The Funny Farm
Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats...
Adventures of a Basic Force For Good in Our TimeTM
Here's a taste of some of the stuff we have managed to check out during the last little while:
What Avedon Carol pointed out.
Besides feeling that our anti-Pinhead stance would get us shot (we personally know an a$$hole who would probably shoot you if he saw you wearing a hat during the national anthem) because some Publican bastich would feel threatened by it, we now find out (courtesy of our good friends over at Blah3): Florida agency gets teen's abortion blocked. Apparently frightened 13-year olds who get pregnant aren't capable of determining whether they are mentally, emotionally, and physically able to bear a child - even when they say that they don't want to bring it to term.
Just wondering: has anyone asked this child who got her pregnant? Has anyone looked into prosecuting that person for getting her pregnant? We're reasonably sure that sex with 13-year olds is considered stauatory rape - especially in a theofascist state like Floriduh. Why don't we hear about that part of the story?
A magically delicious Real Time with Bill Maher last night included Chuck Schumer valiantly holding on to the only pair of Democratic balls while talking to Bill; some valiant shilling from the lone Republic on the panel; JD Guckert valiantly lying his a$$ off on TV HBO; and a valiant exhortation to get angry about the anger management issues that Republics are allowed to engage in. Those of our friends who are unable to catch it on their local infotainment feed (and you know who you are) will be happy to see this episode when the tape finally manages to make it into their domicile.
An article in Business Week details some of the mind-boggling extra perks mega-executroids get in addition to at least 20 times a regular person's salary. Among the more outrageous examples:
- Viacom co-presidents receive, in addition to multi-million dollar compensation packages, were reimbursed for staying at their own homes.
- Disney soon-to-be-former Chief Executroid Michael Eisner gets, in addition to a multi-million dollar compensation package, reimbursed $10,000 a month for maintaining his own apartment in New York City.
- Time Warner Chief Executroid Richard Parsons gets, in addition to a multi-million dollar compensation package, reimbursed $4,000 a month for a housing allowance (plus $365 a month for utilities).
And once again we have to wonder why there aren't posses thousands strong, composed of ex-employees shafted due to the corpo-weasels, following each one of these farging iceholes everywhere they go, and reporting on their activities. Why aren't their addresses and phone numbers broadcast on public airwaves the way people daring to criticize the Texas Souffle are? Why isn't the erosion of respect and trust for corporations ever tied to the wanton excesses of upper management in those corporations? Why aren't these jackals stripped of their retirement packages when they rape their employees' future?
And why oh why does anyone ever look up to these rapacious whores?
A wrongwingnut judge expressing religious views from behind the bench? Funny how that whole judicial activism thing is okay as long as it's the correct (in some minds) form of activism:
Faith 'War' Rages in U.S., Judge Says. Apparently Justice Janice Rogers Brown (who would have been blue-slipped under previous Publican rules. Conveniently, those rules have now been scrapped because they might allow Democrats to block judicial nominations the way Publicans used to when they weren't making the nominations themselves) was a little miffed that she couldn't speak on her God's behalf at the Just Us Justice Sunday rally for faith-based government. So she found another bunch of theofascists to address:
California Supreme Court Justice Janice Rogers Brown told an audience Sunday that people of faith were embroiled in a "war" against secular humanists who threatened to divorce America from its religious roots
[snip] "There seems to have been no time since the Civil War that this country was so bitterly divided. It's not a shooting war, but it is a war," she said, according to a report published Monday in the Stamford Advocate. "These are perilous times for people of faith," she said, "not in the sense that we are going to lose our lives, but in the sense that it will cost you something if you are a person of faith who stands up for what you believe in and say those things out loud." [snip] "When we move away from that, we change our whole conception of the most significant idea that America has to offer, which is this idea of human freedom and this notion of liberty," she said. She added that atheism "handed human destiny over to the great god, autonomy, and this is quite a different idea of freedom…. Freedom then becomes willfulness." Brown's remarks drew praise Monday from one of the nation's most prominent evangelical leaders, Gary Bauer [snip] Brown's comments came at a breakfast following the Red Mass, an annual spring gathering of lawyers, judges and other legal professionals sponsored by the Roman Catholic Diocese of Bridgeport, Conn. In previous years, speakers at the diocese's breakfast have included former appellate Judge Robert Bork, whose nomination to the Supreme Court was defeated by the Senate in 1987, and Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Two religious leaders who heard Brown speak Sunday had only praise. The Rev. Michael R. Moynihan, pastor of a church in Greenwich, Conn., and an organizer of the Red Mass, said he was impressed with Brown. "She caused all of us to reflect more profoundly on the intersection between law and morality, and on the role of religion in shaping those virtues and values, which are crucial to our democratic way of life," said Bishop William E. Lori, the head of the Bridgeport diocese, who invited Brown to address the group. |
First of all, why are these people still enabled to tax-free status when they are clearly proselytizing for the Publican party?
Secondly: the rest of us better get a copy of that faith-based constitution one of these days. You know, the one where it says that America is based on religious beliefs, and that this country is a Judeo-Christian nation? The one where it's okay to say that God's law (which is what exactly again? And which God's laws are we talking about here?) is the basis for United States law? The one where judges let their religious prejudices determine whether someone is guilty or innocent? We can't seem to find any of that dren in the copy of the Constitution we got to read.
These are perilous times for people of faith. They are being seduced by blasphemous pseudo-religious snakeoil salespeople promoting vengeance and retribution for those who do not agree with them. Not to mention any newly nominated theofascist circuit court judges, or anything like that...
[Warning! Some people might find the language used in the post linked to below, or even the web address itself, offensive. Parental discretion is advised.]
We received an email the other day - purportedly from a new kid on the block.* Bachem Macuno starts his blogging career off with a bang. The end in this story will surprise you. Plus, the ends don't really justify the means. And talk about pulling stuff out of your a$$! Anyways,... once we get to the bottom of this, we'll try not to end up looking like we're a$$-over-teakettle. You may all be aware that we could blow smoke out of our a$$ all day about this sort of thing and end up right back where we started from. But we have to think that (wait for it...) the end is near for the blog we've linked to. After all, once you're behind this far it's hard to end up anywhere but the last hole. And that's the end of the story. And our sorry-a$$ run of bad puns, too.
In memory of Callahan's and their hallowed tradition of Punday.
* - sorry, Bachem, if we do not seem to be a completely trusting soul these days. Since all we got was a link in the email you sent us (underneath the one line teaser in the email), and we don't recognize the email addy, and it was a multiple sending (we notice MahaBarb and an eerily familiar Yuppie Skum on the cc: list), we would really like to get some more feedback on who you is, bro. For all we know, you could be another alias of JD Guckert. And we do apologize to any readers who might have suddenly lost their appetite when completing that mental picture.
Look at what popped up in our emailbox yesterday:
Nuclear Option: What Happens?
As a matter of comity, the Minority in the Senate traditionally defer to the Majority in the setting of the agenda. If Bill Frist pulls the nuclear trigger, Democrats will show deference no longer. Invoking a little-known Senate procedure called Rule XIV, last week Democrats put nine bills on the Senate calendar that seek to help America fulfill its promise. If Republican's break the rules Democrats will use the rule to bring to the Senate floor an agenda that meets the needs of average Americans, such as lowering gas prices, reducing the cost of health care and helping veterans. 1. Women¹s Health Care (S. 844). 'The Prevention First Act of 2005' will reduce the number of unintended pregnancies and abortions by increasing funding for family planning and ending health insurance discrimination against women. 7. Energy Markets (S. 870). Democrats work to prevent Enron-style market manipulation of electricity. |
We can get behind most of this agenda after our initial scan of what's there. Of course, attachments galore have been the order of the realm for quite some time now so these initial bills could be considerably altered by the time they get to be voted on. Still, we would have to say that the Dems have certainly put some cards on the table here. Let's see what the big bad all-controlling Publicans do to counter this, shall we?
Bartcop provides the smackdown on some Clinton Haters At Work by pointing out the axiomatic fallacy of the wrongwingnut argument made:
Clinton Hater At Work : Let's get our facts straight people...
Willam Jefferson Clinton did send troops to die in Somalia, and here's why... When George HW Bush sent troops to Somalia in 1992, BartCop: As far as I'm concerned, this argument is over. Bush the We're about to argue what happened next, but (A) Why didn't Bush send troops there before losing? (B) No troops would've died if Bush hadn't sent them to Somalia in the first place and fewer troops would've died if Bush had sent them with the armor they needed. [snip] |
As far as we're concerned, the argument is over as well. All of the rest of the rationalizations and misdirectional points that the other side uses in the debate are moot and a waste of time trying to deal with. They are somewhat instructional in that they project the problems that the Republics themselves are having, and having to deal with. And, of course, the clincher:
BartCop: Bottom line - they forgive Reagan, Bush and Bush for getting 2405 soldiers killed
so they can scream about the 18 who died after Bush initiated his Somalia campaign.
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Go read the whole thing (if you haven't already) while we plow through the snow to the office this morning.
Atrios makes the obvious point about the Senate nuclear option and what it means while ripping apart an article by David Broder in the Washington Post**. Since there are so many obvious flaws in Broder's reasoning it is difficult to list all of the nuances of Republic newspeak in the article.
What we would like to point out is that, in our humble opinion, the Republics have been deliberately comparing their meltdown in the mid nineties with what is proposed to go on in the Senate by the Democratic leaders in order to scare the people. The mystical gang of five hundred not only get it, but they are actively helping to propagate the lie. Broder's jingoistic screed* is more of the same, right on down the line. Because no one cares so much about Senate grandstanding (as long as the paycheck keeps coming in), these media whores deliberately try and confuse the issue - by comparing shutting down the Senate with shutting down the government. Broder also uses this article to continue to propagate Republic talking points:
- it's the Democratic Party that is at fault for shutting the government down - Republics pulling temper tantrums to hide House Representative corruption, or to thrust a partisan agenda through the mechanism of the government, or to justify rewriting the rules to suit their own partisan purposes, has nothing to do with this situation!
- it's the Democratic Party that needs to bend towards the right in order to compromise. The administration and its' partisan agenda does not need to be accommodating to the minority; the minority need to get with the program and capitulate to the Republics' point of view.
- it's the Democratic Party that needs to even think about compromise in the first place. Compromise is not in the first section of the Republic manual, and with the mandate they firmly believe they have, the Republics are trying to suppress anyone who dares suggest they might not have all of the answers.
Broder serves up more Republic white noise to try and scare the sheeple into pressuring the pink tutus, and reframe the debate to the Republics' advantage.
As for Josh Marshall's analysis of Broder's compromise: Broder is only advancing the Republic party line on these things - in this case, moving the goalposts to the right. Nowhere in Broder's suggested compromise is the hint of removal of these radical judicial nominations from consideration. The Putsch badministration already has the highest percentage of judicial nominees being approved. Why can't they just let it go and forget about putting every single nominee in place? Why must we be subjected to the same schoolyard shenanigans over and over again?
And why oh why are we having such an eerie feeling of deja vu about the whole thing?
* - Washington Post subscription required (register - it's free!)
** - Editor's note 20050425 235500 EDT: we couldn't figure out why this sentence sounded a little odd, and then we realized it was because we missed a piece of the sentence when we first cut and pasted the post into our MT interface. We hope the italicized text adds to your comprehension of the post, and we are sorry that our error escaped our attention until now.
What's been going on with pRezNit Do As I Say, Not As I Do and his cohorts of late? None of your business, that's what! Thanks to The King Of Zembla for an excellent series of updates as well as an update on The Vast Evangelical Conspiracy, and possibly a method of suspended animation. Hopefully the smell of rotten eggs is not what haunts your cold sleep and imbeds itself in your psyche from then on after you're revived...
Let's all stop for a moment and consider all of the background work involved to bring so much information to the public's attention in the last twenty four hours. We haven't even thought about catching up on the Friday afternoon misdirection coming from the WhiteWash House yet because this is easily more than our tired (and seemingly sickly yet again) melon can handle. Lots more to see out there in the big world wide web, but for us it's time to grab some more chicken soup from the larder and watch what will hopefully will be the last snowfall for the season here in Michigan. Random guerrilla blogging may take place from random locations in the North American midwest this weekend. Go on out and enjoy yourselfs, but remember - let's be careful out there!
| You Are Incredibly Logical |
(You got 100% of the questions right)
You think rationally, clearly, and quickly. A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer! |
We finally have written proof that we were able to come up with something so funny that someone spewed coffee on their monitor when they read it.
We will be sleeping soundly tonight, secure in the knowledge that our sense of humor actually overlaps with that of others in the real world. And we're going to have a bit of Preemptive Karma in our links zone from now on...
Why be heretical when you can be holy? Be the first in your neighborhood to join the fastest growing organization for the next generation: The Papal Youth! Learn all the latest tools of the lord: righteous anger, stoning, hypocritical judgment of others - these and many, many more. Become instantly favored by God - that's right, instantly favored by God. Don't question the lord, dial H-O-L-Y-G-O-D. That's H-O-L-Y-G-O-D. Now!
This entry cross-posted at Open Source Politics.
* - with all due respect to Robin Williams and the Leroy Brown Funkified Bad-A$$ School of Soul.
Monday night football is no longer going to be broadcast by ABC. You will only be able to watch this show on ESPN next season. Unless you live in the broadcast area of a team that is playing on Monday night - then you will find that one of your local stations is carrying the game (according to the linked article).
The conservative media whores are guessing that they're going to have better luck on Sunday night - which ESPN has been hosting for a number of years now. ESPN moves to Monday - and since they are a vassal of ABC anyways, they're taking MNF over and letting ABC focus on other things. And MS-GE-GOPNBC gets the 'new' plum of Sunday night. Plus, they're moving the times up - 8:15 on Sundays (from 8:30) and 8:40 on Mondays (from just after cough 9) [all times US Eastern Time Zone]. Hmmmm... so the Sunday Night games will start just after a late game that runs longer than expected (think overtime), and park the Monday Morning Quarterbacks on the couch for even longer on Football Day Sunday this year. And Monday Night Football will be farmed out to cable, where the falling audiences will still make it a big fish in a small pond.
Damn you, George Steinbrenner!*
* - We don't know why we started saying that. Maybe it was the first time the New Jersey Devils won the Stanley Cup and we found out that he was a part owner of that team. But we find it rolls off the tongue quite nicely. Try it and find out for yourself!
One of our former employers, Norwegian Cruise Lines, had a spot of trouble on their last cruise. For some strange reason, this organization seems to run into trouble more than the average cruise line. Seventy foot waves sound a little, um, excessive for our taste. We wonders if any of our former compatriots were aboard the Dawn and got the chance to experience this thrilling adventure, and we would love to hear their accounting of the incident.
At long last to the land of Nod for some, and just getting to functional status* for others, we thought you might like to see this cartoon from our fave in the Great White North:
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[geekspeak]We would also like to take this chance to ask: what resolution are you using to look at this site? We have noticed that the big pictures cause oceans of blank blue space when they display next to the links zone when people have their displays set to 640x480. We normally use and test display our site at 1024x768 and 800x600 (where it looks somewhat funky but gets the points across nonetheless), since we usually have our display set to 1024x768. We're thinking of changing our standard maximum picture width from 600 pixels to 500, and we were wondering how you felt about the whole situation.[/geekspeak]
* - definitions of functionality and status may vary. See your standards manual for details.
We have been tagged by Rook's Rant to shuck and jive to these questions five:
Question One: If you were stuck in the world of Fahrenheit 451, which book would you would you want to memorize and preserve?
It's always tough to get it down to one essential book. We are going to pick Illusions by Richard Bach. It's pretty short (and thus should be easy to retain) and seems to generate quite a bit of pondering about life, the universe, and everything in our melon as well as some others whose opinions we respect.
Question Two: Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
While we have quite a bit of admiration for a number of fictional characters, we wouldn't consider them to be at the level of "crush". Most of the Heinlein women seem quite appealing to our imagination. Ditto a lot of the X-Babes - Psylocke might not have been at the top of your list, but considering her fictional experiences, we're amazed that she was as functional as she was (before being killed off by those heartless bastiches over at Marvel). You could rest assured of some interesting experiences if you hooked up with the Bond girls. And we are firmly convinced that the Vestal Virgins from Mel Brooks' History of the World could provide ample opportunities for social, political and geometrical possibilities beyond our wildest dreams.
Question Three: What is the last book you bought?
We are very happy to say that we just bought America the Book. Hopefully we'll get to it sometime this year...
Question Four: What book(s) are you currently reading?
We are currently reading Do It Anyway:The Handbook for Finding Personal Meaning and Deep Happiness in a Crazy World by Keith M. Kent and Beer Blast: The Inside Story of the Brewing Industry's Bizarre Battles For Your Money by (no, I'm not making this up!) Philip Van Munching.
Question Five: What five books would you want to be among what was left of your belongings if you were stranded with nothing but them to read on a desert island?
We probably wouldn't be reading a heck of a lot in that sort of situation right away. Plus, there is an underlying assumption that said books would be able to be kept in a readable condition for as long as you were stranded - which would be tough to do in a presumably humid and wet environment. But, for the sake of argument, let's make those assumptions. The five crucial tomes:
The Silmarillion by the Tolkiens;
The Past Through Tomorrow by Robert A Heinlein;
The Callahan Chronicals by Spider Robinson;
The Stand by Stephen King;
and
The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide by Douglas Adams.
Please note the lack of short works as well as the lack of connection to any sort of recognizable reality in the list above. We probably should bring along some sort of encyclopedia and/or some reference manuals so that we could build almost anything (except a way to get home) like they did on Gilligan's Island.
Also please note that we couldn't avoid cheating somewhat by having most of our books be collections of stories by the author. That's the way we buys them now, and we see lots and lots who go for the compleat Shakespeare in their lists, so we figure it's okay to use them in our list. If there was a compleat Asimov, it would have been on the list. If there was a single volume that contained all six books in the Foundation series, it would have gone on the list. We also had an extremely difficult time with the Heinlein; we think that Stranger In A Strange Land, Job: A Comedy Of Justice, The Number of the Beast, and Time Enough For Love merit consideration as well, but The Past Through Tomorrow is the only Heinlein set of novels that is available behind one cover. And the Guide is absolutely essential - all five novels in the Hitch Hiker trilogy plus a bonus Zaphod story which even now could have will be removed from reality unless you donate to the Campaign For Real Time at some point in the near future (we think).
Now, who to pass this off to? We'll have to do some digging and find the ones that haven't already played this game; we've definitely seen it on some of our favorite sites in the last little while.
We've chosen to tag uggabugga, Tina's Shark Tank, and Yar's Revenge. We wish someone would explain to us how we could use this link to find out who has and who hasn't accepted this particular challenge (other than scrolling through all of the recent contestants), and welcome all attempts to enlighten us in the comments to this post that do not involve party poker, erotic miscellany of any kind, or military (or Unitarian Jihad for that matter) recruitment strategeries.
We have a few more interesting tidbits, including our own participation in the book meme, but first there are a number of places we feel you need to check out with all due haste:
Smijer of Smijer and Buck gives us the top ten reasons 'Tennessee can come up with a crop of good blogs, and up there in the great progressive yankee state of Minnesota the only regional groupings are the heinous "Northern Alliance" and "Minnesota Organization of Blogs", which consists of the same boring arch-conservative wankers, like PowerLine and Captain's Quarters and other such wingnut crap...'. Via South Knox Bubba.
Confined Spaces tells us how the Thirty Minute Promise has broken a nurse's back. Via the Suburban Guerrilla.
The Poor Man engages in a session of dueling Brandos Boltons right after the Editors and Sadly, No! get done notifying us that another recording device has been found that can withstand the stress of catching an image of Kaye Grogan.
Many people have failed to notice that we've already elected a new pope. The selection will delight and amuse you until you scream with enjoyment while listening to his first interview with the press.
And finally (for this time around), Billmon (among many* others) informs us that the Paris Hilton Tax Cut has now been officially approved by Tom DeLay and his peons in the House of Representatives.
* - Washington Post subscription required.
We hope that all the Republics who manage to catch our apology are now ready to forgive us for all of our progressive viewpoints, and will begin to believe that we have their best interests at heart during every waking moment.
Via one of the best journalists blogging today, the Suburban Guerrilla, we see that the Unitarian Jihad has released a call (not to) arms.
(: Tom :) has not been harmed, and his blog will be returned to him after we post this brief request to not give in to some small time journalists rasing their fists among the crowd, shouting. Take their names, and ask to see their writings of the shoutings.
We wholeheartedly support this noble effort, and ask each of you to click on the Unitarian Jihad link above, read their communique, and think of ways to further their agenda.
Yours in revolutionary fellowship:
Sibling Shotgun of Reasoned Discussion
(click here and get your Unitarian Jihad name.)
It has been only a few hours since the quickest appointment of a new pontiff in recent memory was announced with the traditional white smoke on the first ballot.
An unprecedented joint statement from the Cardinal Camerlengo, the Cardinal Vicar of Rome, the Major Penitentiary, the Cardinal Archpriest of St Peter's Basilica and the Vicar-General for Vatican City (the last two offices are currently held by the same man), before they retired to a closed session with the College of Cardinals, was recited to receiving microphones*:
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On the weekend, all of the members of the College received the same vision. God has instructed us to select a humble man of child like Faith who had himself been instructed to make a pilgrimage to the previous pontiff's funeral. We were able to find him watching the sun arise upon our humble enclave, and quickly established him into his new abode.
The new pontiff is Brad Whittier**, 29, from the state of California in the United States of America. He has chosen to be called Pope John Paul Peter George I, and his pontificate begins as of this moment. Never in the living memory of the College has our order been so unanimous in our conviction that this man is the right man for the Catholic Church in the New Millennium. We must retire and pray for more guidance from the Lord in these matters. We can say no more at this time. |
The Funny Farm News Burro has unearthed new information regarding the election of a new Pope. Confounding the world, the College of Cardinals has selected a wild card who is sure to be a subject of considerable contention within the established hierarchies. The transcript of an exclusive interview with the pontiff is below.
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The Ghost Of Walter Cronkite: In an unprecedented interview, Pope John Paul Peter George the First explains some of his recent decisions regarding his papacy. Pope John Paul Peter George, whose real name is Brad Whittier**, a twenty-nine year old ex-surfer from Laguna Beach, California, has shocked the world with his new and official stand on recreational sex, approval of marriage for priests, and in perhaps the most startling move of all, he has made mass optional. Your Holiness?
Pope John Paul Peter George I:: Whoa! (chuckles) The Ghost Of Walter Cronkite: Your Holiness, thank you for granting us this interview. Pope John Paul Peter George I:: Hey, no biggie. Wanna kiss my ri- oh, bitchin'. Somebody bagged my ring. God, I can't believe it! (sighs) The Ghost Of Walter Cronkite: Ah, - I'm sure your American followers are interested in what compelled the recent decisions that have shocked the world. Pope John Paul Peter George I:: Hm. Sex wax, huh? Totally gnarly. Oh yeah, okay, - so I go to the Vatican, you know? And, uh, you know, I'm like really, I'm uptight on one level, you know, but I'm stoked in the other one - on the other, because everybody is so nice, you know? And, uh, I've got this incredible room, totally bitchin', and I've got complete run of the place. So, uh, you know, it's really far out, you know - I'm really having a good time. And of course I have absolute power. The Ghost Of Walter Cronkite: Uh, yes. And your decision to - Pope John Paul Peter George I:: Oh, oh, yeah yeah yeah. Uh, so I'm so excited the first night, you know, I'm really, really excited, because it dawns on me. Hey man, I get to talk to God! Cause that's just the way it works - the Pope gets to talk to God. And so, late at night, I'm all alone in the Vatican, all of a sudden - (makes noise) - the room is filled with this incredible white light, you know? And I hear this voice, it goes: Hey, Brad! And I go, 'Whoa!' He goes, (in a singsong voice) Hey, Braaad! And that's, - you know, God calls me Brad 'cause that's, like, my real name - and so, the voice says, 'Hey man, it's cool to have sex for fun, and for priests to get married.' I go, 'Oh, boy - I can't believe this. Wait till the Ecumenical Council hears about this. They're going to totally lose it!' He goes, 'No, it's cool, Brad - 'cause then, you know, like, less people be fighting and more people are going to be making love.' The Ghost Of Walter Cronkite: Uh, yes, but this is a radical departure from thousands of years of teaching. Pope John Paul Peter George I:: Tell me about it! You know? I mean, I don't know what to do, I can't argue with God when he says, 'Hey, that's it, man, okay? I mean that's the end of fear, and that's the end of guilt, and everybody just hang out, and have a good time, and come home when you want.' That's what he said. The Ghost Of Walter Cronkite: Well, uh, that looks like the end for ecclesiastical despotism. Pope John Paul Peter George I:: Oh, totally. Ecclesiastical despots are moded. The Ghost Of Walter Cronkite: And you've also made mass optional. Can you explain this? Pope John Paul Peter George I:: Oh, for sure. Okay - it's, like, a Sunday, you know, and it's totally bitchin'. It's a nice sunny day, you know, and the waves are really far out, you know, nice surf. Hey, man! Go out on your board, you know, and commune with God. 'Cause God's, like, in the surf too, Okay? (chuckles) You know, and I get - I can get six or seven cardinals in this truck, man, you know, when you're out, we'll pound root 'till we blow chaff.*** (chuckles softly) The Ghost Of Walter Cronkite: Uh, well. Thank you, Pope John Paul Peter George the First. And that's the way it is from the first American pontiff. Pope John Paul Peter George I:: Wish I could find that ring, man. They're going to be really, you know, honked off I think at the old Vatican, you know... |
* - translated from the original Italian.
** - any resemblance to any reality-based Brad Whittiers is entirely coincidental. For all we know, Brad Whittier may very well be on the no-fly list (or the blocked commenter list over at Rook's Rant).
*** - we are unsure of the transription here, and we tried to look up pound root and blow chaff in our handy dandy surfer lexicons and found that they were nowhere to be found. But we have faith that both of these terms might very well be used by twenty-nine year old ex-surfers from Laguna Beach, California. Any assistance with this part of the transcription is greatly appreciated.
We have found a lost post that we wanted to put up a few days ago. Somehow the sentiment still seems appropriate:
Quick Question for Senator John Cormyn (R-Terrorist Supporter)
If you heard something like this:
I don't know if there is a cause-and-effect connection but we have seen some recent episodes of threatening members of congress in this country. Certainly nothing new, but we seem to have run through a spate of congressional violence recently that's been on the news and I wonder whether there may be some connection between the perception in some quarters on some occasions where congresspeople are making political decisions that are unaccountable to the public, that it builds up and builds up and builds up to the point where some people engage in - engage in violence.
coming from one of your (non-Publican) peers on the floor of the Senate, how long would it be before you started pontificating about impeaching them?
We seem to be stuck in a groove of putting exclamation points into our blog posts. Hopefully that will work itself out of our psyche shortly. In the meantime we will pass along a bit of non-news to those of us who have stuggled with excess weight:
Obese Shoppers Treated More Rudely, Study Shows. Apparently people are prejudiced against those who are overweight. Who (besides just about every one of us who are overweight) knew?
Another news flash for the non-overweight people: Anyone who is Obese in almost any situation will be treated with less civility and respect than those who are height and weight proportionate by the rest of society. Comments about excess weight tend to be among the first ad hominem insults tossed out during heated exchanges. And of course those of us with weight issues seem to have a somewhat unfavorable opinion of ourselves...
Guess it's time to go back on that four hours of daily exercise and 800 calories a day diet plan that has been pretty much the only way we have been able to lose weight in our life. Or get sick a lot - we usually seem to lose quite a few pounds when that happens. Now, where did I put that triple-decker bacon cheeseburger I set aside for an afternoon snack?*
* - the Funny Farm feels the need to inform you that the last statement is a complete fabrication - we haven't had a triple-decker bacon cheeseburger in our life, we don't usually have an afternoon snack (coffee, yes; food, no), and we don't set food aside for later.
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Special Bonus: Here's a CNN poll that we doubt you'll see on TV*:
Do you believe House Majority Leader Tom Delay is the victim of a campaign by the “liberal” media to embarrass him?
Yes: 600 votes 6% |
* - of course, you could always follow our lead and never turn the Conservative News Network on in the first place!
A very interesting article turned up in our internet news feed today:
Michiganders to face tighter border rules
The headline is misleading - actually all United States citizens will be affected by the new federal rules being phased in. The short version of the story is that passports will now be required by U.S. Customs for Americans returning to the States. While this doesn't bother us too much (we've had our passport since 1989), apparently quite a few people are somewhat upset about this requirement. Some highlights:
| Some metro Detroit residents who travel to Windsor said Tuesday they might remain stateside if a passport is required.
The cost of a passport and the hassle of getting one were two reasons they cited. Echoing other drivers who stopped for gas at the Ammex Duty Free store at the Ambassador Bridge, Brad Simpson of Trenton, the only border-crosser willing to give his name to a reporter, said he understood something has to be done in the name of national security. He works for a construction contractor and travels throughout the year between Canada and the United States. "If they don't do it and a terrorist gets in and does something horrible, then everyone will say, 'Why didn't they do it?' " However, he doubted he'd invest in a passport. A woman from Detroit said she saw the requirement as unnecessary. She said she might end her 25-year tradition of traveling to Canada as many as three times a week to fish. "If terrorists want to get in, they'll get in," she said as she filled up her van with gasoline. She did not want to give her name because she was critical of the program. |
It also appears that people have become more afraid of criticizing the government. Funny how that happens when the government actively harasses people who dare to point out their mistakes…
For some strange reason, we feel like a big weiner today. Go figure!
We've been working on, well..., work, lately, and also been sickly. Which has translated into less bloggy goodness infiltrating your melons through the good offices of the Funny Farm. We might actually have a couple of goodies to toss out your way pretty soon, too!
In the meantime, you can be entertained by the continuing difficulties we are experiencing when trying to express our opinion on our good friend* Rook's web site, when he accused us of playing an April Fools' joke on him. While the timing was rather fortunate in many ways**, it was a real problem that prevented my internet presence from leaving any comments at Rook's Rant .
And which it still is, we're afraid. We tried to post this comment over at Rook's on the post linked to above, and were told that we're still part of the bad internets:
I hope it was just a glitch. Otherwise, you'll never see that this was not really an April Fool's joke (at least not on my end), just a weird sense of karmic timing between the two of us. Because I won't be able to leave this comment, either...***
We got the same message again when we tried to lay this gem on his blog. We had also hoped to receive a response to our attempt at dealing in a diplomatic fashion with the Minister of Coffee. We have contacted the proper authorities, and are confident that this will be somewhat easier than getting off the no-fly list.
Stay tuned for further developments...
* - we haven't yet met face to face as far as I know, but Mr. Hall has been a source of keen insights, cool conversations, and bedrock support to us since we started talking in the before time. We use the internet familiar form of address in this instance when referring to Rook.
** - not the least of which being that we had consumed our morning's caffeine before viewing this, saving tons of cleanup time (and/or possible monitor replacement) in the process.
*** - which is unedited from its' pristine form when I tried to send it to Rook earlier today.
Someone please tell us what could be considered questionable content in the following comment? It may (cough) have been a little over the top - but we thought that you usually do that when you're being sarcastic.
Anyways,...
Rook wrote this:
Sacrilege!
Bark Bark Woof Woof has gone too far! Additives in coffee is against the laws of nature!
There should be consequences for such heresy. Cream and sugar is the work of the devil.
I've got it! He should be tied to a chair, his eye lids taped open and be forced to watch Ann Coulter's Fox segments 24/7.
People, I am a coffee puritan and I take this stance very seriously.
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And I tried to put this comment on his blog, and got it rejected for questionable content:
Rook:
You sound almost Publican in your puritanism about coffee and what should or should not be put in it.
When did you become the Secretary of Coffee Drinking? You apply your faith-based drinking standards pretty loose and fast. And seem to be somewhat unyielding in your attitudes regarding any additives to the main component of my bloodstream, er, coffee. And now you know why I have such a (highly caffeinated) horse in this race...
Should those of us who use additives be set on a hot plate until there's nothing left but a black crusty sludge on the bottom of the pot? Should we be denied access to the life-giving fluid that courses through our veins because there might be something else coursing along with it??
Can't we all just get along?
P.S. I drink the gamut of coffee styles, from completely black to triple triple. I draw the line at instant coffee and stale stuff (and usually it's not strong enough for my taste when I don't make it), but I'm willing to let others drink anything they want. As long as I don't have to watch...
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Any ideas as to why we've run afoul of the censor? (And, yes, I am looking at someone in particular when I ask...)
Editors Note: we have slightly enhanced our original comment to Rook and cleaned up a typo but otherwise all is as it was when I tried to post this comment over at his site.
Update: - we received the following error when trying to notify Rook that we had posted this screed on our blog:
Ping 'http://www.rooksrant.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/1238' failed: Your ping was denied for questionable content.
What's up with that?
All sorts of goodies (cough) in this small example of Flying Bad News Under The Media Radar on Friday, March Job Gains Weakest in Eight Months. among the highlights (cough)*:
- Wall Street economists who are not Paul Krugman predicted 220,000 or so new jobs showing up in America in March. The actual number is somewhere around 110,000 - half of what they guesstimated, and less than the 155,000 or so needed to employ all of those just entering the job market. In other words, we've just added 45,000 or so job seekers to the pool of the unemployed. Good job! Now the rest of the worker bees will work that much harder knowing that more of their peers are seeking the same honey that they continue (for now) to get.
- in a move that comes as absolutely no surprise to the enterprising souls here at the Funny Farm News Burro, the Labor Department also revised the job creation estimates for the previous two months down a significant amount, from 262,000 in February and 132,000 in January to 243,000 in February and 128,000 in January. There's another 27,000 or so looking for work.
- overtime hours are shrinking, which these experts say is a leading indicator that job creation will not improve.
- The participation rate, the proportion of the population that either has a job or is looking for a job, remained at a 17-year low of 65.8 percent.
- The service sector, which has been the jobs-creating powerhouse, generated only 86,000 jobs in March, less than half the 191,000 that were created in February and the smallest for any month since last July when 71,000 jobs were added. Within the services sector, 9,700 retail jobs were lost last month, a sharp turnaround from February when retailers added 39,100 employees.
Is anyone else scared yet?
* - and, please, people - we would really like to see a glowing jobs report (didn't we used to see them once upon a time? Just asking...), a much better economy and not have to worry quite so much about political hypocrisy affecting our daily lives. So these are not really, per se, highlights so much as crucial information which will probably not be brought to the sheeple's attention. Plus, it's all about the sarcasm. Let's have some focus out there...