, renowned medieval historian Thomas F. Madden sets the record straight. The Crusades, he shows, were not the brainchild of an ambitious pope or rapacious knights but a response to more than four centuries of conquests in which Muslims had already captured two thirds of the old Christian world. At some point, Christianity as a faith and a culture had to defend itself or be subsumed by Islam. The Crusades were that defense. Their entire subsequent history is one of Western reaction to Muslim advances -- they were no more offensive than was the American invasion of Normandy. Get hundreds of "politically incorrect" facts like these: Islam was born in war and grew the same way. From the time of Mohammed, the means of Muslim expansion was always the sword. With enormous energy, the warriors of Islam struck out against the Christians shortly after Mohammed's death. Palestine, Syria, and Egypt -- once the most heavily Christian areas in the world -- quickly succumbed. By the eighth century, Muslim armies had conquered all of Christian North Africa and Spain. In the eleventh century, the Seljuk Turks conquered Asia Minor (modern Turkey), which had been Christian since the time of St. Paul. The Byzantine Empire was reduced to little more than Greece. In desperation, the emperor in Constantinople sent word to the Christians of western Europe asking them to aid their brothers and sisters in the East. The end of the medieval Crusades did not bring an end to Muslim jihad -- Islamic states like Mamluk Egypt continued to expand in size and power, and the Ottoman Turks built the largest and most awesome state in Muslim history. Under Suleiman the Magnificent the Turks came within a hair's breadth of capturing Vienna, which would have left all of Germany at their mercy. At that point Crusades were no longer waged to rescue Jerusalem, but Europe itself. It is often asserted that Crusaders were merely lacklands and ne'er-do-wells who took advantage of an opportunity to rob and pillage in a faraway land. Recent scholarship has demolished that contrivance. The truth is that the Crusades were notoriously bad for plunder. A few people got rich, but the vast majority returned with nothing. The Ottoman Turks conquered not only their fellow Muslims, thus further unifying Islam, but also continued to press westward, capturing Constantinople and plunging deep into Europe itself. By the 15th century, the Crusades were no longer errands of mercy for a distant people but desperate attempts of one of the last remnants of Christendom to survive. Europeans began to ponder the real possibility that Islam would finally achieve its aim of conquering the entire Christian world. In 1529, Suleiman the Magnificent laid siege to Vienna. If not for a run of freak rainstorms that delayed his progress and forced him to leave behind much of his artillery, it is virtually certain that the Turks would have taken the city. Whether we admire the Crusaders or not, it is a fact that the world we know today would not exist without their efforts. Without the Crusades, Christianity might well have followed Zoroastrianism, another of Islam's rivals, into extinction. Filled with dozens of maps, illustrations, and photographs   A Concise History of the Crusades by Thomas F. Madden This hard-to-find release is on sale now for only $17.95 -- almost 20% off the publisher's price. What Muslims, multiculturalists, and the media hope you never find out about Islam Save 20% off bookstore price.   The Sword of the Prophet by Serge Trifkovic "The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam" Since the attacks of September 11, dozens of books have been rushed to market purporting to "explain" the religion in whose name the terrorists acted. Most of them strike a common theme: "true" Islam -- as opposed to the "fundamentalist" variety of the hijackers -- is a "religion of peace" that promotes charity, tolerance, freedom, and culture no less than "true" Christianity. To correct this, Trifkovic gives us the unvarnished, "politically incorrect" truth about Islam -- including the shocking facts about its founder, Mohammed; its rise through bloody conquest; its sanctioning of theft, deceit, lust and murder; its persecutions of Christians, Jews, Hindus and other "infidels"; its cruel mistreatment of women; the colossal myth of its cultural "golden age"; its irreformable commitment to global conquest by any means necessary; the broad sweep of the military, political, moral, and spiritual struggle that faces us; and what we must do if we wish to survive. Serge Trifkovic The Sword of the Prophet is now available for 20% off the bookstore price. We also recommend this publishing milestone... The first comprehensive defense by a major scholar of the historical truth of the entire Old Testament Save 20% off bookstore price.   On the Reliability of the Old Testament by K.A. Kitchen "After decades of 'minimalism,' it is refreshing to have this first systematic refutation from the opposite position. It provides a step-by-step review of the evidence for biblical history in its Near Eastern context by a leading authority equally at home in Egyptology as in the archaeology, history, and literature of ancient Western Asia. K.A. Kitchen writes with conviction and verve, not sparing those who are 'factually disadvantaged' or who 'do not do their Near Eastern homework. He takes readers back through time like an archaeologist digging a mound." -- William W. Hallo, Yale University For more than 200 years, questions about the factuality of the Old Testament have led many critics to see it as little more than pious fiction. In this fascinating new book, noted ancient historian K.A. Kitchen takes strong issue with today's "revisionist" critics and offers a firm foundation for the historicity of the biblical texts. In a detailed, comprehensive, and entertaining manner, Kitchen draws on an unprecedented range of historical data from the ancient Near East -- the Bible's own world -- using it to soundly reassess both the biblical record and the critics who condemn it. Working back from the latest periods (for which hard evidence is readily available) to the remotest times, Kitchen systematically critiques the many failures of favored arguments against the Bible and marshals the pertinent evidence from antiquity's inscriptions and artifacts to demonstrate the basic honesty of the Old Testament writers. On the Reliability of the Old Testament is a must-read for anyone interested in the question of biblical truth. "A tour de force that questions many of the simplistically assumed hypotheses of Old Testament scholarship while at the same time contributing to a more comprehensive understanding of the environment in which the Hebrew Bible was composed. Kitchen's lifetime of study of the ancient context of the Old Testament makes this volume a must-read." -- K. Lawson Younger, Jr., Trinity International University K.A. Kitchen's On the Reliability of the Old Testament is now available for 20% off the bookstore price. Save almost 30% off bookstore price.   The Politically Incorrect Guide to American History by Thomas Woods PC propagandists have rewritten America's history -- but this history book is different: it's true! Ideal for anyone who wants to know the REAL story about America -- including high school and college students Our Price: $19.95 Special Hardcover Edition!   You are receiving this communication because you requested to be e-mailed regarding issues and offers of interest to conservatives once used a conservative spambot to spoof a conservitard alert, and now cannot get off their mailing list. You are currently subscribed as: None of your frelling business . For removal of your subscription even more conservitard alerts, send an email to your personalized unsubscribe address: (We tried to do this, and got more of these frelling propaganda pieces.) Was this message forwarded to you by a friend? You can sign up for our Conservative Alerts for FREE! Go here: contact information redacted by the Funny Farm Paid for by the Conservative Book Service

Isn't it nice to fill your fellow occult pagan ritualists with hypocrisy and misinformation on the day you set aside for spiritual enlightenment? Can you imagine what sort of reaction these people would have if they saw something like this promoting Islamic books with a similarly propagandistic outlook on the recent Oil Gulf Wars?

The Song Remains The Same

We have managed to remain gainfully employed with our current corpo-weasel slavedrivers benevolent bosses for over five years now. Quite a significant milestone here at the Funny Farm - because our previous record was a little over two.

We would be remiss if we didn't also point out that we have not gotten a raise since there was a legally elected president in the White House. Nathan Newman tells us that Kevin Drum (Calpundit) and Matt Yglesias (of TAP and a fabulous blogger in his own right) believe that wages have risen much faster than the cost of living. We guess that the unspoken ending to that last sentence is since the Unelected Usurper stole office. And we gots to tell ya that, from our viewpoint, the exact opposite is true - we had a steady gain in our wages during the Clinton years, and no gain whatsoever during BFEE rule. And costs have skyrocketed for us in the last four years. And we have been reliably informed that we are lucky enough to be in the upper echelon of wage earners in America* - just not up in the executroid range. Plus we are among the lucky ones in our group of family and friends - the vast majority of those near and dear to us have lost some salary during the cabal's rule, never mind factoring in the increase in the cost of living during that time.

All we're saying is: we are fairly high up in the food chain, and the last four years has been a complete and utter disaster as far as wage increases vs. the cost of living is concerned for us. We humbly suggest that Kevin and Matt get a little more reality-based research in before they profess a belief that wages are increasing faster than the cost of living during the BabyDoc years.

* - our previous boss was very fond of saying that she was being paid more than a French whore. While we didn't (and don't) make as much as she did when she ruled the department with an iron fist, our salary is considerably above the average annual salary for our state in 2002 . And we're pretty sure it's still above that average for 2004 - even if salaries increased at the same rate they did from 2001 to 2002 in the years to follow.

Time For A Cartoon

Funny Farm Internet Time Waster

[Yet another potential blog post category - if we ever decided to do that sort of thing*]

Plucky Punk leads us to this quiz:

What kind of intelligence do you have?

The results were unsurprisingly exactly what we expected:

Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.

As a mathemagician and computer programmer, we have to say that we resemble that remark…

Take the quiz for yourself, and see how you do...

* - not too bloody likely, considering the extra work involved in setup, going back and categorizing existing posts, and the general air of lackadaisical whimsy at the Funny Farm these days...

Quick Note To Family And Friends Who Shop At Wal-Mart

Still think that Wal-Mart is fair to its' workers, and would never retaliate against them if they tried to unionize? Think again...

As Union Nears Win, Wal-Mart Closes Store.

But, man, you can't beat those prices! Right?

What The Frell?

Is anyone else getting this site on their computer when they try to go to Pandagon? How come we never get to find out about this sort of thing until it's too late? Is young master Taylor a bit late in his payola? Or did he finally say a little too much that struck a few too many nerves with the powers that be? Inquiring minds want to know...

Update: all now seems to be well in Jesse's world. Go back to your regularly scheduled activities.

The Big List Is Finally Out

[A Day Late and a Dollar Short post from the Funny Farm]

From Kevin Drum at Political Animal, we see that Kevin Hayden over at The American Street has put together a list of progressive sites. Kevin Drum says that there are over a thousand progressive blogs listed. We are honored to be one in a thousand in this case…

Yet Another Surprising (cough) Revelation About The BFEE

Medicare Benefit Estimated to Cost Taxpayers $720 Billion Over Its' First Ten Years. After they lied about the costs originally in order to get the bill passed, threatened to fire an expert on the costs of the program after he tried to tell the truth about the estimated costs at the time of the bill's debate, held a vote in the wee hours of the morning to pass the bill, and kept the vote open for over three hours until they could threaten cajole enough Republics to pass it. And now we find out that the estimates used in arriving at the $551 billion figure were not factoring in the increasing number of people who will be eligible for the program. The article further goes on to say that the gross cost of the bill is actually $1.2 trillion before including the savings realized from states being forced to pay more of the costs of medication, the increase in premiums paid by those using Medicare, and the savings created within the Medicare program itself.

Yet another example of the sterling morality of the junta currently running (what used to be) the greatest nation on earth into the ground. Thanks, Putsch!

Update: D'oh! As usual, one of the uberbloggers posts on the story before we can get our trite little commentary out into blogtopia (yadda yadda yadda y!sctw!) the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan^TM. Damn you, George Steinbrenner!

The Pillsbury Pantload Shoots Himself In His Doughy Foot Yet Again

Why is it again that an uninformed spoiled brat can libel a professor again (coughcoughnepotisticjournalismwithoutsubstancecoughcough)? Praise Koresh that professor Cole is able to smack down this doughy pantload with half his brain tied behind his back. Plus, even though he has no need of any help in shooting this particular herring in this particular barrel, Cole shows us a couple of similar opinions from others who are in agreement with his take on the situation.

Of course, by now you might have guessed that this post is just an excuse to shamelessly promote a wondrous picture by The Poor Man:

Quick Question

Was it just us, or, when you saw the Super Bowl commercials for CareerBuilder dot com, did you think you were looking at the lone Democratic voter in a sea of Republic ditto monkeys?

Take a look for yourself (links to the ads are almost halfway down the list on the left hand side of the page) and let us know what you think in the comments...

Update: we have received a comment directing us to the office featured in the Carreer Builder ads. Just go - but make sure you move any beverages away from the computer before you do...

Just Wondering...

We've made mention of this before, but after reading Orcinus' take on recent in-your-face attempts to minister (cough) to those unholy heathens who dare to practice the abomination of Santorum-on-Santorum love, we have to ask: why are there not similar efforts to disrupt events held by those hatemongers who choose somewhat, um, extreme methods of converting others to (their idea of) salvation?

Why are there not hordes of people with bullhorns gathered on public property next to the churches where the God Hates Fags church members congregate, disrupting their weekly services? Why is no one doing the same thing to Repent America that they are doing to those that they consider abominations? Why is sauce for the goose not sauce for the gander?

We know that we are encouraging a somewhat radical agenda here. However, after observing and enduring over twenty years of radical conservative activism, we feel that there is no longer any alternative. Reason, logic, civil discourse, and consideration for the wrongwingnut agenda (which now seems to us to be the mainstream conservative agenda) as an alternative point of view is no longer practical. We are in the midst of an all-out culture and class war. Even though (figuratively speaking) we feel that the Geneva Conventions still need to be upheld by our side, we still feel that, based on their rhetoric and their actions, these neo-cons should be treated as an enemy force which is actively engaged in a war against liberals. We feel that many liberals, and most moderates, haven't even gotten to the point where they are prepared to believe that such a culture/class war is taking place. In our opinion, it is way past time that liberals use all the resources available to them to engage in activities designed to prevent the radical right from persecuting those who do not toe their line. We also strongly believe that a successful strategery would include bringing to light all of the malfeasance and illegality of those in the radical right who feel that they are above the law of the land - not joining them in stretching those laws as much as possible. Liberals cannot win any battle in which the current crop of conservatives make the rules.

The solution is to point out the illegalities that those currently driving the right's agenda are engaged in, and strive to make them pay the price for their actions - not to engage in similar illegalities designed to further the liberal cause. Especially not when the conservatives enforce the rules as well as define them.

Quick Note To Andy Reid And The Philadelphia Eagles

Practice managing the clock. A lot. You have an entire off season to work on it, and you need to figure out how to run a hurry up offense. A lot.

Time For A Cartoon

Compassionate Conservatism In Action

While we here at the Funny Farm occasionally (cough) disparage the virtues (or lack thereof) of the Repugnicants we have had the misfortune to come into contact with, we never considered the prospect of any actions intended to cause them harm, either personally or with regard to their property or livelihood. However, it has come to our attention that the host of the Koufax awards was deliberately infected with a virus for the unspeakable crime of promoting liberal thought within the blogsphere.

Are you really that afraid of someone expressing an opinion that is not in total and absolute agreement with yours? It is the sincere hope of the staff here that there is some way to make sure that whoever is responsible for this blasphemous act is punished. We'd like to say that we hope the guilt they feel about performing such a heinous crime eats them up - but these are Repugnicants we're discussing here. They have conclusively shown over the last twenty years that they have no conscience whatsoever. Praise Koresh that we are so insignificant that we are not worthy of their tender affections (cough).

It has been reported that Jeebus' General and JuliusBlog have been targeted with similar attacks. How many conservative blogs have had the same sort of treatment? Oh, that's right - none of them. The burning question still remains: what can be done about this sort of thing, either from a legal standpoint or in order to prevent such immoral behavior from being allowed to take place? In a just world, something would be created so that, when such a virus is sent, those responsible for committing this crime are immediately identified, and the virus they tried to send to others gets directed back at their own sorry a$$es.

Best of luck to Wampum in trying to pick up the pieces and keep on being a voice of sanity in the wilderness. Will we see this sort of behavior become the standard of interaction between the left and right blogspheres? Or is it possible that there are some conservative voices out there who will condemn this practice? Somehow we seem to think that AnnThraxx Coulter's only regret would be that they didn't send a virus to anyone who dares to question the junta. If she ever put anything on the blog that she is being paid for, that is...

A Few CNN Polls You're Unlikely To See On TV

But, thanks to the intrepid staff here at the Funny Farm News Burro, you get a chance to check them out here:

Wolf Blitzer (R-Paid Republic Shill) asks:

Lou Dobbs (R-Paid Republic Shill/Fatcat Corporate Elitist) asks:

And, from a special section devoted to fluffing the pResident over his recent speechifying telling us about the state of the union:

Long time Funny Farm readers (both of them) will realize that this post was also driven by a compulsive desire to use the number 69 on this site...

America Now Officially Sanctions Torture

From both sides of the aisle, too: Senators Mary L. Landrieu of Louisiana, Joe Lieberman of Connecticut, Ben Nelson of Nebraska, Bill Nelson of Florida, Mark Pryor of Arkansas, and Ken Salazar of Colorado have voted in favor of allowing pRezNit Not My Fault to be considered above the law.

As a reward for their fellation of the pResident, Smirky McWarHardon is now travelling to Nebraska, Florida, and Arkansas to actively campaign for the removal of these senators when they come up for re-election in 2006. Does this sound familiar to anyone (coughcoughMaxClelandcoughcough)? And we question the sanity of those who repeatedly do the same thing (show support for this arrogant monster) and expect different results...

Are We Having Fun Yet?

There's been a bit of talk about a national ID card. we guess that's because some Republic chucklehead is putting a bill into the legislature to make it a federal requirement again. Not that we can already envision some of the potential invasions of privacy ourselves, thank you very much - but this ad takes our puny scenarios and ratchets them up a whole 'nother level. We strongly advise youse to take a minute and check this out. Than take another few minutes, and think about how close we already are to this sort of thing being the standard for dealing with the corpo-weasels.

And, once you've done all that, then go see the extended entry for this post. you'll be glad you did...

You'll especially be glad you did, because the rest of this post will make a heck of a lot more sense to you if you do...

You know, it's too bad that a similar system would not be available to those receiving the calls, too. You know, so the customer could say something along the lines of "I see that you have a history of putting the wrong toppings on my pizza. And you refuse to do anything about it when you are informed of your error. I'll deduct 20% from your stated price for this order, and a further 20% if you get anything wrong this time."

Thanks to Avedon Carol over at The Sideshow and The Liberal Avenger for leading me to this...

Taking The Aqua Teen Hunger Force Challenge

Just because It's that kind of day...

I am Dr. Weird from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!! Which Aqua Teen Hunger Force character are you??

Thanks to our good friend the American Stranger over at Blah3 for sending us off on this wild flamingo hunt*.

* - like, wild flamingo hunt, eh?, is, like, wild goose chase, in, like, Torontonian (pronounced Tron-tone-ee-an), eh?