The Funny Farm
Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats...
Adventures of a Basic Force For Good in Our TimeTM
The always infotaining Suburban Guerrilla shows us that, according to SpangleMonkey, it is International Blog Comments Week:
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We would appreciate just hearing from you whoever you are, and wherever you are checking us out from.
Through three degrees of separation including a trip to the mighty uberlefty Atrios himself, World O'Crap confirms what we heard earlier today on the radio*: List of Schiavo Donors Will Be Sold by Direct-Marketing Firm We have no doubt that some of those who will now be constantly bombarded with spam from the religiously insane - who will soon be running low on regular tithes, we thinks, judging from their hysteria over the rotting husk that at one time held some sort of sentience - will welcome the chance to put their lives in the hands of the direct marketing scammers or one of the "products" they promote in their mass emailings. But perhaps some of the thousands who have donated to this cause will not appreciate the added attention they will be receiving. Get some popcorn, and tell us how it all turns out. We have other things to do...
* - NYTimes atricle; registration required. Please consult your recent memory for helpful hints on viewing (coughcoughuseridtomfunyfarmpasswordfunnyfarmcoughcough) this article.
O-Dub shows us another example of the usual projection tactics being employed by Publicans these days on a regular basis. It seems that the dirty tricks division wants to get a twofer: write up a memo on acceptable talking points for Publicans to use about the Terri Schiavo case, then accuse your opponents of doing it to make you look bad. We can think of a few other theories about the origins of this memo other than the three that one of Minnesota's finest legal minds (cough) could come up with (off the top of our head):
- Karl Rove
- a high level member of any Publican congressional staff
- a prominent Publican congresscritter with ties to the religiously insane such as Frist, Delay, or Santorum
Of course, when you're an A$$Reamer who thinks none of himself, his BFEE handlers, nor any other of his fellow Publican sheeple can ever do anything wrong, those kind of logical connections would never come to mind. Can anyone tell us why this clown is considered to be such a good lawyer? And can anyone let us know why we seem to be having an eerie sense of deja vu when thinking about someone accusing others of committing the very same improprieties as they themselves engage in?
No More Mister Nice Blog makes a very interesting comparison, and we gotta say that we admire his logic here. We feel compelled to add that he is being kind to Peggy Noonan because he completely overlooks giving her a well deserved castigation for comparing every single animal protection organization she could think of*, along with those who oppose the death penalty and those opposed to spousal abuse, to, um, well, Nazis. For anyone not aware that Publicans immediately seize upon the worst in their enemies to justify their own outrageous behavior, please read this. And bear in mind that Nooners is one the more mildly insane right wing media whores around these days. Or, rather, she was, before this piece of intellectual kimchee came out.
* - giving us quite an odd flashback to a Married With Children episode where sports facts start going into Kelly's melon in one ear - and family, friends, and personal facts start being forced out the other. Apparently we have found the limit of evil librul environmentalist whackos that can be held in Nooner's short term memory at any one time.
Update: Apparently Norbizness has some problems with Peggy's latest flight into faith-based journalism too... and caught the obligatory abortion references that we overlooked in our haste. Good job!
It seems that even the religiously insane are becoming aware that evil is loose upon the world. Unfortunately, they are looking in the wrong direction. Let's help them out, shall we?
[satirical emphasis and/or commentary and outraged alternative responses courtesy of the Funny Farm News Burro]
This week's RenewAmerica Forum: The forces of evil -March 20, 2005 In Nazi Germany during the early twentieth century (Bzzzz! We have an early invocation of Godwin's Law), an entire culture engaged in (or implicitly supported) some of the most heinous crimes against humanity ever recorded (coughcoughlookedatIraqlately?). We too-easily place all the blame for such evil upon But A case can be made that no dictator, including This phenomenon was evident in the former Soviet Union, and it is evident today in Communist China, Castro's Cuba, and similar oppressive dictatorships around the world (coughcoughAmeriKKKacoughcough). Our leaders are us, to a large extent--no matter our form of government. For that reason, Our duty to As we reflect on the implications of these premises, we would do well to remember the words of Jefferson: "Rebellion to Such a sentiment is the logical extension of the fact that we are obligated to the Creator in the exercise of our unalienable rights (in as much as 'facts' or 'logic' are considered in any way by any of the religiously insane (who got them wrong in this case anyway. At some point--as a culture disintegrates morally and politically--its people have a Without such "activism," common citizens are literally part of the problem. Failure to act implies consent--as well as complicity--in the defining moments in any nation's history .. Terri Schiavo's One of the most defining moments in our nation's modern history is taking place right now in a hospice in Pinellas Park, Florida--where brain- This defining moment has led to another defining moment: the passage early Monday morning of Terri's Bill, an unprecedented measure Given these developments, it's fair to say that whichever way this disturbing situation goes will greatly determine who and what we are as a people. If Terri dies, America will in large measure die with her. If the religiously insane get to flaunt the law like the Texas Souffle does all the time, we're all frelled. If Terri survives her horrible ordeal as a brain-dead vegetable, it will be because America has been taken over by corrupt theocrats, er, on renewed strength--morally, culturally, politically--at this critical juncture. The "powers that be" seem to know this, as Terri's dilemma continues to foment a major As a result, the rhetoric of both sides is unusually passionate and loud. What a crucial time in which we live! As we seek to do our part as patriotic citizens, let's undertake to save both Terri and our nation--by And let's not let up until Terri is safe Your role In a press conference Saturday, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay commented that one of the main reasons Congress was willing to sacrifice its time and convenience to pass Terri's Bill was Rep. DeLay made it clear that He said national leaders were being pushed to act by the huge This means that each individual can make a difference, especially by rallying others to action by example, thereby spreading that example exponentially. In the immediate days ahead, let's not let up. Let's intensify. Let's focus our attention even more than we did last week on the Terri Schiavo saga, and let's get out and do whatever we can to help prevent zealotry become the law of the land. Many of you have already headed to Florida to lobby for Terri. And many of you who live in Florida are already doing what you can for her. But we can all do more. Let's multiply our influence by enlisting others--and let's keep pressure on Jeb Bush, the Florida legislature, the courts, and the president Your response What do you think? We think that whoever wrote this needs to pull their head out of the sand. Are you prepared to defend Terri down the stretch? What do you think of the latest developments involving Congress and President Bush? The Disaster Monkey and the BugMan seem to be using up quite a bit of their political capital on this issue. What do you predict the federal courts will now do? We'd like to know your thoughts on our . . .. Question of the Week March 20, 2005 Those who have followed the controversy surrounding the In these people's minds, good is evil and evil is good, and anything can be said to further the cause of evil, as long as it sounds good (have you looked in a mirror lately?). Exhibit A was the debate in the House late Sunday night in which a dozen liberals sought to Unfortunately, the radical, mindless rhetoric of the Nonsense. Lies. Distortions. (cough) Shortly after Felos uttered the above words while announcing the removal of Terri's feeding tube on Friday, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said Felos was "the personification of evil." And if anyone is intimately familiar with evil, it's Tom Delay!
Let's have a wide-open discussion about where the latest battle in our nation's growing culture war is headed--as we continue to lobby hard for Terri. Yes, let's! We're not so sure you'll want to consider our opinions in these matters, however... |
We read this earlier, and we couldn't really believe what we were reading. Especially coming from the LA Times, which we had believed to be relatively un-whorish. Until now:
[emphasis and response courtesy of the Funny Farm News Burro]
ALBUQUERQUE — At the start of a potentially crucial congressional recess, in which lawmakers will hear from constituents about President Bush's plans to overhaul Social Security*, Bush and his allies (nope, no unwilling shills here! Nosirree...) asked Democrats and AARP on Tuesday to stop attacking their ideas. What ideas would those be?
Bush issued the plea alongside his "I believe there will be a bad political consequence for people who are unwilling to sit down and talk about the issue unless they're Publicans," Bush told McCain, who was pimping with Bush on Monday and Tuesday for a swing through New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado, pointedly addressed AARP, the 35-million-member lobby that has galvanized opposition to Bush's plans among seniors. Choosing his words carefully watching for the knife in the back if he said the wrong thing, McCain "I want to say to our friends (cough) in the AARP — and they are my friends (cough): Come to the table with us," McCain said. "We not only have an obligation to seniors, but we have an obligation to future generations, and we can't screw them all without your help." His remarks, which through an amazing coincidence echoed statements made Monday by Vice pResident Dick Cheney (R-Halliburton Whore) and House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Bill Thomas (R-Arrogant A$$hole), reflected a recognition by White House strategists that unified Democratic opposition to the Bush-backed Bush wants to let workers born after 1950 divert a portion of their payroll taxes into individual, privately managed by a bunch of BFEE stooges retirement accounts invested in stocks and bonds controlled by a bunch of BFEE stooges. In return, workers would have to accept Bush concedes that the accounts alone would not solve the retirement system's problem in handling the coming wave of baby boomer retirements but steadfastly refuses to concede that they will make things much worse and cause another three trillion in national debt. But he casts the accounts as part of a larger plan, which has not yet been spelled out, to shore up the system's shaky finances (coughcoughgiveusallyourmoney!coughcough). Opponents charge that creating private accounts would drain money from the system, putting current and future beneficiaries at risk while leaving them vulnerable to the vagaries of the stock market. Critics also disagree with Bush's claim that the system will soon be in crisis. They suggest that only minor fixes are required, such as adjusting benefits or raising payroll taxes. An AARP official said McCain was wrong to suggest that the group wants to wait on a fix, but he added that private accounts were not a viable option. "We share an interest in resolving this problem sooner rather than later, but we have pretty profound differences on how best to solve it," said John Rother, AARP's policy director. Of the group's opposition to private accounts, he added: "We're not budging on that." Tuesday's conciliatory language by McCain was a stark contrast to efforts by another group that supports private accounts, USA Next, which recently launched a campaign to paint AARP as a liberal front group (coughcoughgoodcopbadcopcoughcough).. AARP backed Bush's 2003 legislation creating a prescription drug program as part of Medicare and has regretted it ever since. The organization remains popular and pervasive, and is a formidable opponent to the White House message machine. AARP launched its third wave of advertising against the Bush plan over the weekend, with ads in newspapers and on radio and television nationwide. One features a plumber telling a woman that the only way to fix her clogged sink is to demolish her entire house, suggesting that Bush's plans for Social Security are out of proportion to the problem. The group claims that its members have made 500,000 contacts with Congress by phone and e-mail. Bush, "A lot of people rely upon the check especially if their rich well connected daddy can't 'fix' all their messes," Bush said. "It's an important part of their life (but not for rich snotty idiots like me!). That's why none of us want to put a system in place that touches that check unless you were born after 1950. It's essential that you hear that so that you'll buy into my BS and let me and my rich friends steal even more from you." * - well, actually, Republican leaders say they are chucking the open town-hall format. At least until they can get enough of those ACTROID robots programmed to parrot Publican talking points. |
Purloined from my good friend Bartcop*:
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* - while also desperately catching up on my not-as-daily-as-I'd-like-of-late site viewing and listening to BartCopRadio (never mind all the rest of the amazing netradio shows out there coughcoughJoeVecoughcough a well as some of the netradio choices available to you automagically through whatever browser you employ) and finally getting to show 70. Lots of good stuff in the mix...
Rice Urges China to Embrace Religious Freedom. Hey, you Chinese don't seem to be worshipping the same God that my husb-, that my president seems to be worshipping. And your government officially frowns on some religions, instead of letting the more radical religiously insane among you suppress religion on their own. Get with the program!
In other amazing news, pRezNit Perpetual Vacation can't get off his duff to take care of what gub'ment should be worrying about. But he sure has enough time to intervene in the wishes of the medical services company that is making a fortune trying to keep Terry Schaivo in her vegetative state a brain-dead husk who asked to be taken off life support if extraordinary means were required to keep her alive. He has the time to intervene against her wishes, that is. Funny how this decision helps the big medical corporations, and pays lip-service to the religious right. Never mind that pResident Two-Timing Backstabber signed a law in Texas that expressly gave hospitals the right to remove life support if the patient could not pay and there was no hope of revival, regardless of the patient's family's wishes (coughcoughflipflopcoughcough). It must be that there is still some money left over somewhere in the Schiavo family...
The ever popular (around these parts) Suburban Guerrilla points us to The World's Largest Collection of Musician Jokes.
A sampling for your amusement:
How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ?
Neither did I
What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?
Homeless ..
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two oboists playing in perfect unison.
How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?
Evidently all of them.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.
What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, and the neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawn mower and don't return it.
How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much better they could've done it.
What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."
A sax player dies and goes to the pearly gates.St Peter says sorry 'too much partying you have to go to the other place. The elevator doors open and he goes into a huge bar.All the greatest are on stage on a break.He goes over to Charlie Parker and says .Hey this can't be Hell all the best are playing here.Charlie say's hey man 'Karen Carpenter is on drums!
What's the range of a tuba?
About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on ?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones.
What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.
How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. I'm better than you."
How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
The doorbell shrieks!
Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
He's too sensitive.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Dedicated to Nancy Sinasac, Marge Ducharme, Don Waller, David Hight, and our fellow former trumpeter Paul Acton.
The good: listeners in the metro Detroit area are now able to listen to some of the programs put together by Air America radio.
The bad: These radio programs are being carried by one of the local Clear Channel radio stations, WDTW (1310 on your AM dial).
The ugly: These radio programs are featuring advertisements for joining the Army, among other Republic scams.
We sometimes find ourselves listening to WDTW, but not for too long - because we can't handle the knowledge that, in order to support progressive radio, we'd have to buy into the crap their advertisers are spewing.
From the always infotaining Suburban Guerrilla:
 You're The Guns of August! by Barbara Tuchman Though you're interested in war, what you really want to know is what causes war. You're out to expose imperialism, militarism, and nationalism for what they really are. Nevertheless, you're always living in the past and have a hard time dealing with what's going on today. You're also far more focused on Europe than anywhere else in the world. A fitting motto for you might be "Guns do kill, but so can diplomats." Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid. |
For giving his own special thanks to local thugs, local greedy polluters that will prevent us from ever enjoying the Smoky mountains again, greedy brain-dead Illegitimately Installed Usurpers, greedy fraudulent embezzling corpo-weasels, greedy unfeeling Senatorial pricks, greedy illegally installed Gub'ners, and more greedy unfeeling Senatorial pricks. It sure smells to us like a bunch of greedy iceholes who could care less about the wishes of everyday ordinary people are pushing a bunch of excrementally ruinous policies through the bowels of their respective systems before they go off and feast on the misery those policies will generate. It appears that he has covered all the major food groups, too...
Ok, then.
We've been voting in the CNN polls on an almost daily basis, and this dude (or his handlers) is (are) obsessed with illegal immigrants. His CNN poll has been asking very pointed questions (which seem to be designed to make the poll taker have a negative view towards immigrants in general) about people who come to this country to better their lives. Is Lou worried that some newsreader from a third world country will show up to take his job? Does CNN have plans to outsource their broadcast employees to another country? Did someone in Lou's immediate family circle get entangled romantically with a foreigner? Is Lou planning on joining that militia group that is planning to illegally monitor the Arizona border? Because we gots to tell ya, this seems to us to go waaaaay beyond casual concern for potential problems arising from immigration processing difficulties...
Unbelievable hypocrisy has caused the broken irony alert meter to start ringing incessantly once more here at the Funny Farm: Greenspan: Fix Social Security to Protect Economy. Now he tells us that U.S. lawmakers must move swiftly to shore up the Social Security retirement system to avoid economically crippling budget deficits in the future. Um, wouldn't those record budget deficits, and the interest payments on the money needed to finance them, have anything to do with avoiding crippling budget deficits in the future? Wouldn't the recent giveaway to the pharmaceutical companies in last terms' huge Medicare rip-off, er, Republic legislation, and the increased expense thereof, have anything to do with avoiding crippling budget deficits in the future?
This evil clown also admits he was wrong about surplus forecasts in 2001, but then says he would still line the pockets of the wealthiest 1% of Americans advocate for the tax cuts he supported then. Gee, does anyone else wonder why an old man who is among the elite in terms of personal wealth would still think that it's okay to give himself more money at the expense of everyone else?
Funny how this Chimperor toady publicly states that 2008 is shaping up as a deadline year. Funny how the last year that pRezNit Do As I Say, Not As I Do can pillage the government till is going to be a crisis year. Funny how all those tax cuts which have failed to stimulate the economy have nothing to do with all the deficit problems we're having. And the billions we've been spending on Operation Iraqi Liberation don't seem to figure into the calculations either. Nor do all those hundreds of millions (that we've found out about so far) that Halliburton has stolen from the American taxpayers. Isn't that amazing - it's all Social Security's fault!
Hey - there's a relatively easy and painless (for a vast majority of the citizens of the United States) solution to this problem*: rescind the tax cuts for the wealthiest 5% of the population, and raise the salary cap on Social Security taxable income to $150,000. How come everyone except those who will lose their unfair advantages can admit that will solve the problem? Somehow we don't think that these points will be brought up by any of the rich elitist Republic shill journalists on Faux Noose or the Conservative News Network, or even MSGOP/NBC or Viacom/CBS or Disney/ABC.
Is anybody else scared yet?
* - at least, among sane, non-senile economists these days there seems to be some consensus that this would solve the problem.
We know it's just a small drop in the bucket compared to the rest of the wasted tax dollars this badministration is burning though while they run this great country into the ground, but we happened to be led to this article in the Washington Whore Post (subscription required*) by the good folks over at Blah Blah Blah**, and we got to thinking:
- in the article, they explain that, before the Usurping Chimperor takes his dog-and-pony show to a particular staged location, his Repugnicant lapdogs screen the brain-dead hordes wishing to fawn all over the pResident with numerous phone interviews and loyalty affirmations. We don't know (because it wasn't specified in the article), but we have a sneaking suspicion that all of those interrogations are being done by government employees, using our tax dollars.
- the article also mentions that, for the latest handjob faith-based propagandafest Pinhead Social Security disinformation session, it took five rehearsals to get all of the shills to parrot the proper catch phrases. Forget about all of the time and expense the Repugnicant ditto monkeys lost while having to go through the same lies five times before they got the real crap from the real monkey. What about the expen$e of the government operatives who have to monitor and lead the cheerleading during the six takes of this traveling snow job?
Oh well - we hope that all those conservative bastiches that are being used by Smirky McWarHardon and the Junta enjoy the taste of that kimchee sandwich they're being fed.
* - we wouldn't want you to have to register for a login id and password if you don't want to, so we might just be able to help you out if you're reasonably intelligent (coughcoughuseridtomg@funnyfarmonline.orgpasswordfunnyfarmcoughcough).
** - aka Blah3.
We saw a bumper sticker on the vehicle in front of us the other day:
In case of rapture, this vehicle will be unmanned |
Just a few problems with this:
1. By assuming you're one of the chosen ones, aren't you demonstrating your pride in your supposedly superior morality? Isn't pride one of the seven deadly sins*? Which, presumably would get you off the list of those brought to heaven when the final trump sounds...
2. If you drive like a frelling idiot (in this case, cutting other vehicles off when the roads are freshly snowed on and quite slippery), and you have this on the back of your car, aren't you asking to be judged more severely than the rest of us Koreshless heathens? Wouldn't the higher standards you feel you qualify for get you kicked off the list for bad behavior?
3. If you presume to be able to ascertain the mind of the Invisible Cloud Being, aren't you being just a tad arrogant in your thinking? We know it might not quite measure up to pride as a sin, but we seem to recall that telling Jeebus how to think was one of those things you tried to avoid. Wouldn't that get you kicked off the list too?
* - we seem to remember that it was when we were a practicing Catholic. And we're pretty sure that they haven't changed that rule...
Remember all the brouhaha about Powerline blogger A$$Reamer's Hindrocket's rude response to someone who dared to question him? We sure do. We also remember how he made a non-apology for his behavior - something along the lines of they were being rude to me, so it's okay to be rude to them. Besides, they're just liberals - they don't deserve civility by their very nature. Never mind that the comments to this Republic icehole were not all that rude, certainly not as profane as the responses he gave back. And never mind that they made valid arguments which were not even considered - there was just some profanity and some condescending dismissal from Time's blogger of the year.
Well, one of our own regular readers (no, no - the other one) also left a comment over at the only best blog that somebody should never have heard of, regarding the WhiteWash House's allowing a fawning sychophant with no journalistic credentials to get into their press briefings every day for over two years:
Here's why it matters that the Bush administration allowed a gay male prostitute with no journalistic experience into the White House on a daily basis, and even allowed him to ask the President a question at one of Bush's precious little press conference debacles:
Right now, in Egypt, in Pakistan, in Thailand and numerous other secret locations, there's a guy who's done nothing wrong other than be in the wrong place at the wrong time who's hanging on a wall, his wrists bleeding from the metal bracelets, his fingernails torn out from trying to hold himself up to give his torn arm muscles some rest. He's been stripped naked, cold water has been thrown on him, and electric prods have been shoved in his testicles. He's been threatened with being raped by German shepherds and he's had bottles and broomsticks and metal rods shoved into his anus. He's been told his family is dead and that he is alone in the world, with no-one able to help him. The beatings are like soft cushions compared to everything else. Eventually, after months or years of torture, he's going to confess to anything, to every g@ddamn sin they want him to confess to, because the United States sent him there so that he could be stripped, shocked, and sodomized in some decrepit building, some prison or "interrogation room" where no one will ever give a good g@ddam about such "quaint" concepts like "habeas corpus" and "rights." The reason Gannon/Guckert matters is because the Bush administration has mainstreamed evil, has made it a dull hum in the background, and has opened the White house to a "journalist" with no qualifications, with a sordid part-time occupation, to feed questions to the president and his spokesman that are so inane, so biased and so whorish that any real journalist within an area of twenty feet would vomit. In the meantime, real issues, issues of life and death, issues that are the difference between an honorable America and G.W. Bush's kingdom of war mongering whores are ignored and swept under the carpet. Between them, they've turned the White House into a whorehouse, and your incomprehensible defense of Guckert and the sleazy administration who utilized him is almost as despicable as the pathetic, moral less morons you're defending. - Edited and paraphrased from The Rude Pundit Wal Cooper Australia. |
What kind of response do you suppose he got for cleaning up the Rude Pundit's language, along with keeping a Monty Python reference, in his comment to Powerline?
Wal, you are so fcuking stupid you don't even qualify as spam. Never try to communicate with us again. You are too dumb to participate in a rational conversation. You are a stupid fcuking lefty; that's your problem, not ours. Get lost.
John H. |
Now, we're not sure about you, but we don't really see all that much stupidity in the comment Wal left over at Powerline. And we don't see any sort of an attempt to do anything but demean someone whose viewpoint is not in agreement with the standard line of conservative dren that is constantly regurgitated over on that side of the blogsphere. Apparently rational conversation is only possible if you spout Republic talking points in some people's opinion. Would you want to have this sort of representation in a court of law? Because this ignorant spewage is coming from someone who is supposedly one of the finest lawyers in Minnesota. Pardon us if we beg to differ on that last opinion - we consider it to be somewhat faith-based.
Anyways,...we just thought you might be interested in knowing, if you weren't already aware, that A$$Reamer Hindrocket is not only a small-minded Republic shill with no socially redeeming qualities whatsoever, he also is a hypocrite and a liar when he professes to be relatievly good-natured and not at all rude to those who comment at his site with a contrary position*.
* - yes, but that's not just saying no, it isn't.
Yes, it is!.
No, it isn't!
Yes it is!
Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
No it isn't.
It is.
Not at all.
Now look.
(Rings bell)
Good Morning.
What?
That's it. Good morning.
I was just getting interested.
- from the Argument Sketch by Monty Python, a different sketch than the one referenced in the Rude Pundit's post (here's the original in all its' glory [warning: lots of profanity])
...who just happened to be a Canadian finalist in a Lego contest once upon a time. Dude, there's some nutjob with waaaaay too much time on his hands somebody else who's almost as obsessed with Legos as you are someone who's building PC cases out of Legos now! Since you gots almost enough Legos to build a frelling house by now, maybe you can build yerself a custom Lego case for your next computer! Think of the tourist trade! Think of the geek babes who will be drawn to your creations like moths to a flame!* Think of the riches that await you when you enter a working computer encased in Legos at the next competition! Besides, once you perfect your design, then you can build a case for your only favorite uncle who has a blog!
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Special note: this is the first set of pictures we've hosted here that are smaller than the originals. So go to the linked page to see them (and lots more pics) in all their glory...
* - you might not consider this to be much of a bonus right now, young man, but trust your uncle Tom - you will...
We've heard about a couple of things that the AMA probably wouldn't approve of, and we'd like to tell you about one of them which has proved to be a boon to us, and ask you about a couple of others.
The Neti Pot has worked wonders for our nasal passages*. We don't want to get into the icky specifics here, but rather would like to invite you to check it out for yourself. We've been sneezing quite a bit, and having considerable sinus distress, since around Christmas time. And are very happy to say that our olfactory explosions have been much less frequent since we started using our Neti Pot. Thanks to the Vidiot for telling us about her experiences in this area and encouraging us to try it out. Based on our experiences**, we'd like to pass the following tips along to anyone brave enough to venture into this therapy:
1. Follow the instructions. Read them before you try this at home. Unexpected results may occur if you think you know what you're doing, but in fact you're doing it the wrong way. Not life-threatening results - but a certain amount of discomfort may be headed your way if you don't RTFM.
2. Don't add too much salt to the lukewarm water. But, make sure you add some salt to the mix. Too much or none at all can also cause some discomfort.
3. Don't look at all the icky stuff coming out of your melon. Especially if you have volatile stomach contents and a habit of bringing them back up when confronted with gross visual stimulation.
4. In this case, having sleep apnea (scroll down to Video Clip of Humor) is a relatively good thing - we find that our nasal passages are aired out by our CPAP machine while we sleep. Especially since we've gotten used to using the CPAP without any hydration (in other words, we pump dry air into our nostrils every night).
We also read about another possible aid to health and well-being (provided it is used for good, and not for evil. Come to think of it, we're kinda surprised that this report didn't come out of Gitmo...). The Ear Candle sounds like a fun experience for pyromaniacs like Your Humble Narrator. As long as we gets to light it, that is. We really can't say much more, other than the theory seems sound, and it seems to have been considered effective for hundreds of years (according to the news item we read).
And, long, long ago in our life's journey, we had a doctor who would use hot water to clean out the wax buildup in our ears (let's refer to it as the Ear Wash in this post). It sounds like pretty much the same theory, but somewhat safer - there's no need to worry about setting yourself or your surroundings on fire. And it worked out very well for us.
If there is anyone within eyeshot of this post who has had some experience with any of the alternative medical therapies we have talked about here today, please drop us a note and let us know the good and the bad times you've had with the Neti Pot, the Ear Candle, and/or the Ear Wash. It's nice to share!
* - and if you saw the size of said nasal passages, you'd realize how huge this endorsement is.
** - they don't call it trial and error around the Funny Farm for nothing...
The latest corpo-weasel welfare giveaway just pisses us off no end. Especially when we read about others who are going to be ineligible for bankruptcy under the new rules when they are clearly deserving of consideration for their financial difficulties, and have also been clearly screwed over by the system.
You might well ask why this is such a hot button issue here at the Funny Farm. Once again, it's because we have a peripherally personal stake in the matter. The previous cohabitant went through bankruptcy just a little over a year ago, primarily due to the poor financial habits she and her previous husband employed - by an amazing coincidence (cough) remarkably similar to the poor financial habits she and her current husband employed (at least, as long as we were there to pick up the slack). It was somewhat unbelievable to us, at the time, how put out she was that the judge treated her as if she had done something wrong by running up exorbitant bills with no ability or intention to pay them. And then (this is where it gets a bit personal) she conned us into signing for a car that, in the end, she once again showed no intention of paying for. Which she felt she needed because she wasn't happy with the old (perfectly functioning, but somewhat old and quite unhip) Ford Taurus that she paid too much for (because her credit was abominably poor, she had to settle for too little vehicle for too much money at too high an interest rate from a third-rate car dealership). And then got into an accident with that car we got for her to drive, promised us that she would pay for the damages, and then proceeded to write us (and her obligations) off. Presumably (we can't say, because they both seem to have forgotten that other promise to make an effort to keep in touch) due to Mr. A$$hole convincing her that it's okay. After all, why not go back on your word? It's not like they'll have to worry about dealing with us any more. Can anyone say spoiled brats?
Deadbeats like those two cause us to become even more incensed with the current situation. It's almost as though the system today rewards you for being an a$$hole to your fellow man uncivilized behavior, and punishes those of us who still manage to have a conscience (and the moral fiber not to spend money we don't have any intention of paying back) in these trying times.
And, yes, we're just about as numb as you are due to the constant dren being churned out of the WhiteWash House these days. But this one strikes us a little too close to home:
U.S. court blocks Canadian cattle. Apparently the United States which has had more cases of mad cow disease than Canada since all the fuss started (both on a numerical basis and on a per cow basis) is worried that imported Canadian beef will cause beef producers immediate and irreparable damage. The article then goes on to deride Canadian standards for examining beef, even though USDA beef standards are lower than Canadian ones (warning:pdf link), and an American company that wanted to inspect all of its' beef was not allowed to.
We have a personal stake in all of this, because our family has raised beef cattle for quite some time*. Under the current restrictions in place, we are not allowed to bring back beef which is almost certainly free of mad cow, and is quite frankly close to being the best beef we have ever had**. So we are a little pissed that the United States is engaging in protective legislation under the guise of protecting the American consumer. Especially when we know from first hand experience that Canadian beef is safer than American beef, and the meat we can get our hands on in the Great White North is of better quality.
We're not really sure if all of this fooforaw is helping the beef industry these days anyhow. It has most definitely caused the beef consumption in our household to drastically decline (to almost nothing). And we're reasonably certain that we're not the only ones to have declined this consumer choice of late.
* - for at least forty years that we can vouch for, and probably much longer than that. We remember cows as far back as we can remember*** and we're reasonably certain the beef was there before we were.
** - we had some Argentinean beef once upon a time, and that stuff is very good. We would have to say that it compares favorably to some of the better cuts we used to get from the family, and it would be really hard to pin us down on which is better. Especially if we want to get any more invites to family dinners...
*** - our earliest memory is of our third birthday - November 22, 1963. We remember that it seemed like there was a parade in our honor on TV (they were replaying a rather famous motorcade coming to a rather abrupt stop over and over again) and the adults seemed more excited than usual. Maybe it was that other rather newsworthy event happening that day that got them all worked up.
Found through the good graces of The People's Republic of Seabrook:
Funny, we don't recall wearing that sort of smile when we aced all of those math tests* way back when...
[Funny Farm Staff Update: We've fixed the link that takes you to this quiz, so you won't be frustrated like we were - just without the wherewithal and patience to find the correct link, figure out where it goes in the html code, and put it all together (along with a larger picture so the visually impaired who visit here but forget to put their frelling glasses on before doing so can read the text inserted next to the pic) for your viewing audience. Robert and Tim might be doing well as cartoonists, but we wouldn't recommend they quit their day jobs for a gig in computer programming...]
* - actually - we taught the people (in our own class) who aced the math test, and then we got a little miffed when she got 100%, but we reversed a sign on one stupid equation and so only got a 99. Damn you, George Steinbrenner!
Because we've been unable to show you these beauties until now, we are able to present this trifecta of cartoonish amusement:
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Something for your amusement - with an added twist:
Found via Rook's Rant via PSotD
bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...
Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C
Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.
And now, in Canadian:
bold the provinces/territories you've been to, underline the provinces/territories you've lived in and italicize the province/territory you live in now...
Alberta / British Comlumbia / Manitoba / Newfoundland and Labrador / New Brunswick / Northwest Territories / Nova Scotia / Nunavit / Ontario / Prince Edward Island / Quebec / Saskatchewan / Yukon Territory
No, really - this is a public service announcement!
In the last two years, nearly one million U.S. service-members have served in Iraq and Afghanistan. Regardless of how you may feel about the war, most of us agree that those service-members deserve the best possible care and treatment our country can provide.
Unfortunately, in some cases, things haven't worked out so well. Some of our service-members have fallen through the cracks, with reports of homelessness, trauma and suicide. According to the NEJM (the New England Journal of Medicine), as many as 15% of returning service-members from Iraq will suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Thousands have been wounded, and those who were killed left families behind. Veterans for Common Sense has made available on the internet, and soon in print, a guide for returning veterans to help them navigate the available benefits and assistance available. Our goal is to make it as comprehensive as possible, to let returning veterans know of where they can get assistance if there are any issues with readjustment on their return home. The guide also contains a section for people who are looking for ways to support the troops, with links to organizations who are directly supporting the troops in the field. We're trying to let as many people as possible know about the guide, and so we're sending you this note in the hope that, if you are a veteran, you will find it useful, and if not, that you will pass it on. The guide is available here: http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/files/vcs/guide.cfm Or on our home page at http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org We hope you'll visit, and pass this on to friends, family, and others in your community. Thank you, Veterans for Common Sense P.S. Unless you actually subscribe to one of our mailing lists, you should never receive another email from us again. You can contact us directly at contact@veteransforcommonsense.org or at 202-558-4553. P.P.S. If you know of resources which should be in the guide, and aren't, please feel free to suggest them by clicking on the "add resource" link. Veterans for Common Sense |
Found through the eagle eyes of the Suburban Guerrilla, we see that another of the fabled dKos team is highlighting an open letter from former Canadian Foreign Minister Lloyd Axworthy to Kinda Sleazy Rice. It's well worth your time to go check it out.
On the public record, by a currently electorated Congresscritter, no less.
Elected Republic Congressman wants to kill liberals* Rep. Jim Gibbons, (R-My Way Or The Highway), accused liberals, movie stars and song makers of "trying to divide this country."
"I say we tell those liberal, tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippie, tie-dyed liberals to go make their movies and their music and whine somewhere else," he told the crowd, according to the Elko Daily Free Press.
He then said it was "too damn bad we didn't buy them a ticket" to become human shields in Iraq.
His comments came a week after he apologized for calling those who oppose corporate donations for President Bush's inaugural parties "communists." Why does this remind us of the non-apology from A$$Reamer over at Lack of Class, Power, and Ethics Powerline when he got caught showing us all how the typical Republic responds when criticized about anything?
* - the actual headline for this article is Democrats blast Gibbons' comments about liberals, as opposed to something like Republic makes radical comments about using liberals as human shields in Iraq. Imagine our surprise!
Found via Daily Kos, we see that somebody has been engaging in a practical demonstration of just how easy it is to get one of those fabled Day Passes in to the White House daily press gaggle. Apparently, they have noticed that it's not quite so easy if you're not a Republic parrot who spews partisan conservative dreck as a way of life. You can read all about it here.
Also in the non-surprise category here at the Funny Farm is this gem: No general public tickets for Bush visit. Irony Overload Alert: Tickets for the president's stop to promote his Social Security reform proposal are being distributed to local groups on a nonpartisan (cough) basis through the office of Rep. Chris Chocola (R-Putsch Bootlicker), a White House spokesweasel said.
Apparently the mainstream media is finally letting the sheeple know what we in the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan have known for quite some time now - Republics are preying on the old and the uninformed. Here's a link to a story in the Detroit Free Press the we noticed this morning: GOP group targeting retirees. It seems that the College Republic National Committee are a little miffed because they got a direct mailer, Response Dynamics Inc. of Vienna, Virginia, to send high pressure fundraising letters to elderly card-carrying Republics - but of the nine million dollars Response Dynamics bilked out of these people, only $825,000 or so actually made it the College Republic coffers. Can anyone say graft? Or should we be saying It's OK if you're a Republic?
We have been engaged in a discussion about the JD Guckert affair with one of the members of the right blogsphere. And we'd like to take this opportunity to show you what happens when you try to engage them in open and honest debate - if you don't already know.
To sum up the two positions from which we enter the discussion: we were directed through humorous means (the main way we get to anything these days; it has gotten so sad out there that we have to laugh, otherwise we'll go postal on something) to a post titled Gay-Baiting Continues On the Left in which someone on the right puts forth the thesis that the left is engaging in gay bashing by discussing the fact that a gay hooker was allowed access to White House press briefings on a daily basis for years. Within the post, he states:
How truly pathetic that this is even considered worthy of comment by so many liberals. Apparently, the sexuality of any person with conservative leanings is still "fair game".
and
I have one minor point of disagreement with Andrew and that is, while the left might think they can get away with this sort of smear, they end up driving more and more centrists to vote GOP. Many liberals are becoming the very thing they once claimed to despise.
among other things. But, as far as we can tell, the main thrust of his argument is that those vile liberals are focusing on a minor faux pas in White House security and blowing it all out of proportion. Plus, they're picking on a conservative while they're doing it - a conservative who just happens to be a gay hooker on the side. Those bastiches!
We have declined to comment on the JD Guckert affair within these pages, other than to humorously infer that an old character from a sketch on Saturday Night Live has found new career options with the current administration. Mainly because there are lots of others (besides the pair of eloquent responses linked to here) who make the point much better, and in a much more entertaining way, than we could ever hope to do. And we are in agreement with most of the basic opinions of left blogtopia (y!sctw!) about the JD Guckert affair. Those basic opinions (the axioms from which we base our argument on in this case) are detailed below:
First and foremost, it is amazing to us that a blogger with no journalistic credentials to speak of was given a day pass in to White House press briefings every day for over two years. Said day passes were handed over to Guckert for over a month before he started blogging, and well before he could even be considered to be the shadow of a journalist that he now claims to be. This is a serious abuse of the day pass system, and supposedly a way around serious investigation into the day pass recipient. We don't buy that at all – we're reasonably confident that any sort of pass into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. would require some fairly thorough scrutiny of one's background. So issue number one is how the press pass system was gamed so effectively by Guckert for more than two years. Issue number 1A is how someone who is in effect a nobody in the world of journalism got to do it. Issue number 1B is the laxity of investigative standards by those responsible in this case. And issue number 1C is why this lapse in security was allowed for this lightweight, when responsible journalists were subjected to much closer scrutiny.
Secondly, this individual was allowed to ask very administration-friendly questions during White House press briefings – especially when other questions which had been asked were not ones that the White House wanted to give the answers to. This sort of thing has been perfected to a high art under the Chimperor's reign. To some, it appears that Guckert's only function in those press briefings was to be available to bail out the administration when it found itself backed into a corner. This type of behavior is not helpful in trying to deflect spin emanating from the White House – it actually enhances it. So issue number two is how someone can ask "softball" questions, and nothing but "softball" questions, and be able to keep coming back day after day.
Thirdly, the individual in question operated under an assumed name. Said assumed name was linked to various illicit activities and several questionable web sites which were noted by the left blogsphere with very little effort (after receiving a nasty taunting from Guckert). This would lead some to guesstimate that it was just as easy, if not easier, for government agencies, with their vastly superior resources, to discover the same information. So issue number three is how the White House can either ignore the fact that someone is getting daily passes into the White House while engaging in illegal activities; or, how the White House was unable to determine that this individual was engaging in those illegal activities.
Fourthly, if an obscure individual from the left side of the blogsphere (such as, well, ourselves, let's say) with next to no journalistic experience* got a day pass into the White House press briefings every day for over two years during a Democratic presidency, lobbed softballs to the Democratic press secretary whenever the questioning ventured into perilous territory, and operated a whorehouse on the side**, we would expect that there would be some Democrats as well as some Republics who would be asking some questions about how we got to where we were, and why we weren't being prosecuted for our illicit activities. In this situation, we see no Republics asking any questions – rather, we see them trying to trivialize the discussion, or derail it by bringing accusations of Democrats focusing on the sexuality of the individual in question into the debate so as to paint it as some sort of hypocritical witch hunt against homosexuals. So issue number four is why Republics are not asking to investigate the illegal activities engaged in by Guckert, and why they are projecting their hypocrisy about gays onto their opponents.
So our arguments with regards to JD Guckert's Excellent White House Press Adventure are that, yes, this would be no big deal if it had happened once, but since it happened every day for over two years it's a little more of a dilemma in our eyes. One might almost say it was a deliberate misuse of the White House day pass system by conservatives if one thought that conservatives have been systematically abusing the system ever since they stole the last two presidential elections. It shows that either security is very lax within the White House or security deliberately looked the other way, and did not refuse this clown entry based on their investigations (possibly because they were forced to by a higher authority). It shows that idealogical concerns override security concerns in this badministration. And it shows that, for anything you might say or do, whether it is legal or not, (let's all say it together now), it's okay if you're a Republic. Also, for the record, we would say the same if it were a Democratic shill who gamed the system this way and got away with it. Or if it was a Libertarian, or a Green, or even a Golden Winger with a Debra Winger Cluster and a Neneh Cherry on Top on a Field of Wingnuts, was doing it. The fact that Putsch apologists are so eager to sweep it under the carpet is symptomatic of a general do as we say, not as we do and we can say and do anything we want, but if you try it, we're going to ream you in any and every way we can mentality which we see as being one of the core beliefs of conservatives today.
And our arguments have been twisted, downplayed, ignored, and belittled when we made them to the afore-mentioned conservative. We are very pleased to say that they were civilly and politely twisted, downplayed, ignored, and belittled - because we usually can't say that when we argue about anything with conservatives these days, and it is refreshing to find a conservative who doesn't descend into name-calling and profanity after the first five minutes. But we have been disappointed in the inability to make any headway in the debate, and we suppose that we're going to have to agree to disagree about this.
There are other issues to be discussed here, including the hypocrisy of Republics outing gays who do not share their political point of view while pillorying those who mention that one of their fellow conservatives just happens to be a gay hooker with connections to the White House, the wellspring of information that seems to get to Guckert before it gets to real journalists, and if Guckert is but the tip of the proverbial iceberg, so to speak. But in our opinion, they are secondary issues to the four points enumerated above. And fodder for other, different discussions. But we've gone on far too long in this post already, and we're not going to go into detail about those particular elements today***.
We welcome any rational discussion**** on these issues from anyone within eyeshot of this post.
* - we have had some letters published, we used to write for our university paper about some of the kewl bands we got to see when we were young and foolish, as well as writing some song parodies to amuse and infotain our friends. Thus we would consider our experience to be roughly analogous to Guckert's. Actually we'd consider it to be a bit more than Guckert's, because we actually wrote our own material as opposed to cutting and pasting from Republic policy papers propaganda sheets press releases.
** - only in our fevered dreams have we ever some close to being involved in that sort of endeavor – and then we were strikingly similar in nature to Henry Winkler's character in Night Shift.
*** - and the crowd (cough) screams with enjoyment yet again!
**** - in other words, You suck, you pathetic liberal loser!, or variations thereof, are not going to get any debatable response from Your Humble Narrator. Possibly some ridicule, and maybe a few nasty taunts - depending on our mood at the time.
