June 29, 2006

Quick Question

Tuesday, 2 Promise 2006

Has anyone else noticed that Stephen Colbert gives everyone the finger, repeatedly, on his show? Watch his right hand during the opening monologue - especially when he's got a pen in his hand, and I think you'll understand what I'm getting at here...

Posted by (: Tom :) at 06:27 AM

June 28, 2006

Tit For Tat

Sunday, 1 Promise 2006

My dKos implant has been activated, and it compels me to break the silence I have so loyally adhered to since the whole KosGate scandal erupted. My unquestioning obediance to the vast left wing conspiracy has generated the following words for your infotainment, O My Brothers:

Respect Where Respect Is Due

by Tom Gevaert
Loosely based on insane ramblings in The NY Times by David Brooks

The Usurper's first enemy was the right to an open governmental process, where energy task force meetings would not be populated with corpo-weasels from the energy industry, and where, even if they were, that knowledge would be available to the public. So he declared by Imperial Fiat that no one would know who or what went on in those meetings, and it pleased him to see freedom being constrained in this manner in the land of the brave. When the Putsch administration appointed the supremely unqualified, and extremely partisan Karl Rove and Karen Hughes as taxpayer paid administration insiders accountable to no one, this was an appropriate sign of disrespect, and the Usurper did lay his hand of pResidential approval upon the Rovian smear campaign (whilst hiding his connections to it).

They say that the Repugnican't spin is just starting up for the fall elections and politics has become the realm of the small-minded. But in the land of the Reich Wing, the Illegally Installed Drunken Cokeheaded Usurper must be accorded full respect.

The Illegally Installed Drunken Cokeheaded Usurper, a k a Gee What A Dumba$$ Putsch, sits in the WhiteWash House, fires up his Republibots at CNN, Faux Snooze, and the New York Times (hi McBobo!), and commands his followers, who come across like squadrons of rabid theofascists, to unleash their venom on those who dare to point out that the Chimperor has no clothes. And in this way the Usurper has made himself a mighty force in his own mind, and every knee shall bow.

When OhMyGodWhatADick Cheney, the pResident of the Senate, told an elected Senator to go Cheney himself on the floor of the Senate when he first became its' pResident, this was also a sign of respect. The Usurper had instructed his Repugnican't minions to support any and all smears of Democratic Party members. And the Usurper pretended he could not hear the smears of his minions, and mindless hacks like McBobo bought it hook, line, and sinker, and disseminated it throughout the land.

The Usurper often directs his wrath at Repugnican'ts who have not bought into his neocon fantasies. But the gay hooker JD Guckert has also swallowed whatever the pResident shoots his way, and the Usurper has graciously exempted Guckert from the need to be a credentialed member of the press. Guckert is frequently utilized By the Repugnican'ts as something akin to a porn fluffer.

And so it is in the realm of the Usurper. Those who blindly follow the edicts of the Chimperor get respected.

But lo, there are doubters. Joe Wilson, a US diplomat, whose wife was treasonously outed as a CIA operative while a non-official covert operative, wrote a column in the New York Times pointing out the inconsistency between the utterances of the Chimperor and reality. He further refused to cave in to administrative pressure, and stuck to his story.

The Illegally Installed Drunken Cokeheaded Deserter was displeased by this publicity.

But the Usurper hid his mighty wrath from public view (although reportedly he took it out on those who supported him the most), and his minion Rove responded with the sleaziness for which he is so well known. In a private letter to hundreds of his fellow conservative kool-aid drinkers, Rove declared (on behalf of the Usurper) he would "go on the offensive" in a "couple of months," but in the meantime, a code of omerta was in order. "It would make my life easier if we can confine the story," he wrote. "If any of us respond to the Democratic allegations right now, we fuel the story. Let's starve it of oxygen. Besides, I have a doozy of an operation slated to begin this September. They won't buy the bs then if we start to peddle it now."

But alas! There were still those of integrity within the bureaucracy, who attempted to prevent the Usurper's Kristallnacht, and tried to inform the public of what the Usurper had in store for america.

The Usurper waxed Cheneyesque on the evils of leaking, and this time the squeaking fury of the Dunsel In Chief could be heard (to those capable of discerning bedwetting cowards) far and wide. The Usurper excommunicated those who dared to dissent from the administration. "you are either with us or with the terrorists" he said with a straight face during remarks to the US Congress.

"We ask every nation to join us. We will ask, and we will need, the help of police forces, intelligence services, and banking systems around the world." the Usurper charged. And so a pair of Asian nations was expunged from the global community of the righteous, and its people cast into the shadow of oblivion.

The Usurper does not notice that his people are angered with his arrogance (unless his advisors disrupt his blissful ignorance). Sounding like Tom DeLay — who is his loyal lieutenant — Putsch says that those who dare to criticize his Imperial pResidency and take on the establishment are bound to be persecuted to the full extant that the administration is capable of.

But the truth is that the new boss is little different from the old boss — only smaller. Dennis Hastert and Bill Frist and many other Repugnican'ts bow and scrape to this Clueless Blunder. He has managed to spread the gospel of smear and deflect far and wide, which is not really about ideas and philosophy. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier...just as long as I'm the dictator" he has said.

And so the Usurper has his relationships and his understandings and his networks and his compromises. In just a few short years he has achieved a level of self-importance it took those in the pre-junta political class decades to acquire. And all it has cost mankind is the soul of its' greatest nation.

He has challenged his enemy and become it.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 11:59 AM

June 23, 2006

The Peasants Are Revolting!*

Thursday, 29 Infusion 2006

Senate votes down minimum wage increase

[emphasis of any kind courtesy of the Funny Farm Editorial Staff]

Majority back Kennedy proposal to lift hourly wage to $7.25 by 2009, but votes fall short of 60 needed.
June 21, 2006: 1:44 PM EDT

WASHINGTON, (Reuters) - The U.S. Senate on Wednesday defeated a proposal pushed by Democrats to raise the federal minimum wage in increments from $5.15 to $7.25 an hour by Jan. 1, 2009.

Sen. Edward Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat, unsuccessfully tried to attach the proposal raising the wage for the first time since 1997 to a defense authorization bill that is expected to be passed by the Senate soon.

While a majority of the Senate, 52 senators, backed the move to increase the minimum wage, the measure failed to win the 60 votes needed for passage under a procedural agreement worked out earlier.

Operating under those same rules, the Senate was expected to also defeat a Republican-backed amendment that would raise the minimum wage in two steps to $6.25. But that measure also would change some work rules, drawing Democratic opposition.

House Democrats, like their Senate counterparts, are pushing a $2.10-per-hour minimum wage increase.

Last week, the House Appropriations Committee voted to include the wage hike in a fiscal 2007 labor and health spending bill. House Republican leaders, who oppose raising the minimum wage, have put that bill on a back burner because of the amendment.

I would have snipped some stuff out of this, but since this news "story" has very little meat to it, I thought I'd show you the whole thing.

Do you find it interesting, as I do, that the Democratic proponent is named, but the Repugnican't one is not? Do you also notice that the vaunted Democratic disunity is nowhere to be found on this issue? Why, it's almost as though Democratic disunity is a Repugnican't takling point or something...

I also found this article on the internets when Googling for media reports on the refusal of congress to give anyone but themselves a raise this year:

Senate Kills Minimum Wage Hike
Tuesday, March 08, 2005

CAPITOL HILL — Fact One: For the last nine years, the minimum wage has been set at $5.15 an hour. That's $206 a week or a little more than $10,000 a year for those who put in a 40-hour work week — mostly those in service-industry jobs.

Fact Two: During those same nine years, members of Congress have seen their wages grow by $28,500. House and Senate members are now paid $162,000 annually for their public service jobs.

Those distinctive facts apparently made little difference to the Senate on Monday, which beat down two measures to raise the minimum wage. Though the two sides of the political debate agreed to consider the measures, Senate rules left lawmakers with the clear understanding that neither measure would muster enough votes to pass.

Sen. Ted Kennedy sponsored the first measure, one to raise the minimum for low-income workers incrementally to $7.25 an hour over the next 26 months. The phase-in would have occurred as three 70-cent raises.

[snip]

The second proposal, offered by Sen. Rick Santorum, would raise the minimum to $6.25 an hour over the next 18 months in two 55-cent increases. But Santorum's proposal also included modest tax breaks for small businesses and opportunities for workers to opt for more flexible schedules that opponents say allows employers to avoid overtime.

[snip]

Despite the debate, under unusual Senate rules, both sides of the aisle agreed that if neither measure received 60 votes — enough to overcome threatened filibusters — the amendments to the bankruptcy bill would be withdrawn.

That is, in fact, what happened. Kennedy's amendment went down 46-49. Santorum's measure failed 61-38. Both sides of the aisle can now claim honestly to have voted for an increase in the minimum wage, even though they knew full well neither proposal had a real chance of passing.

Democrats say they will try again, but House Republican leaders said even if a Senate measure passed, they would not consider any bill for a minimum wage increase this year. Most participants and observers say they see this as a dead issue for the foreseeable future.

Other than the fact that the congresscritters now get $165,200 a year now, these two articles could have been talking about the same event. Isn't it funny how, now that Repugnican'ts have been in control of everything for over five years now, we still seem to be having the same debates every year? Almost as if these Repugnican't bastiches are deliberately wasting taxpayers' time and money on meaningless boll-yotz, and derailing anything that might actually be of use to the average american.

Just wondering: why isn't there some sort of automatic increase in the minimum wage every year to keep pace with inflation? You know, the way there's an automatic pay increase for overpaid congresscritters making over $165,000 a year every year to keep pace with inflation? It would kinda make more sense to have those who are impacted the most by cost of living increases get the most help in easing that impact. At least, here at the Funny Farm it seems that way...

* - "Yeah - they stink on ice!"**

** - yes, this is yet another set of lines of dialogue shamelessly ripped off creatively reused for the title of this blog post from History of the World part one.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 05:20 PM

June 15, 2006

It's Good To Be The King*

Humpday, 21 Infusion 2006

Congress Gives Itself 7th Straight Pay Raise

[emphasis of any kind courtesy of the Funny Farm Editorial Staff]

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Despite record low approval ratings, House lawmakers Tuesday embraced a $3,300 pay raise that will increase their salaries to $168,500.

The 2 percent cost-of-living raise would be the seventh straight for members of the House and Senate.

Lawmakers easily squelched a bid by Rep. Jim Matheson, D-Utah, to get a direct vote to block the COLA, which is automatically awarded unless lawmakers vote to block it.

[snip]

Like last year, Matheson led a quixotic drive to block the raise. He was the only member to speak on the topic.

"I do not think that it is appropriate to let this bill go through without an up or down vote on whether or not Congress should have an increase in its own pay," Matheson said.

But by a 249-167 vote, the House rejected Matheson's procedural attempt to get a direct vote on the pay raise.

The pay raise would also apply to the vice president - who is president of the Senate - congressional leaders and Supreme Court justices.

This year, Vice President Dick Cheney, House Speaker Dennis Hastert and Chief Justice John Roberts receive $212,100. Associate justices receive $203,000. House and Senate party leaders get $183,500.

President Bush's salary of $400,000 is unaffected by the legislation.

Now, I don't know about you, but I wonder how someone making $165,000 (or more!) a year feels justified in giving themselves a cost of living adjustment to their wages, yet is strangely unsympathetic towards raising the minimum wage? Without even wanting to discuss it as part of the public record? And I wonder how long it will be before it will be treasonous to disclose such information because it will endanger national security...

Heartfelt thanks go out to pessimist at The Left Coaster for finding this story, and linking to it, so's I could see it. It seems a bit odd, though, that when you type the title of this article into the Associated Press's search engine, you come up empty. I wonder why that might be?**

* - with all due homage to Mel Brooks and History of the World, Part One, where I shamelessly appropriated creatively utilized this post title from.

** - it might have something to do with the changing the title of the article that took place between the original article and the copy that TLC linked to. Damn you, George Steinbrenner!

Posted by (: Tom :) at 11:49 PM

June 14, 2006

There's A Tenth Song In My Head

Tuesday, 20 Infusion 2006

And so we come to the final episode of this exercise in infotainment. Praise Koresh that I didn't put anything in that I thought would be seriously challenging to an audiophile. This is the tenth song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago:

World On Fire

The worlds on fire its more then I can handle
Ill tap into the water try and bring my share
Try to bring more, more then I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
Youre not alone in these stories pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And Ill try to hold it in
Yeah Ill try to hold it in

Chorus

I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change whats coming
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
I dont wanna be left alone dont wanna be alone

Chorus

Hearts break hearts mend love still hurts
Visions clash planes crash still theres talk of
saving souls still colds closing in on us

We part the veil on our killer sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take the less we become
The fortune of one man means less for some

Chorus

From the album Afterglow by Sarah McLachlan

Editors Note: This artist is a personal fave here at the Funny Farm (surprise! so is everybody else on the list), and, while not one of her biggest hits, this song was one of what I thought would be the relatively easier of the songs to get in my quiz. I thought this choice was not all that obscure, but still somewhat challenging.

These lyrics are lifted wholesale from Sarah's lyric sheet on the internets.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 06:17 AM

June 13, 2006

There's A Ninth Song In My Head

Sunday, 19 Infusion 2006

This is the ninth song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago:

Laser Love

Laser love (x 4)

Everybody's into science fiction
Dancing to the beat
Surrounded by the white lights
Burning from the heat

Come on everybody
Lay your money down
Overload your senses
Until you hit the ground

Laser love (x 8)

[spoken: see you on the dance floor, darling...]

Laser love (x 4)

[spoken over chorus: you have seven seconds from now...]

Come on everybody
Lay your money down
Overload your senses
Until you hit the ground

It's future entertainment
Get into the scene
It's a three-D spectacle
The synthesizer scene

Laser love (repeated through fade out)

[spoken very soflty in the background at end of fade away:Disco sucks!]

From the self-titled album by BB Gabor

Editors Note: This song was one of what I thought would be the more challenging of the songs to get in my quiz. This choice was fairly obscure, and quite challenging.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 06:29 AM

June 12, 2006

There's An Eighth Song In My Head

Saturday, 18 Infusion 2006

This is the eighth song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago:

Sell Sell Sell

The credits roll, the camera pans
And in the mist our hero stands
He starts to speak, then folds his hands in prayer
An awkward pause, then what's my line?
There's nothing left to say this time
And what would you say to a bad guy who's not there?
In terms of Roman numerals,
He's IV league with Roman Polanski
He'd win an Oscar every time if he was only given the chance

He started on the Broadway stage
A product of another age,
An offer and a pilot drew him west
The series bombed, commercials came
And though nobody knew his name
They all recognized the potential he possessed
Deodorants and dental floss
And how much does that new car cost
His acting was methodical in You Don't Need A Medical
He's branded like a racing car,
He's like a movie star without movies
The week of Independence Day,
The casting agent called to say
Your smile could save our movie and the world

Buy buy buy buy
Sell sell sell
How well you learn
To not discern
Who's foe and who is friend
We'll own them all in the end

It goes like this, we have no choice
The minarets, the wailing voice
And vaguely Celtic music fills the air
We choose a foreigner to hate,
The new Iraq gets more irate
We really know nothing about them, and no one cares
Aladdin and the forty thieves
Enhanced by brand new special effects
Saddam and his cow disease spiced up
With some gratuitous sex

A movie's made, a war is won
A low-speed chase, a smoking gun
Distracts us while the actor takes the stand

Buy buy buy buy
Sell sell sell
How well you learn
To not discern
Who's foe and who is friend
We'll own them all in the end

From the album Maroon by Barenaked Ladies

Editors Note: The boys from Scarberia are most definitely personal faves here at the Funny Farm (we knew a few of the Bourbon Tabernacle Choir on a personal basis many, many moons ago), and, while this was not one of their big hits, this was what I thought would be the easiest of the song to get in my quiz. I thought this choice was not all that obscure, still somewhat challenging, as well as topical, and so something that this studio audience would at least be familiar with. I mean, I didn't want everything to be a piece of cake, and the answers to the quiz showing up within the first day. Maybe next time I'll make a song like this as the most difficult in the quiz, instead of what I consider to be the easiest of the bunch. If I ever do this sort of thing again...

These lyrics are lifted wholesale (and then slightly cleaned up by Your Humble Narrator) from these lyric sheets on the internets (because I couldn't find them at BNLmusic).

Posted by (: Tom :) at 12:00 AM

June 11, 2006

There's A Seventh Song In My Head

Fryday, 17 Infusion 2006

This is the seventh song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago:

Beyond The Moon

it's another world we think in
because words are obsolete
two thousand years we kissed the devil
before we knew defeat

chapter eating marx one morning
freaking out on electric meat
chewing thrills with turkish madmen
space speed to sweden without sleep
cocaine coloured computer cards
coding cosmic zipper skies
vitamin clouds beyond the moon
yogurt blood lunacy shoes

acid warped the global fetus
like the bourgeois look at feet
and cadillacs
two thousand years we crossed up jesus
thinking he'd make ends meet
christ no

you can't make the world to order
like a hotel service's food
take the sixties as a movie
take the seventies as fuel
you've got a reason to be endless
because your mood is summer cool
let deliverence be existence
before this song becomes your fool

From the album Mutiny Up My Sleeve by Max Webster

Editors Note: This was not one of the more popular tunes from this artist, but this still should have been one of what I thought would be the moderately easier of the songs to get in my quiz. Although the band has not been in this form for quite a while (Kim Mitchell went solo a generation and a half ago), I thought this choice was a bit obscure, and somewhat challenging.

These lyrics are lifted wholesale from these lyric sheets on the internets.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 12:00 AM

June 10, 2006

There's A Sixth Song In My Head

Friday, 16 Infusion 2006

This is the sixth song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago:

The Psychic

She knows the future like the palm in your hand
She knows your past like the lay of the land
The first time she met me she saw right through me
Some cards and a cane in her hand - and she said:

All the years that have come to pass
And all the years that shall be
I see here right before me

She said her vision were a bane in her life
She could not control them, they kept her up nights
I know what you're thinking, I haven't been drinking
She knew things that cut like a knife - and she said:

All the years that have come to pass
And all the years that shall be
I see here right before me

Will there be earthquakes and great tidal waves?
Can she see back to the dinosaur days?
How can she foresee just by squinting at me and
Can she see me naked in her mind's eye?

What does she think when she foretells a disease?
Would she keep it a secret if death stood before me?
What could some cards hold, where is her foothold
Can I escape what she sees? And she said:

All the years that have come to pass
And all the years that shall be
I see here right before me
I see here before me

From the album God Shuffled His Feet by Crash Test Dummies

Editors Note: This artist and this song are personal faves here at the Funny Farm, and, while not one of their hits, this was one of what I thought would be the relatively easier of the songs to get in my quiz. I thought this choice was not all that obscure, but still somewhat challenging.

These lyrics are lifted wholesale from Crash Test Dummies' lyric sheets on the internets.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 12:00 AM

June 09, 2006

There's A Fifth Song In My Head

Thursday, 15 Infusion 2006

Here's the fifth song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago:

Life Is A Carnival

You can walk on the water, drown in the sand
You can fly off a mountaintop if anybody can
Run away, run away--it's the restless age
Look away, look away--you can turn the page

Hey, buddy, would you like to buy a watch real cheap
Here on the street
I got six on each arm and two more round my feet
Life is a carnival--believe it or not
Life is a carnival--two bits a shot

Saw a man with the jinx in the third degree
From trying to deal with people--people you can't see
Take away, take away, this house of mirrors
Give away, give away, all the souvenirs
We're all in the same boat ready to float off the edge of the world
The flat old world
The street is a sideshow from the peddler to the corner girl
Life is a carnival--it's in the book
Life is a carnival--take another look

Hey, buddy, would you like to buy a watch real cheap
Here on the street
I got six on each arm and two more round my feet
Life is a carnival--believe it or not
Life is a carnival--two bits a shot

From the album Cahoots by The Band

Editors Note: This artist is a personal fave here at the Funny Farm, and this song was one of their hits. This was one of what I thought would be the relatively easier of the songs to get in my quiz. I thought this choice was not all that obscure, but still somewhat challenging.

These lyrics are lifted wholesale from these lyric sheets on the internets.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 06:16 AM

June 08, 2006

There's A Fourth Song In My Head

Humpday, 14 Infusion 2006

This is the fourth song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago:

Absolutely Right

I'm knockin' on your door
So you let me in
I swear I won't be the way I was before
Don't you know that I was thinking
About what you told me
Rollin' it over in my mind
And much to my surprise I find
That you were absolutely right
You've been right all along
You're absolutely right and I'm wrong
Second time around should be easy
Break down the wall between me and you
So we can see completely
How easy love can be
I know it was you who said
It would be me who'd come crawlin'
Back to you upon my knees
And you were absolutely right
You've been right all along
You're absolutely right and I'm wrong
I wish that you could see
Oh how bad I want to be
Oh the kind of man to who
You'd give your key
If you'd let me in the room again
Come supper time we'll be sittin'
By the fire this evening
Drinkin' homemade wine
We can laugh and dance and sing
And play and love the night away

From a single release by The Five Man Electrical Band which can be found on the CD release The Best Of The Five Man Electrical Band

Editors Note: This artist is a personal fave here at the Funny Farm (surprise! so is everybody else on the list), and this was one of their (relatively few) hits, was one of what I thought would be the relatively moderately challenging of the songs to get in my quiz. I thought this choice was somewhat obscure, and a little challenging, but not too much. And certainly there are many hosers Canadians that can remember their oldies, eh?

Even though comments are closed on the current post, you could be eligible for some interesting swag if you manage to get any of the rest of the guess ten before I post their lyrics in their entirety here.

These lyrics are lifted wholesale from these lyric sheets on the internets.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 06:37 AM

June 07, 2006

There's A Third Song In My Head

Tuesday, 13 Infusion 2006

This is the third song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago:

So Pure

you from new york you are so relevant
you reduce me to cosmic tears
luminous more so than most anyone
unapologetically alive knot in my stomach
and lump in my throat
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression
supposed former infatuation junkie
I sink three pointers and you wax poetically
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression
let's grease the wheel over tea
let's discuss things in confidence
let's be outspoken let's be ridiculous
let's solve the world's problems

love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression

From the album Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie by Alanis Morissette

Editors Note: This artist is a personal fave here at the Funny Farm (surprise! so is everybody else on the list), and, while not one of her hits, was one of what I thought would be the relatively easier of the songs to get in my quiz. I thought this choice was not all that obscure, but still somewhat challenging.

These lyrics are lifted wholesale from Alanis' lyric sheets on the site (although I typoed the original post. D'oh!)

Posted by (: Tom :) at 08:51 PM

June 06, 2006

There's A Second Song In My Head

Sunday, 12 Infusion 2006

And, by an amazing coincidence (cough), it just happens to be the second song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago. Do you sense a trend coming on as far as Funny Farm blog posts go?

Goldmine In The Sky

[spoken: Are you having trouble keeping the faith? Well, send $5.95 right now for these wonderful new faith pills. They'll pick you up and never put you down]

You have a friend in Jesus
He's been a good friend to me
I know who to thank for all the money in my bank
Since he made me a star on TV

Jesus has been a good living
He's a well that never runs dry
I'm your heavenly host
Broadcast live coast to coast
From that goldmine in the sky

It's a gold mine
And it's all mine
Far be it from me to ask why
I'm quite content
If the lord pays the rent
On that goldmine in the sky

I've found the new testament
Was a damn good investament
Every time I read it, I cry
And Mary Magdaleenie
Drives a brand new Lambourghini
To that goldmine in the sky

It's a gold mine
Not a land mine
You'll see it before you die
Send your dollars today
And I'll show you the way
To that goldmine in the sky

When the dollar is weak
Thank god for the meek
They're never in short supply
Thousands of lungs
Are speaking in tongues
From that goldmine in the sky

So you have a friend in Jesus
And you have a friend in me
Others may say
That crime doesn't pay
Well maybe they don't watch TV

So let's praise the lord
Send what you can afford
'Cause he's just a regular guy
He'll put your soul at rest
It's time to invest
In that goldmine in the sky

It's a gold mine
Not a land mine
You'll see it before you die
Send your dollars today
And I'll show you the way
To that goldmine in the sky

It's a gold mine
And it's all mine
Far be it from me to ask why
I'm quite content
If the lord pays the rent
On that goldmine in the sky

Goldmine in the sky
Goldmine in the sky
Goldmine in the sky

[spoken: It's a gold mine. (Testify!) I'm telling you, boy, it's a god damn gold mine! Don't forget to send now for your free faith pills! Free with every $49.95 that you spend on - on my video. Yes, my video, from my wonderful new gold plated house in Las Cruces, New Mexico, with five thousand acres of farmland, which we're dedicating to the work of the lord...]

From the EP The Palace of Memory by Pukka Orchestra

Editors Note: This is also a personal fave, and definitely one of the more difficult of the songs to get in my quiz. Not the most obscure, but probably one of the top five three.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 04:34 PM

June 05, 2006

There's A Song In My Head

Saturday, 11 Infusion 2006

And, by an amazing coincidence (cough), it just happens to be the first song in the Guess Ten, Hoser Edition post I put up here a while ago.

Myopia

[spoken: it's good to be back...]

So the hat in the closet
Don't fit the size of the current head
What have you done? What have you done?
My eyes, they cannot see...

Once upon a scout
Once upon a boy scout working on the neighborhood
Is somebody was
Was somebody is
Somebody who we thought we could read

But My Oh Myopia
Bless these eyes I cannot see
My Oh Myopia
Pray for the lemmings who think I lead

So - fumblin' for the badges
Fumblin' for the thing for to put up the shirt sleeve
How's it gonna read? How's it gonna read?
She's gonna be so impressed

All the trophies in the closet
Closet's much smaller than the size of the current head
How can you move? How can you move?
How you gonna get her undressed

My Oh Myopia
Bless these eyes I cannot see
My Oh Myopia
Pray for the lemmings

Now the uniform mind
Faded like a photograph
It don't take a genius to see it
Boy scout turned sailor with a seizure a failure
It don't take a genius to see it
It don't take an optical genius to see...

My Oh Myopia
Bless these eyes I cannot see
My Oh Myopia
Pray for the lemmings...

From the album Gravity Is Mutual by Scott Merritt

Editors Note: This is a personal fave, and definitely one of the more difficult of the songs to get in my quiz. Not the most obscure, but probably one of the top five three.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 08:40 PM

June 03, 2006

Culture Of Corruption

Friday, 9 Infusion 2006

Another fine example of conervative family values in action:

Documents show issues with wives, child support

By Caitlin Rother, UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER, June 2, 2006

Republican Jim Galley, who is running for Congress as a "pro-traditional family" candidate, was married to two women at the same time, defaulted on his child support payments and has been accused of abuse by one of his ex-wives.

[snip]

Galley married his second wife, Beth, in 1982 when, unbeknownst to her, he was still married to his first wife, Terry. Beth and Galley divorced in 1990 after she sought a restraining order alleging abuse.

The child support was owed to his first wife.

Galley said the contemporaneous marriages were a mistake because he thought his first divorce had been completed. He said the child support default was only for a few months and that the abuse allegation was made only to get him out of the house.

[snip]

Although Galley, 50, has never held elective office, his campaign Web site says he is endorsed in Tuesday's primary election by a number of current and former Republican elected officials from San Diego County.

They include former Rep. Brian Bilbray, who is running to replace imprisoned former Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham in the 50th District; former Assemblyman Howard Kaloogian; El Cajon Councilman Bob McClellan; and Assemblymen George Plescia and Mark Wyland. The site says Bruce Ruff, who is challenging Sheriff Bill Kolender, has also endorsed him.

[snip]

Terry and Galley had been separated for about seven months when he married Beth in February 1982.

Terry said she filed for divorce but the papers her Legal Aid attorney sent for Galley's signature weren't returned. When Galley's mother told Terry that he had remarried, Terry said she called to remind him they were still married and asked him to sign the divorce papers.

The divorce was final in July 1983, 17 months after he had married Beth. (Galley and Beth married again in a confidential ceremony in August 1984.)

Terry said she went on welfare after she separated from Galley in July 1981. She provided Michigan court records to show Galley defaulted on support payments for their two children in the 1980s, which forced the Michigan welfare system to obtain the money through legal proceedings.

When asked about the child support, Galley first said he was only in default for several months because of a back injury. He later acknowledged that money was garnisheed from his paychecks for four years but said it was because of a billing mix-up and his money was ultimately refunded.

However, Beth, who is now Beth Bradford and lives in Santee, said Galley told her he couldn't afford the support payments to Terry because he was supporting Beth's two children.

Galley said that when he married Beth, "I had honestly thought that my divorce had gone through on the first marriage."

Galley is married to his third wife, Carol.

In addition to his "pro-traditional family" stance, Galley promotes his belief in a "strong military."

During interviews, Galley has touted his military service as an advantage over other candidates in the congressional race, saying he was drafted by the Navy during the Vietnam War. His Web site states, "I was drafted it (sic) to the Navy, serviced my time," and then later joined the Army.

Galley's military records, obtained by the Union-Tribune through a Freedom of Information Act request, show he started his Navy service April 29, 1974, and was discharged less than six weeks later, while in "recruit training."

Navy spokesman Lt. William Marks said the Navy stopped the draft July 1, 1973, nine months before Galley started his Navy service.

When asked about the discrepancy, Galley insisted that he was drafted, saying he was notified partway through training camp that the Navy had a "reduction in force" and no longer needed him.

[snip]

A few thoughts:

- this guy sounds pretty shady, and of dubious character. I would especially think that for a supposed traditional values christian to skip out on parental responsibilities, engage in bigamy and adultery, and misrepresent his military service, would be an almost automatic disqualifier for the guy. It sounds like he was forced to make some of his child support payments because he was trying to duck out of them, too. This is how to take responsibility for the children you bring into the world?

- if the details are accurate, hasn't this person broken the law? I would think that others who were married to two people at once were charged with something, and maybe some of them were convicted of a crime, but I do not know one way or the other. I can also understand if someone honestly thought that their divorce had gone through on the first marriage. But I also thought that those were the kind of pesky fact things that we're supposed to make sure of before we make a mistake and marry two women at the same time, and if you tried to take it on faith, you could be prevented from getting married the second time. And that if the facts were discovered along the way, so to speak, there would be other fact things like court records and fines and perhaps even criminal records available to verify or refute this sort of thing. And also that this would not have to be classified due to matters of national security, so we could be allowed to know how the frell somebody was able to marry two women at the same time and not spend time in the clink or have fabulous amounts of alimony and child support for the two ex-families he abandoned.

- this sounds like another Repugnicant bastich who ducked his military service, and is now lying his a$$ off about it. At least he didn't go AWOL like some drunken cokeheaded usurpers we could mention - he didn't even make it through boot camp!

Thanks to Susie the Suburban Guerrilla for pointing me towards this story.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 12:30 AM

June 02, 2006

Pure Genius

Thursday, 8 Infusion 2006

The Carpetbagger Report is considering starting a contest for the biggest Putschian lie (so far). He talks of putting a NCAA-style tournament together, with the top 64 lies competing against each other (internet voting would determine which lie "wins" in each contest).

I, for one, consider this to be an excellent idea. So do a lot of the people who read The Carpetbagger Report regularly - he already has more than the 64 lies he needs to start the tourney in the comments to his post. Feel free to go over to his zone and add more, though, if you like

Posted by (: Tom :) at 11:25 PM

June 01, 2006

Good Business

Humpday, 7 Infusion 2006

Being a customer of Computer Tyme has its' advantages. And I am more than happy to be involved (even if only in a small way) with someone who would make this effort:

Dear Computer Tyme Customers,

For a short time this morning we had a problem [snip]

For a more technical explanation, our system rejects more than a million messages a day that are generated by virus infected windows zombie computers. We used to just bounce them at connect time but due to the volume and accuracy of our spam detection technology we are now capturing some of these messages and harvesting them for IP addresses and hash codes and links to fraud sites and working with other services to create cooperative spam blocking services that we all contribute to and draw upon. Through this process we are helping to block billions of spams around the world.

[snip]

Again, sorry about the problem but it is fixed now and it should all be normal.

Marc Perkel
Fearless Leader
Computer Tyme Hosting/Junk Email Filter

Marc is also dedicated to providing web hosting for those who might get rejected by an ISP due to "improper content" as determined by the host. Which, unless you read the fine print, most of them generally can and will do if they decide they don't like what you're saying. I think Marc's policy in this regard is a pretty good thing to aspire to, much less maintain in reality

I would advise you to use Computer Tyme as your host, or at the very least give them a serious look-see, should you be considering a web site of your own.

Posted by (: Tom :) at 11:59 PM