The Funny Farm

Time For Some Cartoons

^{Sunday, 6 Shivring 2007}

Among other things, our good friend Keith Tucker over at What Now Toons has once again given us all another cartoon to viddy:

Editors Note: a third image has now been added to enhance your viddying experience.

Quick Notes From A Frozen Journey

^{Fryday, 4 Shivring 2007}

- I have a new appreciation of the driving skills of any motorists brave enough to drive in the Great White North over the past weekend, and somewhat less of an idea why they don't slow down from their usual 120 kph when there's a half an inch of snow on the highway after the salt trucks have gone by;

- lake effect snow can turn even a relatively short journey from the Tomato Capital of Canada into an arduous trek back to civilization;

- sometimes homebrewed beer, if it is prepared and stored properly, can last over eight years in the bottle while maintaining the taste and drinkability it was originally intended to have;

- they don't call it Waterloo for nothing;

- I have to be one of the luckiest beings in the multiverse right about now. I'm not saying it's all good luck - I'm just sayin'

Yes! Again!

^{Tuesday, 30 Premise 2007}

Our good friend Keith Tucker over at What Now Toons has given us all another cartoon to grok:

And, yes, I promise! to cut down! on the exclamation! points! Soon... but not today!

Series Completed!

^{Sunday, 29 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the tenth of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

Atlantis Calling [spoken] On behalf of unknown heroes... And the priest said to Solon: 'Solon, you Greeks are but children' In those days the Atlantic was navigable And there was an island in front of the Pillars of Hercules It sank in a single day and night of rain In Bimini there's a temple that is rising from the sea In Iberia the language of the Basques a mystery The Tiahuanaco ruins, a secret closed to men Canary Island legends, and don't forget Stonehenge [sung] Atlantis calling Atlantis calling Atlantis calling [spoken] There's legends of the Flood with every race around the world The waters are the same that keep Atlantis covered still On both sides of the ocean there were many things alike Pyramids, sarcophagi, the customs and the rites Egyptians spoke about it to Greeks who did believe Of echoes of disaster from ancient history From the land beneath the sea [sung] Atlantis calling Atlantis calling Atlantis calling (instrumental break) [sung]Atlantis calling - [spoken]of deeds that go unsung [sung]Atlantis calling - [spoken]the time will surely come [spoken] The answer will be found The mystery unwound Origins explained On behalf of unknown heroes For heroes there must be In any land that crumbles And sinks beneath the sea And if that land existed Be it how or when or where Then isn't the conclusion That all roads lead to... [sung] Atlantis calling Atlantis calling Atlantis calling (Hear when they call) Atlantis calling (Hear when they call) (repeat to end) From the album Lights in the Night by Flash and the Pan

This band was a side project for former Easybeats members George Young and Harry Vanda. George Young is the older brother of Malcom and Angus Young of the group AC/DC.


[Editors' Note: I'm out of my brain on the 5:15!]

Question Answered!

^{Saturday, 28 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the ninth of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

p:Machinery Motor Power - force - motion - drive Power - force - motion - drive Power - force - motion - drive Power - force - motion - drive Propaganda - On joyless lanes we walk in lines a calm but steady flow. Accompanied by loud commands our strength is running low. Another hope feeds another dream another truth installed by the machine. A secret wish the marrying of lies today comes true what common sense denies. Rotating wheels of destiny inflame the city lights. Machines call out for followers far out into the night. The calls of the machines drowning in the steam. Another hope feeds another dream another truth installed by the machine. A secret wish the marrying of lies today you find is true what common sense denies. The calls of the machines drowning in the steam. On joyless lanes we walk in lines a calm but steady flow. Our strength is running low. Another hope another dream another truth installed by the machine installed by the machine. From the album A Secret Wish by Propaganda

If you've ever even heard of this band, this is probably the only thing you heard from them. Pity...

Puzzler Solved!

^{Fryday, 27 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the eighth of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

Skin This is someone else's story Someone that I never knew This is someone else's body Am I getting through to you If you peel away the armor is something underneath If you look below for hidden treasure underneath another layer Are you hiding underneath the skin If you peel away the skin is there anybody there If you peel away the skin is there anybody there If you peel away the armor is it too late to begin Is there anybody hiding if you peel away the skin Now a spark has passed between us now A momentary recognition Something lost and something gained And something shared that feels strange Something cold that will not go away There's a heart as cold as ice In a vault that's made of stone O'er years the walls got higher O'er years the walls have grown Is there anybody in there in this self inflicted tomb If you peel away the layers is there someone in this room If you peel away the skin, if you peel away the skin This is someone else's story Someone that I never knew This is someone else's body Am I getting through to you If you peel away the layers is there anybody there If you peel away the armor is something underneath If you look below for hidden treasure underneath another layer Are you hiding underneath the skin If you peel away the skin is there anybody there If you peel away the skin is there anybody there If you peel away the skin is there anybody there If you peel away the skin If you peel away the skin If you peel away the skin If you peel away the skin If you peel away the skin From the album Dark At The End of The Tunnel by Oingo Boingo

This band was originally a musical theatrical group known as the Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo, and its' heart and soul was Danny Elfman, who wrote the soundtracks for approximately a gazillion and a hlaf movies, including Batman, Beetlejuice, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Edward Scissorhands, Scrooged, and Nacho Libre (to name a very few). The band itself played what is referred to here at the Funny Farm as carnival rock, as I can easily imagine these guys as the band for a really freaky circus or carnival. The band performed their song Dead Man's Party as the live band at a frat party in the movie Back To School. Unfortunately, I was mistaken in one of my hints - their drummer, Johnny 'Vatos' Hernandez, did not eliminate the house band, he was the drummer in the house band in the Quentin Tarantino movie From Dusk Till Dawn. Also, unfortunately, Oingo Boingo has not been together since 1995.

Danny Elfman is also one of the luckiest people on the face of the planet - he married Bridget Fonda in November 2003.

Conundrum Resolved!

^{Friday, 26 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the seventh of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

Love Is A Good Thing Watch out sister, watch out brother, Watch our children while they kill each other With a gun they bought at Wal-mart discount stores Welcome to the hallway, metal detectors just been installed Hey isn't cops and robbers gettin' to be a big bore [chorus] Mary, Mary quite contrary, close the door now, It's much too scary And your might see something you wish you hadn't seen Out of sight, out of time, out of patience, And I'm out of my mind Governor, tell me what does it mean Dance children, dance to the beat Wanna be a hippy cause life is so sweet Good morning hate Dance children, dance to the beat Wanna rock and roll up and down the street, I've got a message Love is a good thing Love is a good, love is a good, Love is a good thing Politicians on a mission, Build them up, bring them down For the good of the system Well we don't like the way you live your life I got one thing I must express We try our criminals in the press Justice is a fading light [chorus] From the album Sheryl Crow by Sheryl Crow

This artist was a backup singer for Michael Jackson during the eighties.

Solution Provided!

^{Thursday, 25 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the sixth of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

Reckless Driver You wonder why you drive me crazy You don't watch the road signs baby You never learned to stop at the light You wonder why I get so uptight The way you drive your automobile You're the most dangerous thing on wheels The way those wheels burn up the road It's a wonder that they don't explode [Chorus:] Babe you're a reckless driver Bound to be buried with your pride And I'll be the sole survivor Cause on the day you take your final ride I won't be there by your side Come rain, come hail, come sleet, come snow You don't like to drive too slow You're always in the passing lane It's enough to drive me out of my brain And so I wanna tell you right now If you don't get some sense somehow Those wheels will get you nowhere fast And your next ride may be your last Chorus Those mountain roads are narrow & steep But you like to drive them in your sleep The hand on the meter gets hot & sweaty Sayin 85 & risin steady Now some damn fool he's tryin to pass But you're so cool you step on the gas Now I must say babe you got nerve Doin 99 around that curve Chorus From the album Eden Alley by Timbuk3

This band originally consisted of a husband and wife team using a drum machine as their rhythm section. I'm quite surprised that I didn't hear from The Left on this one, as these artists seem to have been very active in the Austin, TX music scene since the eighties (and apparently Barbara Kooyman is still stirring things up on The Left's home turf - Texamericana sounds like a very good, artist driven entertainment outlet that will hopefully stay in the black long enough to be a force for good in our time).

What! Again?

^{Humpday, 24 Premise 2007}

Wherein we cintonue a new feature here at the Funny Farm: our good friend Keith Tucker over at What Now Toons has graciously allowed us to feature his cartoon at our home on the internets:

Answer Given!

^{Humpday, 24 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the fifth of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

Motor Bungalow I don't wanna live anywhere I wanna live, I wanna live everywhere in a rolling big house full of fresh air a motor bungalow, round and comfortable like a highway yacht with a shower, no stairs you can anchor her, you can anchor her anywhere sleep a week or so and get to know the local jokes in a motor bungalow, round and comfortable In the bungalow breakfast nook on the bungalow breakfast table violets picked in Vermont and shells knicked on a Florida jaunt and a menu from Cohens restaurant in a motor bungalow motor bungalow One morning roll down the windows let the north wind in and fly across the continent up to Canada, whoa, Canada to view a true moose, uuhhhmm wet your pants, ha! in a cold stream eat home-made ice cream and live in a motor bungalow From the album Mr. Music Head by Adrian Belew

This guy is absolutely amazing! A former member of King Crimson, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, and The Bears, he also contributed to albums by David Bowie, Talking Heads, Paul Simon, Laurie Anderson, Tom Tom Club, Nine Inch Nails, Crash Test Dummies, Tori Amos, and Scott Merritt, to name a few.

Series Continues!

^{Tuesday, 23 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the fourth of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. This was the only song that was guessed correctly of the bunch. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

In The Beginning [all lyrics are spoken, not sung] First Man: I think! I think I am. Therefore I am! I think... Establishment: Of course you are, my bright little star! I've miles and miles Of files - Pretty files of your forefather's fruit. And now, to suit our great computer, You're magnetic ink. First Man: I'm more than that, I know I am! At least, I think I must be... Inner Man: There you go, man! Keep as cool as you can. Face piles of trials with smiles. It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave. And keep on thinking free... From the album On The Threshold Of A Dream by The Moody Blues

[Editors' Note: it's only five in the morning
I'm covered in sweat...]

What! Now?

^{Sunday, 22 Premise 2007}

Wherein we start a new feature here at the Funny Farm: our good friend Keith Tucker over at What Now Toons has graciously allowed us to feature his cartoon at our home on the internets:

Curiosity Satisfied!

^{Sunday, 22 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the third of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

Thud, you can start smacking your forehead now...

Can't Take It With You Well I sympathize completely, But there's nothing I can do. I am just a humble servant With a message here for you. Well I know you have good reasons And there's things you've got to do, But the boatman won't be waiting And he's leaving here with you. [chorus] And you can't take it with you, No matter what you do. No, you can't take it with you, Not the place you're going to... One more mile One more road One last bridge One less load Well I sympathize completely, But there's nothing I can do. I am just obeying orders I'm a simple soul like you. Well you really are persuasive, But I've heard it all before And the boatman's getting restless As he stands upon the shore... [chorus] Can't take it with you... (repeat and fade) From the album Pyramid by The Alan Parsons Project

This is the artist who is probably better known for his work as an engineer and producer. His first gig was as an engineer on Abbey Road. He also worked on Pink Floyd's album Dark Side of the Moon, as well as producing a host of other albums for a plethora of bands. And he helped fellow Project member Andrew Powell, by acting as producer for Powell's soundtrack to the movie Ladyhawke.

Mystery Revealed!

^{Saturday, 21 Premise 2007}

Here's the lyrics to the second of the latest round of Guess Ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

Snack Attack Midnight Saturday sat in the dark watching the ceiling falling apart the air-conditioner's been busted for weeks so the smell of cooking seeps through the floor I can't eat no more They want me to be as light as a feather so the Doctor's wired my jaws together now I'm locked in the bedroom away from the food so I lie on my back in the dark in the nude I can't eat no more I got to use a straw But if the Devil dragged me down to the kitchen I wouldn't put up a fight I'd gladly sign away my soul for a T-bone steak tonight [chorus] I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac I gotta eat, I gotta eat a Flapjack a stack, a rack, a six-pack Jack just call me Jack Kerouac click-clack open up the hatchback I could eat a Bubble car or a packamack pattacake, pattacake Big Mac good God it's a snack attack Gimme sausage, egg and beans and chips milkshakes, clambakes, fondue & dips and sauces, horses, 17 courses of barbequed beef with asparagus tips rashers of bacon, bagels and lox and tandoori prawns and a box of chocs spaghetti with mussels, palma hams & deep frozen waffles with syrup & jams My willpower's gone I'm down on my knees praying to the God of cottage cheese it's no good trying I'll never beat it `cos if it moves I'll eat it So undo my trousers, let out the slack who cares it's a snack attack it's a snack attack [chorus] it's a snack attack it's a snack attack it's a snack attack My father was a gents outfitter my mother went crazy, they had to commit her they used to tell me don't be a quitter but I know deep down I'm the runt of the litter I can't eat no more I gotta use a straw But - how do you take an overdose or even pretend to do it when the last straw is the one in your mouth and you can't suck sleepers through it I can't eat no more I gotta use a straw But if the Devil took me to Mexico to taste his guacamole I'd gladly sign my name in blood and give him the keys to my soul because I can't eat no more I can't eat no more [chorus] it's a snack attack it's a snack attack [chorus] Midnight Sunday asleep on the floor curled up in the corner can't take no more Armies of food invade my sleep led by lasagnas ten inches deep My head is pounding my heart is beating cows are mooing sheep are bleating I'm being haunted by all the meat I've eaten and then a burglar alarm goes off in my head and I wake up screaming am I dead or alive and the clock says five it's only five in the morning I'm covered in sweat am I hungry? you bet! Cold turkey's what I'm going through cold turkey's what I need but they hung a sign on my appetite saying "Danger Do Not Feed" I can't eat no more I got to use a straw I can't eat no more I can't eat no more And they've even taken away the pictures of food I had on my wall and my treasured collection of menus they screwed up into a ball in front of my face they flicked it out of the window into the night but they'll never unscramble the combination they'll never get it right Now if they made a feature film that featured only food I'd wallow in the crowd scenes while the rest of the audience booed and if I got myself a video I could satisfy the need I could check out the action frame by frame and watch the calories breed but I can't eat no more I got to use a straw I can't eat no more I can't eat no more I got to use a straw [chorus] x 2 From the album Ismism by Godley & Creme

These are the artists who were probably better known for their work producing music videos - their video Cry was groundbreaking in its use of morphing, and a quick search on GoogleTube shows me that they've produced quite a few of my personal faves (including Paranomia, Synchronicity II, and Girls On Film (warning: adult video), just to link to a few), and Lol Creme was also a member of one of my favorite musical entities, The Art of Noise, when it re-formed in the late nineties.

They also invented the Gizmo, a device that is attached to the bridge of a guitar and lets the guitar produce sound like a number of other musical instruments.

Quick Questions For The Virgin Ben

^{Fryday, 20 Premise 2007}

How is it that you feel qualified to say No woman in the history of politics has used her womb like Nancy Pelosi? Especially after opening this screed with: Apparently, Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) is a woman?

I'm sure somebody will eventually get around to explaining to you some of the differences between men and women - hopefully enough to allow you to tell the difference next time.

Plus - it would be a bit wiser of you, next time, to actually have some knowledge of how women in the history of politics have used their wombs before you make another inaccurate statement that will be scrutinized and ridiculed for the rest of time.

Best,

Time's Up!

^{Fryday, 20 Premise 2007}

Well - that was a bust. I'm only giving something to one person after all this. Plus, you get a bunch of song lyrics in a row. Oh well...

Someone has commented that I didn't give anyone enough of each song's lyrics to work with. But I put more lyrics out there than I usually do, and usually more than one line in the song - which is quite a bit more than most of the Guess Ten posts I have seen before.

And others have said they were too tough, as is usual around here. Those people will be smacking their foreheads when they see most of the answers over the next fortnight or so.

Anyways,... on to the first of our ten songs. The lyrics we asked you to guess about are shown this way within the body of the song lyric.

Dance Along The Edge Sometimes we laugh like children Go running holding hands I never felt like this before, I never will again Sometimes we cry like babies I hold you to my heart. I just can't stand to see you sad, It tears me all apart And we're so afraid and it's such a shame, There is no reason we should doubt it. The things we want to say we've never said! And we look away and it's all ok and Never really talk about it It's a shame the way we dance along the edge Dance along the edge. We always seem so careful, We're always so unsure. Our past mistakes they make us shaky... eyes on the door. When do we stop searching For what we're searching for? Then when it comes, we question love and try for more! And we're happy here, but we live in fear We've seen a lot of temples crumble. Some of flesh and blood from love under glass. Will we come undone? will we turn and run? And will we know it when we find it? It's a game the way we dance along the edge. And we'll walk the line and we'll do our time For just as long as we've been given, And pretend that we don't hear the things they've said. Can we promise love? is it all too much And do our old souls still believe it? It's insane the way we dance along the edge. From the debut album by Concrete Blonde

Time Is Running Out

^{Sunday, 15 Premise 2007}

You only have until next Monday (the 15th) to get your guesses in for the Guess Ten contest currently being held here. Honestly, I really didn't try and make it difficult for all of you...

This and that:

Kudos to our web host with the most, Marc Perkel at Computer Tyme, for providing Spocko's Brain with a home on the internets where he can feel free to speak as he chooses. Marc is one of the best web hosts around (as long as you don't bug him with trivial stuff), and I have had very little downtime here since his company has been hosting this site. For those of you unaware of the controversy surrounding Spocko's Brain, Disney got his ISP to shut his web site down because he was hosting publicly available audio clips from one of their radio stations (KSFO in San Francisco) that unapologetically host radio shows and on air hosts who spew hate speech on a daily basis. And sending letters to the companies adverstising on those programs, informing them just exactly what their advertising dollars are paying for. Funny thing - some of those companies weren't aware that they were supprtong hate speech. Some of them even have rules against that sort of thing. And when some of those advertisers found out what their money was paying for, they cancelled their advertising contracts for those shows. Another funny thing - Disney didn't look at the radio hosts spewing hate speech and suggest that they perhaps tone it down a little. No - they went after the guy reporting the problem instead. So now, Disney is still broadcasting hate speech on at least one of their radio stations (and any Disney affiliates picking up these radio shows), and Spocko's Brain is still contacting their advertisers and informing them as to the nature of the content that their advertising dollars are paying for.

Congrats to the University of Florida footall team for pasting the Ohio State Buckeyes in the bowl championship game. Maybe if the Gators had been wearing maize and blue the Buckeyes would have showed up instead of mailing it in.

There are also tentative plans for some silent partner activity with regards to preventing the upcoming demise of The American Street. Stay tuned for further developments...

And, as per numerous requests, I'll give you a few hints for the remaining lyrics, and hope that they help some people put their thinking toques on before trying to solve this puzzle:

- lyrics from one of the mainstream artists (if not the most mainstream artist) featured in the contest, the Moody Blues, has already been solved. There are a few other mainstream artists in the list (not as many as I originally thought; even though they're all mainstream here at the Funny Farm).

- the oldest song featured has also been solved. All other lyrics are more recent.

- the newest lyrics are from the early nineties. Most of the lyrics are from the eighties, but at least one is from the seventies.

- at least one of the songs/artists would probably fall into the "one-hit wonder" category for most people.

- at least one of the songs/artists has been banned at a major retail chain.

- at least one of the artists has had a gold record.

- none of the artists are Canadian. Most are American, but at least one is British, and one is Australian (and one of the band members is closely related to members of one of the biggest bands to ever come from Down Under).

- one of the artists featured is also famous for inventing a device to enhance the sound coming from a musical instrument, and probably known more for their direction of music videos than their own music.

- another of the artists began their musical career working for the Beatles, and is probably better known for their work as a producer and engineer. Oh - and they produced and help write a movie soundtrack or two as well.

- another of the artists was a backup singer for a well-known pop singer in the eighties.

- another of the artists performed one of their hits in a movie as the live band at a frat party. One of their members is also well known for his movie soundtrack work. Another of their members eliminated the house band in a Quentin Tarantino movie.

- another of the artists was a member of The Mothers Of Invention at one time in their career.

As has been previously stated, there are fantabulous prizes awaiting those who can correctly name the artists and song titles above. Basically I'm interested in giving you a good book from a progressive blogger, maybe a custom CD from the Funny Farm archives (or a commercially available CD if you so desire), or maybe a Darwin fish or a WPE t-shirt. I'm open to suggestions that don't include any of the usual suspects from Reich wingnut land or any of their offerings (cough) to the public. Go ask InstaCracker for some of that trash...

Anyways,... since I've repeatedly commented about Putsch and the Drinky McDumbA$$ Modus Operandi many, many moons ago, and I see no change whatsoever in the methodology of this cretin, I see no reason to say anything about his latest screed, his lack of flexibility, his hypocritical calling for bipartisanship while still continuing his policies of Republican't hyperpartisanship, or any of the many sociopathic activities that he and his junta still engage in. Except to bring back another long time truism front and center:

Bush keeps lying People keep dying

Editors' Note Fryday, 20 Premise 2007: Time has officially run out - the contest is over!

You Gotta See This!

^{Tuesday, 9 Premise 2007}

The Onion's current online issue is entitled Six years of George W. Bush: A Celebration of Courage. There's so much good stuff in this one that even a mini-Onion won't cut it this time. You should go and check out the whole thing. Remember, make sure you have finished consuming any victuals before going over looking at the linked web page, lest you splatter whatever you're consuming all over your PC monitor.

Well, okay - just one pic:

Cheney Regrets Buying Bush Laser Pointer

* - yes, once again we are a day late and a dollar short. D'oh!